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Dagmar
03-15-2010, 07:51 PM
Ok, taking my test this week.

I am very comfortable driving, horrible at tests (and job interviews).

What do they test? Specifically?

Any test tips etc?


Oh, and before you start, I lived in the city, never needed to drive, getting your license in the UK isn't much of a priority either. Yes, UK, I am not from the Middle East dragster.

I would appreciate all your help, insults etc.

http://news.fun-envelope.com/crash.gif

theAPAOps5
03-15-2010, 07:58 PM
Don't crash while driving. Its looked down upon!

Sorry I am not of much help. I took one driving test back in Georgia when I turned 16. It was made up of 4 right turns and parking back in the parking lot.

ColoradoDarin
03-15-2010, 08:05 PM
If they tell you to move over two lanes while driving, be sure to move over one lane per block if they are small blocks. Had a friend's daughter fail a test a few months back just because she went both in one block.

Oh and we drive on the RIGHT side of the road here in the US.

gyldenlove
03-15-2010, 08:07 PM
Don't touch yourself inappropriately during the test, don't pepper spray the tester, don't offer to pick up a couple of hos and some 8-balls - that is pretty much it.

orinjkrush
03-15-2010, 08:16 PM
slip 'em a $100. you're good to go.

Boobs McGee
03-15-2010, 08:26 PM
contrary to popular belief, fat people aren't worth 20 points when hit. it's the OLD people. Just a friendly reminder.

Dagmar
03-15-2010, 09:22 PM
Thanks...!

Archer81
03-15-2010, 09:26 PM
Hmm...Its MPH here...not KPH. Uhh...if he takes you on the highway, only use the left lane to pass. Stick to the right lane. Signal 50 feet from any turn. Dont dick with the radio. Make sure you have no cracks in the windshield. Have proof of insurance. Dont be afraid of the speed limit. Hands at 10 and 2. Dont chitchat with the tester. They apparently have no soul, and conversation is pointless. Would not be wise to say the Lord's Prayer before starting, or shouting ALLAHU AKBAR while speeding down the road. School zones suck. If it says 20, go 18. Count to 5 at yield signs if no one is coming.

:Broncos:

Kid A
03-15-2010, 09:26 PM
Try to come into the test with a BAC below .08

TexanBob
03-15-2010, 09:29 PM
Right side of the road! Most important!

Find out it they prefer sharp corners or rounded corners and whether, when backing up, you should look over your left shoulder or your right shoulder (the right gives you a better view but the left makes more sense if your neck pivots better in that direction). Practice "parallel parking", but preferably not in a gay neighborhood.

Dagmar
03-15-2010, 09:33 PM
Ah, real advice.

Also I was told I wouldn't have to parallel park by my instructor (I did 4 hours with him).

Oh, and, It's not a joke thread!

80smith
03-15-2010, 09:37 PM
If you are worried about the written test, its all common sense. Read all the material and understand it! In my experience, they change the test so knowing what they want is hard to say... So it is good to read and understand the material they give you. In all reality its not hard.

theAPAOps5
03-15-2010, 09:39 PM
Dude if you have an instructor and have spent 4 hours driving with him you shouldn't be seeking advice on the orange mane. You are probably more than ready so why not just laugh at the responses and take your mind off the stress that is a driver test.

Dagmar
03-15-2010, 09:46 PM
Dude if you have an instructor and have spent 4 hours driving with him you shouldn't be seeking advice on the orange mane. You are probably more than ready so why not just laugh at the responses and take your mind off the stress that is a driver test.

Truthfully, I had no idea what they test for. I read advice somewhere where they say, use mirrors, use signals, stop at stop signs, don't speed. I was just looking for some inside info. And entertainment!

Dagmar
03-15-2010, 09:48 PM
I hope I don't do this.

http://www.failkittah.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/truck-crash.gif

watermock
03-15-2010, 09:54 PM
Know distance between cars in all conditions, know the signs, know the BAC limits.

i.e. 1 car/10 mph.

watermock
03-15-2010, 09:55 PM
And don't tell the coppers you're on acid.

