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BroncoMan4ever
02-17-2010, 08:04 PM
Reading the bill of rights thread and seeing about the awkwardness of using the word Gay around someone who is homosexual, gave me the idea to create a thread in which we can discuss and share a few laughs about our own personal awkward moments that at the time were terrible, but after time passes you see them as interesting or even funny.

My most awkward moment came my freshman year in college. i was working as a manager at a video store. the store was looking to hire a new clerk and I was going through applications with another guy who worked there. we are joking around talking about girls who applied and just having a typical guy conversation.

as I am going through the applications I come across one from a girl who I had been trying to hookup with since high school. so in the continuation of our conversation i turn to my coworker and say "I think I have found the girl we are going to hire." i pass him the application and he looks it over and asks "Why" and being a guy, i tell him "I have been trying to nail this girl since my junior year in high school." to which he replies, "dude that's my cousin."

needless to say the rest of our shift was strange and spent mostly in silence.

side note, i still hired his cousin, and hooked up with her.

no-pseudo-fan
02-17-2010, 08:24 PM
Nice.

Well I had one of my best friend's sister, who also happened to be another friend's ex-wife, try to hook up with me at a club. She was doing this all infront of her new boyfriend, who didn't think it was cute at all. So as the night goes on he keeps throwing me dirty looks and stupid stuff like that. In bad judgement, I turn my head away from him for a sec to talk to another friend and this punk rushes me. I catch him right before he gets to me and the bouncers throw him out.

I tell both of my friends about what happened and they laugh at this guys stupidity. I explain that I wasn't going to sleep with their sister/ex.

About a month later my friend and his ex get back together. I go over with her brother and watch a fight, just like the old days.

Well the subject of that night comes up, and she says infront of her brother and her man..." You should of come out after, because I was going to **** you that night"

I just kept quiet because I didn't know what to say to that.

Pony Boy
02-17-2010, 10:54 PM
I was Christmas shopping with my wife at a big department store, she was standing right behind me when I noticed a table full of skimpy ladies thongs. I was messing with them and I grabbed one and said this would be fun because when I was done I could floss with it. When I turned around the lady I was talking to was not my wife, and she was no where in sight. The lady turned about five shades of red and moved on down the isle. I made a bee line to the parking lot and just knew security would be knocking on my window any minute. My wife couldn't stop laughing all the way home....

BroncoMan4ever
02-18-2010, 12:27 AM
I was Christmas shopping with my wife at a big department store, she was standing right behind me when I noticed a table full of skimpy ladies thongs. I was messing with them and I grabbed one and said this would be fun because when I was done I could floss with it. When I turned around the lady I was talking to was not my wife, and she was no where in sight. The lady turned about five shades of red and moved on down the isle. I made a bee line to the parking lot and just knew security would be knocking on my window any minute. My wife couldn't stop laughing all the way home....

that is messed up. did security come at you?

Archer81
02-18-2010, 12:35 AM
A few years back I got really hammered at my friends house (normal weekend behavior) and his GF breaks out a camera. So my buddy tells her to strip, and she does. But with the caveat that me and my friend strip down too. I did not agree to this, but when you are drunk saying things like No just dont happen. So she is completely nude. He gets completely nude. I get completely nude. We do crazy unexpected things, like playing guitar hero naked, and pictures are being taken all over the place. Events are not exactly clear, so I am not entirely sure what exactly went down in its entirety. I woke up the next morning first, on the floor, still butt naked, with my head in a full ashtray and one sock on my left foot. I go shower, get dressed and sit on the couch, very very confused. My buddy gets up, sits on his end of the couch and neither of us spoke for 45 minutes. I am pretty sure I had a 3 way with another guy and a girl, but its not something I want to ask.

:Broncos:

jsco70
02-18-2010, 01:09 AM
A few years back I got really hammered at my friends house (normal weekend behavior) and his GF breaks out a camera. So my buddy tells her to strip, and she does. But with the caveat that me and my friend strip down too. I did not agree to this, but when you are drunk saying things like No just dont happen. So she is completely nude. He gets completely nude. I get completely nude. We do crazy unexpected things, like playing guitar hero naked, and pictures are being taken all over the place. Events are not exactly clear, so I am not entirely sure what exactly went down in its entirety. I woke up the next morning first, on the floor, still butt naked, with my head in a full ashtray and one sock on my left foot. I go shower, get dressed and sit on the couch, very very confused. My buddy gets up, sits on his end of the couch and neither of us spoke for 45 minutes. I am pretty sure I had a 3 way with another guy and a girl, but its not something I want to ask.

:Broncos:

:spit:Hilarious!

I can just see you and your friend sitting in silence on the couch. It's probably best you never mention it again.

My best friend, I've known him for 35 years, is a player. Always has been and always will be. He's always bragged about the chicks he picks up, the raunchy sex acts, etc. He finally settles down a few years ago with a hottie. The two of them are basically sex addicts so they make a good pair. One night I went to their house and had dinner with them. We broke out a couple of bottles of wine, some Jamison, good smoke and got loaded. I passed out, woke up early in the morning and took off.

Strangely, I don't hear from my friend for a week or so, but I don't think anything of it. Finally he calls me but I can tell he's mad. Apparently, in the middle of some drunken sex, his girl starts asking him if he wants a three way. Thinking she means with another girl, he's all for it. Next thing he knows, she's telling him to go wake me up and bring into bed. He got PISSED OFF.

Even though a week had passed, he was still mad. He started interogating me asking if she ever hit on me, if I ever hit on her. It really shook him up. I was completely innocent, didn't know anything about it, but he somehow blamed me like I was the one who initiated it. It took him a couple of weeks to chill out. They're still together and now it's always awkward when we're around.

TheReverend
02-18-2010, 01:59 AM
My mother walked in on me having sex with a girl in my walk in closet when I was 15.

Worst.

Experience.

Ever.

BroncoMan4ever
02-18-2010, 03:05 AM
My mother walked in on me having sex with a girl in my walk in closet when I was 15.

Worst.

Experience.

Ever.

i accidentally got a hummer from my high school girlfriends mom.

it went down like this. during our spring break my girlfriend and her family were going up to the mountains to ski for the break. we had been dating for like 6 months so she invited me to go with them. they had relatives who had a nice house near where we were skiing and snowboarding for the week. We got there and the rules were obviously, at night i stay in my room and my girlfriend in hers. no funny business allowed, but we were teenagers, so naturally we were going to break the rules anyway.

first few days are awesome, snowboarding and going at it like rabbits every chance we got. midway through the week we were up there, her mom and dad start fighting like crazy. they decide they were going to spend the rest of their vacation in separate rooms.

so first night they are apart is no big deal, but the next day as i am getting ready to crash for the night, my girlfriends dad comes into my room and asks if we can switch because the bed in the room he was staying was hurting his back. so naturally i agree and trade rooms with him. so i fall asleep in the new bed and midway through the night i wake up to the feeling of what i thought was my girlfriend giving me a hummer. so i am laying there enjoying what is going down and i tell her in these exact words "we need to do this fast, so that your parents don't catch us."

the minute i say that the hummer stops, and she gets up to turn on the lights in the room. as soon as she does, and i realize its her mom, we both basically have that look on our faces saying wtf just happened here?

the last 2 days were extremely uncomfortable. the girlfriend and i went about our usual business and just moved on. i am a guy and at the time 17 so naturally any hummer was a good thing, so i was happy and didn't care that it was from her mom and just acted like nothing happened. but her mom was a freak. always pulling me aside saying how we need to say what happened and ask her husband and my girlfriend to forgive us. i keep telling her no and just forget it and move on, but finally she snaps on the last night we were there and blurts out what happened.

