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PaintballCLE
01-21-2010, 10:24 PM
“[He] called me a ‘rapist’ and a ‘recluse.’ I’m not a recluse.”

-- Mike Tyson

PaintballCLE
01-21-2010, 10:26 PM
"Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh man....I could be eating a slow learner."

Pres LBJ

SouthStndJunkie
01-21-2010, 11:20 PM
"Being entirely honest with oneself is a good exercise."

- Sigmund Freud

Killericon
01-21-2010, 11:25 PM
None of these are funny, but they're my favourites.
(http://www.facebook.com/pages/I-Bet-ALBERTA-Can-Get-1-Million-Fans-Before-Any-Other-Province/150466984998?ref=nf&v=wall#)<dl class="info"><dd>"Live a good life. If there are gods and they are just, then they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by. If there are gods, but unjust, then you should not want to worship them. If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones." - Marcus Aurelius

"If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear." - George Orwell

"Whatever Happens, Happens." - Spike Spiegel(Cowboy Bebop)

"When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all." - God(Futurama)

"Music is the only religion that delivers the goods" - Frank Zappa

"It takes the greatest kind of wisdom to know when to apply injustice." - Donna Hawthorne(A Scanner Darkly)

"If anyone can show me, and prove to me, that I am wrong in thought or deed, I will gladly change. I seek the truth, which never yet hurt anybody. It is only persistence in self-delusion and ignorance which does harm." - Marcus Aurelius

"Some use statistics as a drunk use a light pole; for support instead of enlightenment." - Andreas Heldal-Lund

"Let me never fall into the vulgar mistake of dreaming that I am persecuted whenever I am contradicted." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

"I'm not an aethist, cause that's something you have to believe...I'm just a person who thinks...that if there was someone judging me(and I'm sure there's noone like that), then I'd be fine." - George Carlin

"In the moment when I truly understand my enemy, understand him well enough to defeat him, then in that very moment I also love him. I think it's impossible to really understand somebody, what they want, what they believe, and not love them the way they love themselves. And then, in that very moment when I love them-" "-You beat them."- Ender & Valentine Wiggin(Ender's Game)

"If music be the food of love, play on;
Give me excess of it, that, surfeiting,
The appetite may sicken, and so die." - Duke Orsino(Twelfth Night)

"For what is good cannot be made evil by the will of men." - Bartoleme de las Casas

"What condemnation could possibly be more harsh than one's own when self-pretense is no longer possible?" - Albert(What Dreams May Come)

"In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends." - Martin Luther King Jr.

"If one would give me six lines written by the hand of the most honest man, I would find something in them to have him hanged." - Cardinal Richelieu

"If you're not a liberal when you're 25, you have no heart. If you're not a conservative by the time you're 35, you have no brain." - Winston Churchill

"Quod Sumus Hoc Eritis(So you are, you shall be)." - Latin Proverb

"My mind is my own church." - Thomas Paine

"To the young friend of truth and beauty who would inquire of me how, despite all the opposition of his century, he is to satisfy the noble impulses of his heart, I would make answer: impart to the world you would influence a direction toward the good, and the quiet rhythm of time will bring it to fulfillment."- Friedrich Schiller

"I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong." - Bertrand Russell

"There is nothing more oppressive than a well-meaning sympathizer on the loose." - Wayne Mayfield(The Practice)

"A mind is like a wound; if it's too open you get an infection." - Judge Roberta Kittleson(The Practice)

"I may happen to contradict myself but, as Demades said, I never contradict truth." - Michel de Montaigne

"I was formed by nature to be a mathematically curious entity. Not one but half of two." - Niels Bohr(Copenhagen)

"Without music, life would be a mistake." - Friedrich Nietzsche

“Music is a moral law. It gives soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination, and charm and gaiety to life and to everything.” - Plato

"In the end I think of music as saving grace for all humanity." - Henry Miller

"When money ceases to be the tool by which men deal with one another, then men become the tools of men. Blood, whips and guns--or dollars. Take your choice--there is no other." - Francisco d'Anconia(Atlas Shrugged)

"Why don't you tell me what you think of me, Mr. Roark?"
"But I don't think of you." - Ellsworth Toohey & Howard Roark(The Fountainhead)

"So you discovered you're not a businessman after all."
"No, I'm just a man."
"An ancient race."- Harmonica & Frank(Once Upon a Time in the West)</dd></dl>

watermock
01-21-2010, 11:41 PM
"The Plan".

At least he had one.

SoCalBronco
01-21-2010, 11:44 PM
"Getting rep from Hogan is about as likely as finding a condom in Bob's wallet"
-Taco John

"Actually...you'd probably find a condom in Bob's wallet, but its been there so long that opening the packet that contained it would be like opening a packet of sugar"
-Clockwork Orange

Archer81
01-22-2010, 12:26 AM
Some of my favorites:

We shall not flag or fail. We shall go on to the end. We shall fight in France, we shall fight on the seas and the oceans, we shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength in the air, we shall defend our island, whatever the cost may be. We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender-Churchill.