Dagmar
03-15-2010, 09:58 PM
And don't tell the coppers you're on acid.

It'll just be crystal meth, I should be fine...

http://i99.photobucket.com/albums/l299/ethelmad/Bad-Trip.gif

gyldenlove
03-15-2010, 10:01 PM
Dude if you have an instructor and have spent 4 hours driving with him you shouldn't be seeking advice on the orange mane. You are probably more than ready so why not just laugh at the responses and take your mind off the stress that is a driver test.

The rest of that post was completely superfluous. Never seek advice on the mane.

Dagmar
03-15-2010, 10:02 PM
The rest of that post was completely superfluous. Never seek advice on the mane.

I've asked for and received excellent advice before.

This was the site that built and paid for Sam's bike! And has done all sorts of other wonderful things I can't remember.

gyldenlove
03-15-2010, 10:20 PM
I've asked for and received excellent advice before.

This was the site that built and paid for Sam's bike! And has done all sorts of other wonderful things I can't remember.

I am too tired to come up with a clever allegory, so I will just say that even a blind chicken can tread in a poo.

DenverBrit
03-15-2010, 10:46 PM
Truthfully, I had no idea what they test for. I read advice somewhere where they say, use mirrors, use signals, stop at stop signs, don't speed. I was just looking for some inside info. And entertainment!

My experience was in California. About 10-15 minutes driving around the block....nothing tricky at all. And a few multiple choice questions in the DMV and a brief eye exam..

The US has the easiest driving test in the world, just get your head into the highway code. I've taken the written test each time I've moved States. The distance between cars seems to come every time.

You'll be surprised how easy it is, but still do your homework. They really want you to pass.

Here, this will help. ;D

<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/pvn-tBeLpCk&hl=en_US&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/pvn-tBeLpCk&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>

Dagmar
03-15-2010, 10:49 PM
I already passed the written and eye exam, just the driving part to go.

DenverBrit
03-15-2010, 10:51 PM
I already passed the written and eye exam, just the driving part to go.

Then you should be fine.

SoCalBronco
03-15-2010, 10:56 PM
Ok, taking my test this week.

I am very comfortable driving, horrible at tests (and job interviews).

What do they test? Specifically?

Any test tips etc?


Oh, and before you start, I lived in the city, never needed to drive, getting your license in the UK isn't much of a priority either. Yes, UK, I am not from the Middle East dragster.

I would appreciate all your help, insults etc.

http://news.fun-envelope.com/crash.gif


Can't give you any advice as to the Colorado tests in particular for obvious reasons, but I was also very nervous when I took the driving test awhile back. I had to take it a few times because I just froze up when the evaluator was in there with me. I probably should have done some exercise before going to the DMV...as that has a tendency to lessen stress. Just do your best...I'm sure you will be fine. It's not a big deal.....if it doesn't work out..just re-register and do it again. Worst case scenario is you'll just do it a couple times and pass (and if you get to that point where you are there like your third time...you'll know exactly what you are dealing with and you won't be nervous at all).

I'm sure you'll pass easily, though. Good luck.

Sir_Robin
03-15-2010, 11:01 PM
If you happen to fail...you can always go to Tennessee to get it. My driving test consisted of pulling out of the parking spot, three right turns, and returning to my parking spot.

DBroncos4life
03-15-2010, 11:02 PM
Find a newer Toyota. If anything goes wrong use the car as a scapegoat.

Dagmar
03-15-2010, 11:05 PM
Find a newer Toyota. If anything goes wrong use the car as a scapegoat.

If I'm not dead...

DBroncos4life
03-15-2010, 11:07 PM
If I'm not dead...
You would be with a instructor, I would hope he/she would know how to stop the car. LOL On a serious note does anyone get worried when they are on the interstate and they see a Toyota behind them? I have this fear of them now.

Cito Pelon
03-15-2010, 11:11 PM
WTF are you idiots thinking? Don't give him tips.

This is a guy you want to keep cornered somewhere. Don't let him loose, oh please god don't let him loose.

Brit, you may live to regret this. If I live to regret it, I'm gonna blame you.