needless to say the drive back home was the longest most miserable drive of my life. my now ex girlfriend and myself sitting in the backseat with her either looking at me or her mom disgusted or screaming at me for letting it happen. when her arguments 1st started i tried telling her the truth. i was asleep and her mom jumped on my junk and in the dark room at night i didn't see that it wasn;t her. but as all guys know, most arguments with ladies you aren't going to win, no matter what you say or if it really wasn't your fault. in addition to the ex biting my head off, i have her father, eyeballing me in the rear view mirror and her mother who won't shut the hell up, trying to smooth things over, saying how it was harmless and just an accident and that we should all just move on(which for the 2 days prior i was telling her to do herself so we could have avoided the entire mess)

so finally after what seemed like an eternity we get back home. sadly the ordeal didn't end when we got back home.

the ex was constantly calling and hasseling me, and told her friends who in turn also called to give me ****. she returned my letterman's jacket, but with burn marks and holes cut into it. her parents a few months later got divorced, and according to her friends and family, it was all my fault. and to add to the weirdness. her mom called my mom, to tell her what happened between us. so not only did i have to deal with the ex, her friends and parents, but also my mom for a few months giving me strange looks and giving me **** for it all the time

easily the strangest time of my life.

Taco John
02-18-2010, 03:06 AM
These should be done in MS Paint format.

chadta
02-18-2010, 05:24 AM
when i was in highschool i worked at sears part time, a girl i worked with asked me if i ever had mrs duffy as a teacher, i said no i hadnt but i hear shes a real bitch, she nods agrees and then says "shes my mom"

WolfpackGuy
02-18-2010, 06:32 AM
i accidentally got a hummer from my high school girlfriends mom....her parents a few months later got divorced, and according to her friends and family, it was all my fault.


Home wrecker!

LOL

Bronco Boy
02-18-2010, 07:18 AM
I work at an accounting firm and one day we got this new intern for the summer. I was his counselor so it was my job to take him around to introduce him to everybody. The thing about this intern is he only had one arm. On the other side was just a nub. More on that later.

So I take him to this manager's cube to introduce him and you can tell that this manager is really trying not to stare at the nub. So I try getting some small talk going. I had a poker game planned for that weekend and asked the manager if he was going to be able to make it because he had said earlier in the week that he had a lot of yard work to do. To which he replies "I don't think I can make it man, not unless I grow an extra set of hands."... Awkward.

Nice way to introduce the kid to the corporate world.

no-pseudo-fan
02-18-2010, 07:23 AM
i accidentally got a hummer from my high school girlfriends mom.

it went down like this. during our spring break my girlfriend and her family were going up to the mountains to ski for the break. we had been dating for like 6 months so she invited me to go with them. they had relatives who had a nice house near where we were skiing and snowboarding for the week. We got there and the rules were obviously, at night i stay in my room and my girlfriend in hers. no funny business allowed, but we were teenagers, so naturally we were going to break the rules anyway.

first few days are awesome, snowboarding and going at it like rabbits every chance we got. midway through the week we were up there, her mom and dad start fighting like crazy. they decide they were going to spend the rest of their vacation in separate rooms.

so first night they are apart is no big deal, but the next day as i am getting ready to crash for the night, my girlfriends dad comes into my room and asks if we can switch because the bed in the room he was staying was hurting his back. so naturally i agree and trade rooms with him. so i fall asleep in the new bed and midway through the night i wake up to the feeling of what i thought was my girlfriend giving me a hummer. so i am laying there enjoying what is going down and i tell her in these exact words "we need to do this fast, so that your parents don't catch us."

the minute i say that the hummer stops, and she gets up to turn on the lights in the room. as soon as she does, and i realize its her mom, we both basically have that look on our faces saying wtf just happened here?

the last 2 days were extremely uncomfortable. the girlfriend and i went about our usual business and just moved on. i am a guy and at the time 17 so naturally any hummer was a good thing, so i was happy and didn't care that it was from her mom and just acted like nothing happened. but her mom was a freak. always pulling me aside saying how we need to say what happened and ask her husband and my girlfriend to forgive us. i keep telling her no and just forget it and move on, but finally she snaps on the last night we were there and blurts out what happened.

needless to say the drive back home was the longest most miserable drive of my life. my now ex girlfriend and myself sitting in the backseat with her either looking at me or her mom disgusted or screaming at me for letting it happen. when her arguments 1st started i tried telling her the truth. i was asleep and her mom jumped on my junk and in the dark room at night i didn't see that it wasn;t her. but as all guys know, most arguments with ladies you aren't going to win, no matter what you say or if it really wasn't your fault. in addition to the ex biting my head off, i have her father, eyeballing me in the rear view mirror and her mother who won't shut the hell up, trying to smooth things over, saying how it was harmless and just an accident and that we should all just move on(which for the 2 days prior i was telling her to do herself so we could have avoided the entire mess)

so finally after what seemed like an eternity we get back home. sadly the ordeal didn't end when we got back home.

the ex was constantly calling and hasseling me, and told her friends who in turn also called to give me ****. she returned my letterman's jacket, but with burn marks and holes cut into it. her parents a few months later got divorced, and according to her friends and family, it was all my fault. and to add to the weirdness. her mom called my mom, to tell her what happened between us. so not only did i have to deal with the ex, her friends and parents, but also my mom for a few months giving me strange looks and giving me **** for it all the time

easily the strangest time of my life.

I would regret that I said anything while the BJ was going down.

BroncosSR
02-18-2010, 08:05 AM
i accidentally got a hummer from my high school girlfriends mom.

it went down like this. during our spring break my girlfriend and her family were going up to the mountains to ski for the break. we had been dating for like 6 months so she invited me to go with them. they had relatives who had a nice house near where we were skiing and snowboarding for the week. We got there and the rules were obviously, at night i stay in my room and my girlfriend in hers. no funny business allowed, but we were teenagers, so naturally we were going to break the rules anyway.

first few days are awesome, snowboarding and going at it like rabbits every chance we got. midway through the week we were up there, her mom and dad start fighting like crazy. they decide they were going to spend the rest of their vacation in separate rooms.

so first night they are apart is no big deal, but the next day as i am getting ready to crash for the night, my girlfriends dad comes into my room and asks if we can switch because the bed in the room he was staying was hurting his back. so naturally i agree and trade rooms with him. so i fall asleep in the new bed and midway through the night i wake up to the feeling of what i thought was my girlfriend giving me a hummer. so i am laying there enjoying what is going down and i tell her in these exact words "we need to do this fast, so that your parents don't catch us."

the minute i say that the hummer stops, and she gets up to turn on the lights in the room. as soon as she does, and i realize its her mom, we both basically have that look on our faces saying wtf just happened here?

the last 2 days were extremely uncomfortable. the girlfriend and i went about our usual business and just moved on. i am a guy and at the time 17 so naturally any hummer was a good thing, so i was happy and didn't care that it was from her mom and just acted like nothing happened. but her mom was a freak. always pulling me aside saying how we need to say what happened and ask her husband and my girlfriend to forgive us. i keep telling her no and just forget it and move on, but finally she snaps on the last night we were there and blurts out what happened.

needless to say the drive back home was the longest most miserable drive of my life. my now ex girlfriend and myself sitting in the backseat with her either looking at me or her mom disgusted or screaming at me for letting it happen. when her arguments 1st started i tried telling her the truth. i was asleep and her mom jumped on my junk and in the dark room at night i didn't see that it wasn;t her. but as all guys know, most arguments with ladies you aren't going to win, no matter what you say or if it really wasn't your fault. in addition to the ex biting my head off, i have her father, eyeballing me in the rear view mirror and her mother who won't shut the hell up, trying to smooth things over, saying how it was harmless and just an accident and that we should all just move on(which for the 2 days prior i was telling her to do herself so we could have avoided the entire mess)

so finally after what seemed like an eternity we get back home. sadly the ordeal didn't end when we got back home.

the ex was constantly calling and hasseling me, and told her friends who in turn also called to give me ****. she returned my letterman's jacket, but with burn marks and holes cut into it. her parents a few months later got divorced, and according to her friends and family, it was all my fault. and to add to the weirdness. her mom called my mom, to tell her what happened between us. so not only did i have to deal with the ex, her friends and parents, but also my mom for a few months giving me strange looks and giving me **** for it all the time

easily the strangest time of my life.