With Malice toward none, with charity for all, with firmness in the right, as God gives us to see the right, let us strive on to finish the work we are in, to bind up the nation's wounds-Lincoln

Ezekiel 25:17: The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the Valley of Darkness; for he is truly his brother's keeper, and the finder of lost children. And, I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers! And, you will know my name is The Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee-Jules, Pulp Fiction

<TABLE cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0><TBODY><TR><TD vAlign=top>Jules Winnfield:</TD><TD vAlign=top><DD>What does Marsellus Wallace look like?</DD></TD></TR><TR><TD vAlign=top>Brett:</TD><TD vAlign=top><DD>What?</DD></TD></TR><TR><TD vAlign=top>Jules Winnfield:</TD><TD vAlign=top><DD>What country you from?!</DD></TD></TR><TR><TD vAlign=top>Brett:</TD><TD vAlign=top><DD>Wh-what?</DD></TD></TR><TR><TD vAlign=top>Jules Winnfield:</TD><TD vAlign=top><DD>What ain't no country I ever heard of! They speak English in What?</DD></TD></TR><TR><TD vAlign=top>Brett:</TD><TD vAlign=top><DD>What?</DD></TD></TR><TR><TD vAlign=top>Jules Winnfield:</TD><TD vAlign=top><DD>English, mother-fu**er! Do you speak it?!</DD></TD></TR><TR><TD vAlign=top>Brett:</TD><TD vAlign=top><DD>Yes.</DD></TD></TR><TR><TD vAlign=top>Jules Winnfield:</TD><TD vAlign=top><DD>Then you know what I'm saying?!</DD></TD></TR><TR><TD vAlign=top>Brett:</TD><TD vAlign=top><DD>Yes.</DD></TD></TR><TR><TD vAlign=top>Jules Winnfield:</TD><TD vAlign=top><DD>Describe what Marsellus Wallace looks like!</DD></TD></TR><TR><TD vAlign=top>Brett:</TD><TD vAlign=top><DD>What?</DD></TD></TR><TR><TD vAlign=top>Jules Winnfield:</TD><TD vAlign=top><DD>Say "what" again! Say "what" again! I dare you, I double dare you, mother-fu**er! Say "what" one more Goddamn time!</DD></TD></TR><TR><TD vAlign=top>Brett:</TD><TD vAlign=top><DD>He's black.</DD></TD></TR><TR><TD vAlign=top>Jules Winnfield:</TD><TD vAlign=top><DD>Go on!</DD></TD></TR><TR><TD vAlign=top>Brett:</TD><TD vAlign=top><DD>He's bald.</DD></TD></TR><TR><TD vAlign=top>Jules Winnfield:</TD><TD vAlign=top><DD>Does he look like a bitch?!</DD></TD></TR><TR><TD vAlign=top>Brett:</TD><TD vAlign=top><DD>What? Oww!</DD></TD></TR><TR><TD vAlign=top>Jules Winnfield:</TD><TD vAlign=top><DD>Does he look like a bitch?!</DD></TD></TR><TR><TD vAlign=top>Brett:</TD><TD vAlign=top><DD>No!</DD></TD></TR><TR><TD vAlign=top>Jules Winnfield:</TD><TD vAlign=top><DD>Then why you trying to fu** him like a bitch, Brett?</DD></TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>

:Broncos:

ZONA
01-22-2010, 02:13 AM
Albert Einstein


"Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new."

"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe."

"I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones."

broncocalijohn
01-22-2010, 03:57 AM
Got this from my little league coach that i still use (almost 30 years later).
"Practice doesnt make perfect. Perfect practice makes perfect."

Pony Boy
01-22-2010, 09:51 AM
"There's one sure way to stop us from scoring-give us the ball near the goal line." Matty Bell / SMU

"I could have been a Rhodes Scholar, except for my grades." Duffy Daugherty / Michigan State

"They whipped us like a tied up goat." Spike Dykes / Texas Tech

"Son, you've got a good engine, but your hands aren't on the steering wheel." Bobby Bowden / Florida State

DenverBrit
01-22-2010, 10:18 AM
“I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.” – Stephen Bishop

“I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.” – Mark Twain


George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill:
“I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one.”

Winston Churchill, in response:
“Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one.”

Beantown Bronco
01-22-2010, 10:35 AM
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worm
01-22-2010, 11:46 AM
Col. Nathan Jessup: Son, we live in a world that has walls, and those walls have to be guarded by men with guns. Who's gonna do it? You? You, Lieutenant Weinberg? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for Santiago and you curse the marines. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that Santiago's death, while tragic, probably saved lives. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives. You don't want the truth because, deep down in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on that wall, you need me on that wall. We use words like honor, code, loyalty. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent defending something. You use them as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom that I provide and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said "thank you" and went on your way. Otherwise I suggest you pick up a weapon and stand at post. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you are entitled to

Rohirrim
01-22-2010, 11:55 AM
Stephen Wright one-liners

- Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm
- Drink 'til she's cute, but stop before the wedding
- Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines
- Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
- I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week
- I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met
- I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol
- I intend to live forever - so far, so good
- I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy
- If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
- If you ain't makin' waves, you ain't kickin' hard enough!
- Mental backup in progress - Do Not Disturb!
- Mind Like A Steel Trap - Rusty And Illegal In 37 States
- Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of
- Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have
- Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion.
- The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
- When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
- Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
- Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you.
- If I worked as much as others, I would do as little as they.
- Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder ...
- 24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case ... coincidence?
- If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
- Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
- Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.
- When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.
- Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
- Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!
- If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
- Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
- Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
- I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
- I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
- I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
- Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
- How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
- Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.
- Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
- Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
- Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!
- For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
- OK, so what's the speed of dark?
- Black holes are where God divided by zero.
- All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
- I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.

cousinal11
01-22-2010, 12:13 PM
"Luck is what happens when preparation and anticipation meet opportunity."