Dagmar
03-15-2010, 11:14 PM
WTF are you idiots thinking? Don't give him tips.

This is a guy you want to keep cornered somewhere. Don't let him loose, oh please god don't let him loose.

Brit, you may live to regret this. If I live to regret it, I'm gonna blame you.
And if you really tick me off, I'll run you down in my car...
http://i50.tinypic.com/2whi3vb.jpg

Cito Pelon
03-15-2010, 11:32 PM
And if you really tick me off, I'll run you down in my car...
http://i50.tinypic.com/2whi3vb.jpg

There ya go. Dude is dangerous. Probably should be institutionalized. I'm ok with Dagmar being licensed for bark beetle removal, but that is it. We all want him to have a positive impact on society, right?

CHANGSTER
03-16-2010, 12:26 AM
I remember the only 2 I got marked off was not looking both ways while going through the intersection. I don't know how it is over there, but they actually want you to turn your head a bit both ways while going through a stop light. I don't see the point as your probably screwed if someone runs a light and you notice a split second before.

Blueflame
03-16-2010, 01:21 AM
Ok, taking my test this week.

I am very comfortable driving, horrible at tests (and job interviews).

What do they test? Specifically?

Any test tips etc?


Oh, and before you start, I lived in the city, never needed to drive, getting your license in the UK isn't much of a priority either. Yes, UK, I am not from the Middle East dragster.

I would appreciate all your help, insults etc.

http://news.fun-envelope.com/crash.gif

My son just got his (Washington) driver's license last June so we've been through the process fairly recently.

You'll need to have all paperwork (registration/proof of insurance, etc.) for the car ready to hand. The driving examiner will probably walk around your car, having you step on the brakes, turn on signals, etc. to be sure everything works on the car you're driving for the exam. Then before you move the car, be sure that the licensing examiner sees you checking your mirrors. And always turn around (don't rely on mirrors) when backing up. Always signal before making a turn or lane change... dunno about Colorado, but in Washington, you do have to parallel park. Most of all... try to relax and good luck.

DHallblows
03-16-2010, 01:33 AM
The test will be an absolute joke. You'll leave the DMV, go into a neighborhood where there's a stop sign, and come back. I only lost points because I went 30 in a 25. Even though the 25 sign was covered by an overgrown tree and I could see a 30 sign in the distance.
You'd have to hit something to fail it...or be a drunk Scot ;D Sorry, I felt like my post was too positive and helpful to you...felt weird :thumbs:

chickennob2
03-16-2010, 02:03 AM
If you happen to fail...you can always go to Tennessee to get it. My driving test consisted of pulling out of the parking spot, three right turns, and returning to my parking spot.

Same! (Tennessee as well)

Meck77
03-16-2010, 02:13 AM
Ah, real advice.

Also I was told I wouldn't have to parallel park by my instructor (I did 4 hours with him).

Oh, and, It's not a joke thread!

I'm all for making licensing much more difficult. If you can't park the f'in car you shouldn't be driving.

If you don't ever tailgate with that car you shouldn't live in Colorado!

watermock
03-16-2010, 02:41 AM
I'm all for making licensing much more difficult. If you can't park the f'in car you shouldn't be driving.

If you don't ever tailgate with that car you shouldn't live in Colorado!

Reality and the test have nothing in common.

First, you should have to drive a stick. And parellel park with one.

That would eliminate 40% alone.

Next put them up to a stop with a no right turn on red sign.

Then put them in a 25 zone with no traffic.

US 285?

If you pass, then try I-25 in rush hour.

Maybe Wolf Creek Pass?

Dr. Broncenstein
03-16-2010, 05:37 AM
Just remember that 16 year olds pass this test all of the time. American 16 year olds. Even 16 year old girls. The bar is set so low that if you manage to fail, it should come with a forehead branding and no chance to repeat.