Epic.

Beantown Bronco
02-18-2010, 08:10 AM
The real question is: who gave the better bj? The girlfriend or the mom?

Garcia Bronco
02-18-2010, 08:13 AM
A few years back I got really hammered at my friends house (normal weekend behavior) and his GF breaks out a camera. So my buddy tells her to strip, and she does. But with the caveat that me and my friend strip down too. I did not agree to this, but when you are drunk saying things like No just dont happen. So she is completely nude. He gets completely nude. I get completely nude. We do crazy unexpected things, like playing guitar hero naked, and pictures are being taken all over the place. Events are not exactly clear, so I am not entirely sure what exactly went down in its entirety. I woke up the next morning first, on the floor, still butt naked, with my head in a full ashtray and one sock on my left foot. I go shower, get dressed and sit on the couch, very very confused. My buddy gets up, sits on his end of the couch and neither of us spoke for 45 minutes. I am pretty sure I had a 3 way with another guy and a girl, but its not something I want to ask.

:Broncos:



haha...you crossed swords.

Garcia Bronco
02-18-2010, 08:18 AM
i accidentally got a hummer from my high school girlfriends mom.

it went down like this. during our spring break my girlfriend and her family were going up to the mountains to ski for the break. we had been dating for like 6 months so she invited me to go with them. they had relatives who had a nice house near where we were skiing and snowboarding for the week. We got there and the rules were obviously, at night i stay in my room and my girlfriend in hers. no funny business allowed, but we were teenagers, so naturally we were going to break the rules anyway.

first few days are awesome, snowboarding and going at it like rabbits every chance we got. midway through the week we were up there, her mom and dad start fighting like crazy. they decide they were going to spend the rest of their vacation in separate rooms.

so first night they are apart is no big deal, but the next day as i am getting ready to crash for the night, my girlfriends dad comes into my room and asks if we can switch because the bed in the room he was staying was hurting his back. so naturally i agree and trade rooms with him. so i fall asleep in the new bed and midway through the night i wake up to the feeling of what i thought was my girlfriend giving me a hummer. so i am laying there enjoying what is going down and i tell her in these exact words "we need to do this fast, so that your parents don't catch us."

the minute i say that the hummer stops, and she gets up to turn on the lights in the room. as soon as she does, and i realize its her mom, we both basically have that look on our faces saying wtf just happened here?

the last 2 days were extremely uncomfortable. the girlfriend and i went about our usual business and just moved on. i am a guy and at the time 17 so naturally any hummer was a good thing, so i was happy and didn't care that it was from her mom and just acted like nothing happened. but her mom was a freak. always pulling me aside saying how we need to say what happened and ask her husband and my girlfriend to forgive us. i keep telling her no and just forget it and move on, but finally she snaps on the last night we were there and blurts out what happened.

needless to say the drive back home was the longest most miserable drive of my life. my now ex girlfriend and myself sitting in the backseat with her either looking at me or her mom disgusted or screaming at me for letting it happen. when her arguments 1st started i tried telling her the truth. i was asleep and her mom jumped on my junk and in the dark room at night i didn't see that it wasn;t her. but as all guys know, most arguments with ladies you aren't going to win, no matter what you say or if it really wasn't your fault. in addition to the ex biting my head off, i have her father, eyeballing me in the rear view mirror and her mother who won't shut the hell up, trying to smooth things over, saying how it was harmless and just an accident and that we should all just move on(which for the 2 days prior i was telling her to do herself so we could have avoided the entire mess)

so finally after what seemed like an eternity we get back home. sadly the ordeal didn't end when we got back home.

the ex was constantly calling and hasseling me, and told her friends who in turn also called to give me ****. she returned my letterman's jacket, but with burn marks and holes cut into it. her parents a few months later got divorced, and according to her friends and family, it was all my fault. and to add to the weirdness. her mom called my mom, to tell her what happened between us. so not only did i have to deal with the ex, her friends and parents, but also my mom for a few months giving me strange looks and giving me **** for it all the time

easily the strangest time of my life.


It's funny that people would blame their failed marriage on you. People are funny.

BroncosSR
02-18-2010, 08:30 AM
I have a decent one.

I used to work for this one company doing software development and we were subcontractors for another company who were the prime contractors. This other company was right next to us so we often went over to have meetings, etc. Well, as soon as you walk in, there was a cute little secretary. She was 19/20 or so (I was 22 at the time). I didn't think much of it, at least any more than just eye candy going in and out of their offices. Eventually we started talking, initially just about work but then it became more social. Then we had a company happy hour and I was able to talk to her more. We started flirting here and there when I was over in her offices and over IM but I didn't really think much of it. Well one day I walk into my office and there was mail on my desk from the other company which was quite routine since all of the documentation came from them. It was an interoffice mail envelope, the kind that has signatures on it of the people who have received it and passed it on, etc... I opened up the envelope to find a pair of panties. Naturally I was confused initially, but there was also a letter in the envelope which read "I'm not wearing panties right now, what are you going to do about it?". At this point, being a 22 year old male, I'm in awe. I started to think to myself that this obviously came from the secretary chick but I didn't know her handwriting. So I talk to her on IM right then just to see if she says something about it but nothing ever came up. I'm somewhat boggled because I thought for sure she'd say something so maybe it wasn't from her. Well at lunch I found out. She came down into my office at lunch time and shut the door. She's like, "I see you got my envelope" and promptly pulled up her mini-skirt baring her private area. At this point I'm barely able to talk because I feel like this is a porn movie or something because these types of events rarely happen in life, especially to me. Regardless, I'm going to run with it. We proceeded to have sex in my office right then and there. That was the beginning of many encounters in my office both at lunch time and after work for a good 6-8 months until she finally wanted something more serious and she became real clingy. It was definitely awesome while it lasted.

On a side note: Since most of my friends wouldn't believe the story, I brought the "inter-office" mail envelope home and kept it as proof. Well years later after it was in the bottom of an unused drawer, my current girlfriend found it and completely flipped out. I had to explain the whole situation to her and that it was years ago. But on a good note, she now feels obligated to out-do that situation...

loborugger
02-18-2010, 08:31 AM
I ran into an old G/F from HS about 3 years after we both graduated. She had put on about 20 to 30 lbs, all in her belly. I congratulated her and asked her when she was due. She gave me a drop dead look and announced she wasnt pregnant.

And while this isnt as cool as getting BJs from your G/Fs mom, I HIGHLY recommend never talking to a chick about being pregnant unless she brings it up.

Beantown Bronco
02-18-2010, 08:38 AM
And while this isnt as cool as getting BJs from your G/Fs mom......

I think it's a safe bet that 99% of the posts from here on out could probably start with this disclaimer....

DBroncos4life
02-18-2010, 08:41 AM
He's lucky it wasn't her dad....

worm
02-18-2010, 08:44 AM
No way Mom didn't know who she was giving the hummer too.

RaiderH8r
02-18-2010, 09:10 AM
I ran into an old G/F from HS about 3 years after we both graduated. She had put on about 20 to 30 lbs, all in her belly. I congratulated her and asked her when she was due. She gave me a drop dead look and announced she wasnt pregnant.

And while this isnt as cool as getting BJs from your G/Fs mom, I HIGHLY recommend never talking to a chick about being pregnant unless she brings it up.

I am never the first to mention being pregnant to any woman, even if the baby's crowning and I have the southern view to confirm it. It just goes awkward so often it ain't worth it. If she says she's pregnant, fine. Other than that, uh uh, no way.

Cleo McDowell
02-18-2010, 09:31 AM
okay guys, catch this.

This particular event happened last summer on my uncle's farm in Virginia. My brother and I had just finished cutting a field of hay and were enjoying the evening meal under the shade of an elm tree. He went down for water by the creek and when he was gone, I took a bowl that was filled with delicious plum pudding and placed into it, not one, but two large pieces of sheep s***. When he returned I encouraged him to taste the plum pudding... And as sure as Im standing before you, he did! He ate it all. S*** Pudding!



Edwards: You got your brother to eat sheep dung. That is a very interesting story.

Hunt: Tell him the ending, that's the best part.

Higgins: Oh yeah. To be perfectly honest with you sir, I have no brother. It was me. I ate sheep S***! Swear to God! it was Me!

Beantown Bronco
02-18-2010, 09:36 AM
I'd be shocked if more than 5 people here knew what movie that quote came from without looking it up.

Dagmar
02-18-2010, 09:40 AM
I witnessed a murder.

I was riding home from school, on my bus, listening to music and not paying attention to anything. As we were stopping at one of the bus stops, a girl in the back started screaming. I looked back and saw her pointing out the window, and i followed her stare. Out in an unfenced yard were three guys. Two of them standing, one of them was on the ground, bloody. The taller of the two men had a baseball bat and was about ready to smash it into the downed man’s head again, when the men realized a whole busload of kids was looking at them… As the busdriver radioed in the 911 call, the other man, who hadn’t been doing anything, took a pistol out of his pocket and shot the guy in the head. At this point, the whole bus was in shock and glued to the morbid scene. The two men got into a car and sped off.
When I came home I was visibly shaken. I told my mom what I had just seen. Then she got really scared and said, “You’re moving with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air!” I whistled for a cab and when it came near, the license plate said FRESH and it had dice in the mirror. If anything I could say that this cab was rare, but I thought “Nah, forget it, yo homes to Bel-Air!” I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8 and I yelled to the cabby, “Yo homes, smell ya later!” Looked at my kingdom, I was finally there, to sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel-Air.






I know, I know. I hope this isn't seen as griefing...

Cleo McDowell
02-18-2010, 09:55 AM
I'd be shocked if more than 5 people here knew what movie that quote came from without looking it up.

sadly you may be right. one of my favorite farley performances and this storytelling scene is classic -- at least in my book.

Forgive me for recycling from a movie and not having my own, but it was the only story i felt that could play on a similar level of awesomeness of Broncoman4ever's felatio story.

DBroncos4life
02-18-2010, 10:05 AM
I'd be shocked if more than 5 people here knew what movie that quote came from without looking it up.

Almost Heroes. :)

broncosteven
02-18-2010, 12:01 PM
I have done the prego thing, sometimes they look so real!

I don't have any great sexual Penthouse letters encounters.

I do have a fart encounter that comes to mind, about 6 years back the place I worked for bought one of the 1st email encryption boxes to comply with HIPPA. This was a bleeding edge product and it wasn't working as advertised.

The vendor contacted a local Microsoft vendor to get a guy out and then they dispatched their dude from California out to Chicago along with the local rep there was also a hardware tech sent out because we were one of the 1st buyers, which is never a good idea but HIPPA compliance was a big push at the time.

So there are about 6 of us in my office, no one knew each other our 1st contact was a couple days prior via confrence calls. The 1st hour goes OK looks like we are making some headway and 3 of us were huddled around my screen and the other 3 guys were at the other side of the desk when the local Microsoft tech let a very audible fart loose.

The rest of us try not to acknowledge the fart or the smell I think everyone knows that it could happen to anyone plus we didn't know each other so we played it cool but a little later the same guy has to break into a conversation to ask me where the bathroom was and I had to leave the room with him to show him.

When I got back everyone was professional but later when the Microsoft rep offered to pop for lunch everyone came up with a reason not to go. I think we tacitly agreed never to talk of the incident again.

Then a week or 2 later I ran into the same dude who farted at a confrence downtown and all I could think of was "you were the dude who farted in my office".

BroncoMan4ever
02-18-2010, 05:28 PM
Home wrecker!

LOL

my main question has always been, what woman can't tell the difference between her husbands junk and another guys

BroncoMan4ever
02-18-2010, 05:32 PM
The real question is: who gave the better bj? The girlfriend or the mom?

they were both talented and i experienced 1st hand that the ex got her skills from her mother. but the mom was a pro, years of experience and knew exactly how to work it. which is why i still regret that i said anything and didn't get to finish

zdoor
02-18-2010, 05:43 PM
Got a massage at a spa in Jamaica. Outside the massage rooms, there are about 6, is a long vertical hot tub to wait in. Well, I wore a robe to the area and nothing underneath. When the attendant asked me to enjoy the tub while i waited, I took off the robe
(I am fairly far from shy) and walked to the front of the hot tub and proceeded to get in. Right after I got in the tub, which there were about 5 people already in, she told me I was supposed to wear my bathing suit when using the tub. Of course she did not offer to get me a towel and I had to get back out of the tub, butt naked and walk back to my robe. I felt pretty awkward to say the least....

Baba Booey
02-18-2010, 05:46 PM
You guys are hysterical.

Tankgunner95
02-18-2010, 07:51 PM
Ok here is mine,

I hired a young lady about a year ago, as a dispatcher for big trucks. One day phones ringing off the hook, sh!t hitting the fan. Anyways so I sitting right in front of this woman, and she one the phone, so im sitting there trying to get her attention. Well it was kinda like she was ignoring me! SO I YELLED WHAT ARE YOU F!@ing DEAF, and she looked up with tears in her eyes and said yes, in my left ear! Not such a good momment in my life.

BroncoMan4ever
02-18-2010, 07:59 PM
Ok here is mine,

I hired a young lady about a year ago, as a dispatcher for big trucks. One day phones ringing off the hook, **** hitting the fan. Anyways so I sitting right in front of this woman, and she one the phone, so im sitting there trying to get her attention. Well it was kinda like she was ignoring me! SO I YELLED WHAT ARE YOU F!@ing DEAF, and she looked up with tears in her eyes and said yes, in my left ear! Not such a good momment in my life.

that's brutal

Meck77
02-18-2010, 08:08 PM
I was just little kid and came down with some nasty cold which turned out to be pneumonia. Anyhow mom took me to see the doctor one day. The nurse goes through the standard temp check, stick your tongue out etc. Then she hands me a bottle and asks for a sample. My mom wasn't in the room for some reason and the nurse walked out. I wasn't quite sure what she meant and I took a crap in the jar! Nurse walks back in and started busting up. LMFAO!

BroncoMan4ever
02-18-2010, 08:41 PM
I was just little kid and came down with some nasty cold which turned out to be pneumonia. Anyhow mom took me to see the doctor one day. The nurse goes through the standard temp check, stick your tongue out etc. Then she hands me a bottle and asks for a sample. My mom wasn't in the room for some reason and the nurse walked out. I wasn't quite sure what she meant and I took a crap in the jar! Nurse walks back in and started busting up. LMFAO!

at least you weren't a little older and mistakenly took sample to mean sperm sample. i doubt the reaction from the nurse would have been quite as funny.

broncosteven
02-19-2010, 12:21 PM
I was just little kid and came down with some nasty cold which turned out to be pneumonia. Anyhow mom took me to see the doctor one day. The nurse goes through the standard temp check, stick your tongue out etc. Then she hands me a bottle and asks for a sample. My mom wasn't in the room for some reason and the nurse walked out. I wasn't quite sure what she meant and I took a crap in the jar! Nurse walks back in and started busting up. LMFAO!