Dr. Broncenstein
03-16-2010, 05:50 AM
Drive right, pass left... put down the GD phone / burrito / makeup... wear your seatbelt... assume everyone else is completely nuts and are out to kill you. Pay attention like your life and the lives of those around you depend on it, because its they do.

broncosteven
03-16-2010, 06:46 AM
First I would get all the used kleenex's and hand cream out of at least the front seat, pile it all in the back and when the tester enters the car tell him "Top of the Morning, Gov!" because car driving testers like that.

Then mention that you moved your jerkoff station to the back seat for today's special ocasion. Make sure to leave plenty of forest preserve maps and a copy of some mag that Sirennicky or Blart would read in the passenger door random straight poor would do also but you get more points for gay porn.

Testers like to see binoculars in the car, I would keep yours within reach but out of the way of the instruments, the cup holders should work. A camera should be near the binoculars.

For the big day I would wear a nice London Fog trench coat with shorts and a Tee shirt. Make sure the coat is buttoned just enough to cover the fact that you have clothes on. Actually you might get more points if you just show up wearing just the coat. Black socks and dress shoes are mandatory.

I would buy and safely afix a bumper sticker that say's "The Streak" Or "I'd rather be Streaking" on it to the rear bumper and explain how you applied it to the bumper, testers like to hear the details.

Make sure you stress to the tester that you honed your skills crusing forest preserves. That shows initiative.

If you don't have any small stains on the seats the Gov will think you have never used your car so if you have them don't clean them and if you don't then sprinkle some mayo around the car.

Tell the tester you have an inflatable bed in the trunk in the event of an "emergency" (do the quote thing with your hands so he gets the point) and that you put new batteries in all the "tools" in the trunk.

During the test if you pass by a group of ladies on the street make sure to park the car and get the binoculars out and the camera ready. You could get points off if you can't use your optic's correct.

Ask the driving tester if he would mind driving through your favorite drag, i.e. nearest forest preserve during lunch time because you want to make all the other people there jealous.

Make sure to have Erasure playing softly in the background extra points for Erasure or Soft Cell.

Talk about your favorite movie themed car title which happens to be your favorite Al Pachino movie "Crusin"

Finally make sure to saw off the door handles and locks on all but the drivers door. It is a safety measure here in the states.

Oh and don't eat any Chili 24 hours before your test.

Irish Stout
03-16-2010, 09:13 AM
The only thing I remember from my driving test was that I lost points because I stopped slightly over the white line at an intersection. Be sure to stop behind white lines and cross walks at intersections.

Don't stress it man, you see the idiots they let on our roads? You'll be fine.

Dagmar
03-16-2010, 09:59 AM
Reality and the test have nothing in common.

First, you should have to drive a stick. And parellel park with one.

That would eliminate 40% alone.

Next put them up to a stop with a no right turn on red sign.

Then put them in a 25 zone with no traffic.

US 285?

If you pass, then try I-25 in rush hour.

Maybe Wolf Creek Pass?

I drove I-25, in rush hour, in the pissing rain the other day. It was hella fun...

LittleFloyd
03-16-2010, 10:25 AM
Ok, taking my test this week.

I am very comfortable driving, horrible at tests (and job interviews).

What do they test? Specifically?

Any test tips etc?


Oh, and before you start, I lived in the city, never needed to drive, getting your license in the UK isn't much of a priority either. Yes, UK, I am not from the Middle East dragster.

I would appreciate all your help, insults etc.



If you are horrible at tests, I would suggest you need to get relaxed, a couple of beers would be the best thing to do. It also would show the DMV folks that you aren't intimidated by rules.

Dagmar
03-16-2010, 10:28 AM
If you are horrible at tests, I would suggest you need to get relaxed, a couple of beers would be the best thing to do. It also would show the DMV folks that you aren't intimidated by rules.

Instead of the beers, I will have a couple of shots of scotch and smoke a bowl in the car.

underrated29
03-16-2010, 10:40 AM
its way easy...

stop before the cross walks when at the light or stop sign. Really emphesize your looking in your mirrors. Dont speed up until you get to the speed limit sign...make sure your taillights and all are not burned out.

And fart as much as possible in the car. The instructor will want nothing more than to get out and finish the test. Also asking for roadhead can be an effective means of finishing the test early.