I wonder if they called Crazywhorse in to clean to the carpet!

LOL

ColoradoDarin
02-19-2010, 12:46 PM
I say we rename this "Awesome Moments in Life"

RaiderH8r
02-19-2010, 12:51 PM
Farting while getting head, but that seems to be a common one. Making her gag on the stench, that's why I'm the winner.

Edit: My penis, that's what she gagged on I'm tellin ya. My penis. Ahh you guys don't know nothin.

Seriously though, my ass can be flat rotten. Dead carcass filled with rotting ass...plus dead ass curry stink kind of rotten. Man I laughed SO hard.

RaiderH8r
02-19-2010, 12:56 PM
Not so much awkward for me but for others.

It was college and we crashed a kegger at another house. One of the chicks who lived there pissed me off so in a drunken stupor I found every bathroom in the house and pissed on the toilet paper roll, soaked'em good. For my coup d'gras I dropped an upper decker in one of the toilets. Alas, I had pissed on the paper so I was left to wipe with that little toilet rug that sits on the floor...you know the one. The worst part was I had a wicked case of the mud butt that night so it was all soupy sales. I only regret not being there to see her reaction.

All class baby. I am all class.

epicSocialism4tw
02-19-2010, 01:25 PM
I went over to my brothers house one day and saw that he was in the back yard, so I went around to the gate, pressed the gate opener, and walked around the corner. I saw that he was washing a Nissan Z in the driveway, and he had just bought a corvette. I assumed that he had problems with the vette and had gotten the Z to replace it. So I walk around the corner and say something to the effect of "What is this piece of crap?" being sarcastic of course. I like Z's myself, but I like giving my brother a hard time too. Right after I said it, my brother looks over across the yard, points, and says "Its his" pointing to his father in law. This cat isnt particularly receptive to sarcasm, so needless to say I felt like a big jerk!

BroncoMan4ever
02-19-2010, 01:41 PM
Farting while getting head, but that seems to be a common one. Making her gag on the stench, that's why I'm the winner.

Edit: My penis, that's what she gagged on I'm tellin ya. My penis. Ahh you guys don't know nothin.

Seriously though, my ass can be flat rotten. Dead carcass filled with rotting ass...plus dead ass curry stink kind of rotten. Man I laughed SO hard.

Not so much awkward for me but for others.

It was college and we crashed a kegger at another house. One of the chicks who lived there pissed me off so in a drunken stupor I found every bathroom in the house and pissed on the toilet paper roll, soaked'em good. For my coup d'gras I dropped an upper decker in one of the toilets. Alas, I had pissed on the paper so I was left to wipe with that little toilet rug that sits on the floor...you know the one. The worst part was I had a wicked case of the mud butt that night so it was all soupy sales. I only regret not being there to see her reaction.

All class baby. I am all class.

damn dude. you are a disgusting man.

RaiderH8r
02-19-2010, 01:44 PM
damn dude. you are a disgusting man.

Well...this is awkward. Does it matter that I made her finish before coming up for air?:yayaya:

I'm the ONLY one who has farted while getting head? Can't be. Who is with me on this?

As far as upper deckers, that's for the kids out there. One that I'm proud to pass along.:approve:

Dukes
02-19-2010, 01:57 PM
As far as upper deckers, that's for the kids out there. One that I'm proud to pass along.:approve:

They are only meant for those you truly hate

RaiderH8r
02-19-2010, 02:05 PM
They are only meant for those you truly hate

Not for nothin but I'm a big dude and pulling off an upper decker is a feat of athletic prowess and balance rivaling some of the most talented athletes in the world. It ain't easy for a 300 lb drunken dude to perch atop a crapper, assume the squat and hover and flawlessly hold it so as not to tumble ass over tea kettle with the potential for a devastating injury and almost absolute certainty of coming up with **** in the hair. I do not put the maneuver into play lightly. I must say my form was flawless, my squat held nicely with no sign of tremble or fatigue and not a speck of crap found its way outside of the "drop zone". I ended with a quick hop and the improvised wipe on the toilet rug before dropping it precisely back into place and pulling up the drawers for a flawless dismount. Even the French judge gave it a 9.7.

epicSocialism4tw
02-19-2010, 02:19 PM
Not for nothin but I'm a big dude and pulling off an upper decker is a feat of athletic prowess and balance rivaling some of the most talented athletes in the world. It ain't easy for a 300 lb drunken dude to perch atop a crapper, assume the squat and hover and flawlessly hold it so as not to tumble ass over tea kettle with the potential for a devastating injury and almost absolute certainty of coming up with **** in the hair. I do not put the maneuver into play lightly. I must say my form was flawless, my squat held nicely with no sign of tremble or fatigue and not a speck of crap found its way outside of the "drop zone". I ended with a quick hop and the improvised wipe on the toilet rug before dropping it precisely back into place and pulling up the drawers for a flawless dismount. Even the French judge gave it a 9.7.

Ha!

Hilarious, dude!

The scariest thing about your story is the fact that you used a bacteria infested toilet rug to wipe one your orifices "clean". ;D

WolfpackGuy
02-19-2010, 02:27 PM
For my coup d'gras I dropped an upper decker in one of the toilets.



The "top shelf" is always a fan favorite.

LOL

Archer81
02-19-2010, 03:04 PM
Never agree to go skinny dipping and be the first one to strip down. Hillarity will ensue, but not for you.


:Broncos:

Beantown Bronco
02-19-2010, 03:08 PM
Never agree to go skinny dipping and be the first one to strip down. Hillarity will ensue, but not for you.


:Broncos:

I actually find that hilarity ensues whether I'm the first or last to strip down in those instances. It gets pretty tough to convince people that it's all because the water is cold before I even step into it.

Archer81
02-19-2010, 03:14 PM
I actually find that hilarity ensues whether I'm the first or last to strip down in those instances. It gets pretty tough to convince people that it's all because the water is cold before I even step into it.


HAHAHAHA.

My issue was walking back up to the houses through a couple of backyards in the middle of summer. Pay no attention to the bareassed teenager folks...


:Broncos:

HAT
02-19-2010, 03:38 PM
My mother walked in on me having sex with a girl in my walk in closet when I was 15.

Worst.

Experience.

Ever.

No...Worse is getting walked in on by HER mom. Happened to me at 15. I'm just glad she had a step dad that liked me or I might not of made it out alive.

Houshyamama
02-19-2010, 03:40 PM
I spent a summer commercial fishing up in Bristol Bay, Alaska. Was staying at a cabin of a famous bear hunter named Denny Thompson (he was like 84 years old) during a break from fishing and a bunch of us were drinking our asses off around a fire. Anyway, I ended up hooking up with the only hot girl in that part of Alaska and we went back to her bunk in the cabin, which we thought was empty. Turns out in our drunken stupor, we didn't realize that poor old Denny was laying in bed in the next room and heard everything. This girl was his great grand-daughter and there was only a thin layer of plywood separating the rooms between where we were getting it on and his bed. Needless to say it was really awkward next time I saw him.

BroncoMan4ever
02-19-2010, 03:56 PM
No...Worse is getting walked in on by HER mom. Happened to me at 15. I'm just glad she had a step dad that liked me or I might not of made it out alive.

worse than that is getting walked in on by the father. unlike the mom who will holler and freak out and make the situation annoying, a biological father is likely to kick your ass for violating his little princess.

TheElusiveKyleOrton
02-19-2010, 04:11 PM
Farting while getting head, but that seems to be a common one. Making her gag on the stench, that's why I'm the winner.

Edit: My penis, that's what she gagged on I'm tellin ya. My penis. Ahh you guys don't know nothin.

Seriously though, my ass can be flat rotten. Dead carcass filled with rotting ass...plus dead ass curry stink kind of rotten. Man I laughed SO hard.

... and then said "sorry about your duvet cover..."

underrated29
02-19-2010, 04:12 PM
I have had quite a few Bad moments. This is the only one that comes to mind though for some reason....


I was at my friends house, his whole family is mormon, including him. And the only way for us to have a sleep over is for me to go to church with them the next day. I didnt go to church with my family, so i didnt really care what church i went to, because the fun we always had the night before was worth the 3 hours of church the next day.

So we are sitting in this giant church room with about 200+ people. and the preacher is doing his thing. Everyone is dead quiet listening to him and its a little awkward. Then this girl who had a handicap gets up and starts walking, during this sermon. I cant give her name incase any of you know her, but she had a real funny walk. Her front left leg would move forward and her back left leg would drag behind her. So she would walk one step at a time.

Anyway, she starts walking down these stairs and eats **** hardcore. Then she tumbles down all the steps. I was maybe 12 or 13 at the time and I bust out laughing. I get an evil stare from some other people as they rush over to her. She gets up and is fine and the room gets quiet again. Someone asks her what she was doind. She said " I was running to a taco shell".


That was it, I lost it..... I spent the rest of the 2.5 hours laughing my ass off while they proceed with church. I tried to keep it in, but every now and then I would let out a giggle. Everyone was soo pissed at me! And my friend couldnt stop laughing at me, so it fed my laughter.... I finally calmed down with about 20 min to go. Little did I know, that there was a picnic we were going to after church at the girls house...........Thats when shyt really sucked!

Archer81
02-19-2010, 04:22 PM
Oh man...I have done some funny things.

When I was 5 or 6 we were living in Boulder, and our neighbor went for a trip for a few days. For some odd reason, I thought flooding his basement would be the best idea ever. So i open his basement window, drag our hose over and turn the water on. I go off and play and forget about it. The next morning there is a knock on the door and my dad answers. The neighbor asks him to take a walk around to his house, and my dad says ok. The hose from our house is leading right into the dude's basement...My dad had to do the dad thing and punish me, but years later he told me the things my brothers and I did were just so funny it was hard for him to yell at us most of the time.

:Broncos:

underrated29
02-19-2010, 04:27 PM
Well...this is awkward. Does it matter that I made her finish before coming up for air?:yayaya:

I'm the ONLY one who has farted while getting head? Can't be. Who is with me on this?

As far as upper deckers, that's for the kids out there. One that I'm proud to pass along.:approve:



yeah man I have done it....

A girl I was friends with in highschool was getting it on with her BF. He evidently had the runs because he let out an explosion she said. It went up her wall. I dont know how he got height out of it and I never saw it, but thats pretty bad. She said lucky for her they were doggy style.

BroncoMan4ever
02-19-2010, 04:54 PM
Oh man...I have done some funny things.

When I was 5 or 6 we were living in Boulder, and our neighbor went for a trip for a few days. For some odd reason, I thought flooding his basement would be the best idea ever. So i open his basement window, drag our hose over and turn the water on. I go off and play and forget about it. The next morning there is a knock on the door and my dad answers. The neighbor asks him to take a walk around to his house, and my dad says ok. The hose from our house is leading right into the dude's basement...My dad had to do the dad thing and punish me, but years later he told me the things my brothers and I did were just so funny it was hard for him to yell at us most of the time.

:Broncos:

you need to use the neighbors hose from their yard, not yours.

that is hilarious though

Archer81
02-19-2010, 05:22 PM
you need to use the neighbors hose from their yard, not yours.

that is hilarious though


Hindsight...

The things my brothers and I have done are epic; stealing cars, fistfights in commissary's, making snowmen anatomically correct to lighting box spring netting on fire while under the bed. I made Dennis the Menace look like a choir boy.

:Broncos:

hookemhess
02-19-2010, 06:06 PM
My college girlfriend and I are going at it at my house after class. She's on top doing her thing when I hear what sounds like a faint farting noise. These things are normal during such times, so I don't necessarily think it's a fart. I forget about it in less than a second but I apparently gave a "look." Because after about 4-5 seconds, she stops completely and looks at me funny. I say, "oh ****, did you just fart?" She turns red as an apple and just falls over with embarrassment. I'm laughing pretty hard at this point. Honestly, had she not stopped, I wouldn't have thought twice about it. But she gave herself away when she stopped and looked like that. Needless to say, I didn't finish.

Great lay, though.

BroncoMan4ever
02-19-2010, 08:59 PM
My college girlfriend and I are going at it at my house after class. She's on top doing her thing when I hear what sounds like a faint farting noise. These things are normal during such times, so I don't necessarily think it's a fart. I forget about it in less than a second but I apparently gave a "look." Because after about 4-5 seconds, she stops completely and looks at me funny. I say, "oh ****, did you just fart?" She turns red as an apple and just falls over with embarrassment. I'm laughing pretty hard at this point. Honestly, had she not stopped, I wouldn't have thought twice about it. But she gave herself away when she stopped and looked like that. Needless to say, I didn't finish.

Great lay, though.

too bad you couldn't finish. i personally especially if it was a good lay, would have shut my mouth finished and then possibly later asked if she farted. but more than likely i would have not cared enough to ask about it while she was on top of me.

RaiderH8r
02-22-2010, 07:43 AM
Ha!

Hilarious, dude!

The scariest thing about your story is the fact that you used a bacteria infested toilet rug to wipe one your orifices "clean". ;D

My assteria wins in the octogon of bacterial battle every time.

RocBronc
02-22-2010, 11:51 AM
Here's mine...

2 colleagues and I (we're all chemists) put together a fun educational chemistry demonstration to put on at local elementary schools. We go to a local Catholic school and we're doing our demonstration in the basement of the church (which is right next to the school) so several classes can see it at once. One of the things we did was burn a small amount of magnesium, which if you didn't know burns with a very bright white light. I know that sounds really dangerous but we only burned a very small amount that was shaped like a long piece of string that we held with tweezers and only burned for about 10 seconds. Well, we didn't notice that there was a smoke detector right above where we were doing this and it tripped the smoke alarm but it was a silent alarm so we didn't realize it until the fire department shows up. We were pretty embarressed but shortly after the priest of the diocese shows up and he doesn't look happy and the teachers told us not to worry that the guy is wound a little too tight. Well later that day we found out why he was so pissed... The fire alarm went off while there was a funeral going on upstairs and they had to evacuate the whole church during the service... We felt bad but at the same time we thought it was the funniest thing.

Not an embarrassing moment (but pretty cool nonetheless) but when we were doing the same chemistry demonstration at the elementary school I attended when I was a kid, I did the little "stay in school, science is cool speech" that we would do at the end of each show and I got to add on at the end that I had attended this very school several years earlier. I also pointed out that my third grade teacher was sitting right over there... My teacher's mouth drops open and her eyes got huge. The look on her face was priceless.

Pick Six
02-22-2010, 12:01 PM
These should be done in MS Paint format.

Seriously. Where's Demon Eagles when you need him?:rofl:

epicSocialism4tw
02-22-2010, 12:16 PM
Here's mine...

2 colleagues and I (we're all chemists) put together a fun educational chemistry demonstration to put on at local elementary schools. We go to a local Catholic school and we're doing our demonstration in the basement of the church (which is right next to the school) so several classes can see it at once. One of the things we did was burn a small amount of magnesium, which if you didn't know burns with a very bright white light. I know that sounds really dangerous but we only burned a very small amount that was shaped like a long piece of string that we held with tweezers and only burned for about 10 seconds. Well, we didn't notice that there was a smoke detector right above where we were doing this and it tripped the smoke alarm but it was a silent alarm so we didn't realize it until the fire department shows up. We were pretty embarressed but shortly after the priest of the diocese shows up and he doesn't look happy and the teachers told us not to worry that the guy is wound a little too tight. Well later that day we found out why he was so pissed... The fire alarm went off while there was a funeral going on upstairs and they had to evacuate the whole church during the service... We felt bad but at the same time we thought it was the funniest thing.

Not an embarrassing moment (but pretty cool nonetheless) but when we were doing the same chemistry demonstration at the elementary school I attended when I was a kid, I did the little "stay in school, science is cool speech" that we would do at the end of each show and I got to add on at the end that I had attended this very school several years earlier. I also pointed out that my third grade teacher was sitting right over there... My teacher's mouth drops open and her eyes got huge. The look on her face was priceless.

That's awful, dude.

Quoydogs
03-31-2011, 04:08 PM
i accidentally got a hummer from my high school girlfriends mom.

it went down like this. during our spring break my girlfriend and her family were going up to the mountains to ski for the break. we had been dating for like 6 months so she invited me to go with them. they had relatives who had a nice house near where we were skiing and snowboarding for the week. We got there and the rules were obviously, at night i stay in my room and my girlfriend in hers. no funny business allowed, but we were teenagers, so naturally we were going to break the rules anyway.

first few days are awesome, snowboarding and going at it like rabbits every chance we got. midway through the week we were up there, her mom and dad start fighting like crazy. they decide they were going to spend the rest of their vacation in separate rooms.

so first night they are apart is no big deal, but the next day as i am getting ready to crash for the night, my girlfriends dad comes into my room and asks if we can switch because the bed in the room he was staying was hurting his back. so naturally i agree and trade rooms with him. so i fall asleep in the new bed and midway through the night i wake up to the feeling of what i thought was my girlfriend giving me a hummer. so i am laying there enjoying what is going down and i tell her in these exact words "we need to do this fast, so that your parents don't catch us."

the minute i say that the hummer stops, and she gets up to turn on the lights in the room. as soon as she does, and i realize its her mom, we both basically have that look on our faces saying wtf just happened here?

the last 2 days were extremely uncomfortable. the girlfriend and i went about our usual business and just moved on. i am a guy and at the time 17 so naturally any hummer was a good thing, so i was happy and didn't care that it was from her mom and just acted like nothing happened. but her mom was a freak. always pulling me aside saying how we need to say what happened and ask her husband and my girlfriend to forgive us. i keep telling her no and just forget it and move on, but finally she snaps on the last night we were there and blurts out what happened.

needless to say the drive back home was the longest most miserable drive of my life. my now ex girlfriend and myself sitting in the backseat with her either looking at me or her mom disgusted or screaming at me for letting it happen. when her arguments 1st started i tried telling her the truth. i was asleep and her mom jumped on my junk and in the dark room at night i didn't see that it wasn;t her. but as all guys know, most arguments with ladies you aren't going to win, no matter what you say or if it really wasn't your fault. in addition to the ex biting my head off, i have her father, eyeballing me in the rear view mirror and her mother who won't shut the hell up, trying to smooth things over, saying how it was harmless and just an accident and that we should all just move on(which for the 2 days prior i was telling her to do herself so we could have avoided the entire mess)

so finally after what seemed like an eternity we get back home. sadly the ordeal didn't end when we got back home.

the ex was constantly calling and hasseling me, and told her friends who in turn also called to give me ****. she returned my letterman's jacket, but with burn marks and holes cut into it. her parents a few months later got divorced, and according to her friends and family, it was all my fault. and to add to the weirdness. her mom called my mom, to tell her what happened between us. so not only did i have to deal with the ex, her friends and parents, but also my mom for a few months giving me strange looks and giving me **** for it all the time

easily the strangest time of my life.


My god man that is a classic.

Mogulseeker
03-31-2011, 04:52 PM
Reading the bill of rights thread and seeing about the awkwardness of using the word Gay around someone who is homosexual, gave me the idea to create a thread in which we can discuss and share a few laughs about our own personal awkward moments that at the time were terrible, but after time passes you see them as interesting or even funny.

My most awkward moment came my freshman year in college. i was working as a manager at a video store. the store was looking to hire a new clerk and I was going through applications with another guy who worked there. we are joking around talking about girls who applied and just having a typical guy conversation.

as I am going through the applications I come across one from a girl who I had been trying to hookup with since high school. so in the continuation of our conversation i turn to my coworker and say "I think I have found the girl we are going to hire." i pass him the application and he looks it over and asks "Why" and being a guy, i tell him "I have been trying to nail this girl since my junior year in high school." to which he replies, "dude that's my cousin."

needless to say the rest of our shift was strange and spent mostly in silence.

side note, i still hired his cousin, and hooked up with her.

I don't understand why this is so awkward. On my hockey team in High School, I was nailing a girl whose brother was on my line. I actually met him and his sister about the same time. I straight up told him I wanted to bone his sister, and he actually helped me to accomplish the fact. When I asked him if it bothered him, he was like "nah, what my sis does is her own business."

FYI... the friend and his sister were Finns, who grew up in Sweden and moved to Colorado briefly.

Dr. Broncenstein
03-31-2011, 05:02 PM
Came home to find my mother in law vacuuming my house in the nude. She's 65 and tips the scales at around 3 hundy. Goddamn.

Quoydogs
03-31-2011, 05:04 PM
Came home to find my mother in law vacuuming my house in the nude. She's 65 and tips the scales at around 3 hundy. Goddamn.

:thanku: :thanku: :thanku: The images are burning my eyes.

Chris
03-31-2011, 05:11 PM
Pooping in the pool when I was 2.

But really.... not awkward.... kinda boss.

FantomForce
03-31-2011, 05:29 PM
Here is mine, so I'm on a road trip of about 13 hours. About 7 hours into it I make the usual gas station stop. Pull over fill up and promptly walk in to the gas station. My bladder is screaming and I walk into the restroom, praise the Lord it was one of those bathrooms that is made for one person to be in at a time. You know, toliet, urinal, sink and a door that locks. So there I am peeing into the urinal, when all of a sudden I get the urge to fart. ALL of us have recieved said urge and just let it rip, as did I. But what happend was it was the most ultimate "wet" fart of my entire life! I stopped what I was doing sat down on the toilet and looked at my pants. As I assesed the sitiuation I noticed that my boxers kept it from going through to my pants, so I slipped those off threw them into the trash, cleaned myself, went back out to my car, camando of course. Dug into my bag grabbed a new pair and walked back in replace my boxers, bought a pack of ho's ho's and ding dongs, and a Pepsi and then went on my merry way

phibacka31
03-31-2011, 05:34 PM
Here is mine, so I'm on a road trip of about 13 hours. About 7 hours into it I make the usual gas station stop. Pull over fill up and promptly walk in to the gas station. My bladder is screaming and I walk into the restroom, praise the Lord it was one of those bathrooms that is made for one person to be in at a time. You know, toliet, urinal, sink and a door that locks. So there I am peeing into the urinal, when all of a sudden I get the urge to fart. ALL of us have recieved said urge and just let it rip, as did I. But what happend was it was the most ultimate "wet" fart of my entire life! I stopped what I was doing sat down on the toilet and looked at my pants. As I assesed the sitiuation I noticed that my boxers kept it from going through to my pants, so I slipped those off threw them into the trash, cleaned myself, went back out to my car, camando of course. Dug into my bag grabbed a new pair and walked back in replace my boxers, bought a pack of ho's ho's and ding dongs, and a Pepsi and then went on my merry way

SO FUNNY! Same thing happened to me when I was a senior in high school... slipped of the boxers and finished the rest of the day commando...

Archer81
03-31-2011, 05:35 PM
We were living on base, and my mom wanted to talk to a friend of ours. They had a son my brother's age and a 2 year old daughter. So we head down to their house and talk to them (she was a Marine, her husband was a tub...dude was a dick...anyway). Talking for awhile and making sure it was ok if my brother could spend the night, it was fine. Talking for awhile and I feel something poking me in the leg, so I step forward without looking. Pokes me again. I think its my brother and backhand who I think is my broheim, again without looking. It ended up being the toddler. The fat bastard husband decided it was time I get a lecture on being aware of my surroundings and then criticized my mother for having, in his words, "stupid deviants" for sons. My mother, bless her, smacked him, collected my brother and I, and we never spoke to them again. Which was easy because it was on base and we moved to NC a month later.



:Broncos:

SonOfLe-loLang
03-31-2011, 05:38 PM
I know I've had more awkward experiences than the following, but this just happened not long ago:

The roof of my apartment building has a pool and hot tub, but never really is occupied after sundown. It is quite peaceful up there, so often times ill write on one of the pool chairs and listen to music with headphones. 19 times out of 20, im the only one there. One night recently, I have my head in my notebook, listening to whatever, when I suddenly see something out of the corner of my eye: an attractive topless lady is setting aside her things alongside me. I try to pretend I don't notice and keep my head in my book while she gets in the hottub and stays in there for 20 minutes or so. While she's relaxing, i'm aware shes there, but have turned my attention back to my music and writing...but suddenly I feel a tap on the chair and see her standing, still topless, in front of me. So i take out my earphones, ask whats up, and she says (in a sexy euro accent) "i dropped my keys in the hottub and i can't find them. can you help?"

And I'm like....unreal, where are the cameras for the hidden porno? But **** yeah I'm gonna help. So, I take off my shirt, get in the hot tub with my shorts, and located the keys rather quickly. I give them to her and she's like "Great! thanks!" and gets out, puts on a towel and goes away in an instant. Meanwhile, I'm still standing there in the hottub, stunned and wondering if i did anything wrong, and just realized my cell phone was still in my pocket. My now broken cell phone.

next day i saw her and, what i assume, was her boyfriend...who was like 6'6 250 of muscle....soooo...well, there ya have it.

DomCasual
03-31-2011, 05:51 PM
i accidentally got a hummer from my high school girlfriends mom.

it went down like this. during our spring break my girlfriend and her family were going up to the mountains to ski for the break. we had been dating for like 6 months so she invited me to go with them. they had relatives who had a nice house near where we were skiing and snowboarding for the week. We got there and the rules were obviously, at night i stay in my room and my girlfriend in hers. no funny business allowed, but we were teenagers, so naturally we were going to break the rules anyway.

first few days are awesome, snowboarding and going at it like rabbits every chance we got. midway through the week we were up there, her mom and dad start fighting like crazy. they decide they were going to spend the rest of their vacation in separate rooms.

so first night they are apart is no big deal, but the next day as i am getting ready to crash for the night, my girlfriends dad comes into my room and asks if we can switch because the bed in the room he was staying was hurting his back. so naturally i agree and trade rooms with him. so i fall asleep in the new bed and midway through the night i wake up to the feeling of what i thought was my girlfriend giving me a hummer. so i am laying there enjoying what is going down and i tell her in these exact words "we need to do this fast, so that your parents don't catch us."

the minute i say that the hummer stops, and she gets up to turn on the lights in the room. as soon as she does, and i realize its her mom, we both basically have that look on our faces saying wtf just happened here?

the last 2 days were extremely uncomfortable. the girlfriend and i went about our usual business and just moved on. i am a guy and at the time 17 so naturally any hummer was a good thing, so i was happy and didn't care that it was from her mom and just acted like nothing happened. but her mom was a freak. always pulling me aside saying how we need to say what happened and ask her husband and my girlfriend to forgive us. i keep telling her no and just forget it and move on, but finally she snaps on the last night we were there and blurts out what happened.

needless to say the drive back home was the longest most miserable drive of my life. my now ex girlfriend and myself sitting in the backseat with her either looking at me or her mom disgusted or screaming at me for letting it happen. when her arguments 1st started i tried telling her the truth. i was asleep and her mom jumped on my junk and in the dark room at night i didn't see that it wasn;t her. but as all guys know, most arguments with ladies you aren't going to win, no matter what you say or if it really wasn't your fault. in addition to the ex biting my head off, i have her father, eyeballing me in the rear view mirror and her mother who won't shut the hell up, trying to smooth things over, saying how it was harmless and just an accident and that we should all just move on(which for the 2 days prior i was telling her to do herself so we could have avoided the entire mess)

so finally after what seemed like an eternity we get back home. sadly the ordeal didn't end when we got back home.

the ex was constantly calling and hasseling me, and told her friends who in turn also called to give me ****. she returned my letterman's jacket, but with burn marks and holes cut into it. her parents a few months later got divorced, and according to her friends and family, it was all my fault. and to add to the weirdness. her mom called my mom, to tell her what happened between us. so not only did i have to deal with the ex, her friends and parents, but also my mom for a few months giving me strange looks and giving me **** for it all the time

easily the strangest time of my life.

I saw this story once before. It started with, "I never used to believe the stories in this magazine were true, until it happened to me."

Chris
03-31-2011, 08:12 PM
When I was 12 I was propositioned by a Costa Rican prostitute in the rainforest. I did not take the bait (not sure if that would have been great or if I would have been mortified). No joke.

epicSocialism4tw
03-31-2011, 10:06 PM
Here is mine, so I'm on a road trip of about 13 hours. About 7 hours into it I make the usual gas station stop. Pull over fill up and promptly walk in to the gas station. My bladder is screaming and I walk into the restroom, praise the Lord it was one of those bathrooms that is made for one person to be in at a time. You know, toliet, urinal, sink and a door that locks. So there I am peeing into the urinal, when all of a sudden I get the urge to fart. ALL of us have recieved said urge and just let it rip, as did I. But what happend was it was the most ultimate "wet" fart of my entire life! I stopped what I was doing sat down on the toilet and looked at my pants. As I assesed the sitiuation I noticed that my boxers kept it from going through to my pants, so I slipped those off threw them into the trash, cleaned myself, went back out to my car, camando of course. Dug into my bag grabbed a new pair and walked back in replace my boxers, bought a pack of ho's ho's and ding dongs, and a Pepsi and then went on my merry way

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_AMX21VKv97w/SPu_BGAqi9I/AAAAAAAAEMM/p5KWwqrGTAk/s320/oops.jpg

mhgaffney
03-31-2011, 10:08 PM
Epic,

Yah - no doubt Ronnie was crapping in his trousers in the Oval Office.

We still haven't cleaned up the mess.

epicSocialism4tw
03-31-2011, 10:19 PM
Epic,

Yah - no doubt Ronnie was crapping in his trousers in the Oval Office.

We still haven't cleaned up the mess.

http://scienceblogs.com/startswithabang/upload/2009/04/weekend_diversion_do_tinfoil_h/tinfoil_hat_antenna.jpg