-cousinal11 - Week 1, 2009 @ Cincinnati.

Beantown Bronco
01-22-2010, 12:32 PM
“[He] called me a ‘rapist’ and a ‘recluse.’ I’m not a recluse.”

-- Mike Tyson

Here are some of my favorite Mike Tyson quotes:

"I really dig Hannibal. Hannibal had real guts. He rode elephants into Cartilage."

"I can sell out Madison Square Garden masturbating."

"I just want to conquer people and their souls."

"Anyone with a grain of sense would know that if I punched my wife I would rip her head off. It's all lies. I have never laid a finger on her."

To a reporter in 2002: "It's interesting that you put me in the league with those illustrious fighters [Muhammad Ali, Joe Louis, Jack Johnson], but I've proved since my career I've surpassed them as far my popularity. I'm the biggest fighter in the history of the sport. If you don't believe it, check the cash register."

"I could have knocked him out in the third round but I wanted to do it slowly, so he would remember this night for a long time."

"There's no one perfect. ... Jimmy Swaggart is a lascivious creature, Mike Tyson is lascivious - but we're not criminally, at least I'm not, criminally lascivious. You know what I mean. I may like to fornicate more than other people - it's just who I am. I sacrifice so much of my life, can I at least get laid? I mean, I been robbed of my most of my money, can I at least get a blowjob without the people wanting to harass me and wanting to throw me in jail?"

"I guess I'm gonna fade into Bolivian"

"Lennox is a conqueror? No. I'm Alexander, he's no Alexander! I'm the best ever! There's never been anybody as ruthless. I'm Sonny Liston, I'm Jack Dempsey, there's no one like me - I'm from their cloth. There's no one that can match me! My style is impetuous, my defense is impregnable, and I'm just ferocious! I want your heart! I want to eat his children! Praise be to Allah!"

“I want to throw down your kid and stomp on his testicles, and then you will know what it is like to experience waking up everyday as me. And only then will you feel my pain.”

"You guys have written so much bad stuff about me I can't remember the last time I ****ed a decent woman. I have to go with strippers and 'ho's' and bitches because you put that image on me."

"I'm just like you. I enjoy the forbidden fruits in life, too. I think it's un-American not to go out with a woman, not to be with a beautiful woman, not to get my dick sucked ... It's just what I said before, everybody in this country is a big ****ing liar. [The media] tells people ... that this person did this and this person did that and then we find out that were just human and we find out that Michael Jordan cheats on his wife just like everybody else and that we all cheat on our ****ing wife in one way or another either emotionally, physically or sexually or one way."

In a 2003 interview with Fox News legal expert Greta Van Susteren, Tyson denounces Desiree Washington as "no i didnt rape that slimy bitch. because shes really a bad person . I just hate her guts. She put me in that state where, I don't know, I really wish I did now. Now I really do want to rape her and her ****ing mama."

Meck77
01-22-2010, 12:40 PM
Find a job you love and you'll never work a day in your life.

(Confucius)

Hogan11
01-22-2010, 03:08 PM
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to

- W.C. Fields

Archer81
01-22-2010, 03:18 PM
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. - E. Roosevelt.

It was a foolish man who built his house upon the sand. -Mathew 7:26.


:Broncos:

Rohirrim
01-22-2010, 04:31 PM
"I guess I'm gonna fade into Bolivian"
:spit:

loborugger
01-22-2010, 04:53 PM
We're just trying to win a ****ing football game!!!!

PaintballCLE
01-22-2010, 09:21 PM
We're just trying to win a ****ing football game!!!!

lol i was waiting for someone to say that.

PaintballCLE
01-22-2010, 09:21 PM
We will not miss the playoffs! -- Shanny

gunns
01-22-2010, 11:22 PM
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity and I'm not sure about the universe. ~Albert Einstein

Whoever undertakes to set himself up as a judge of Truth and Knowledge is shipwrecked by the laughter of the Gods. ~Albert Einstein

If there are no dogs in heaven, then I want to go where they are. ~unknown

I'm tough, ambitious, and I know exactly what I want. If that makes me a bitch, okay. ~Madonna

maher_tyler
01-22-2010, 11:52 PM
I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me.
- Hunter S. Thompson

Maybe there is no Heaven. Or maybe this is all pure gibberish—a product of the demented imagination of a lazy drunken hillbilly with a heart full of hate who has found a way to live out where the real winds blow—to sleep late, have fun, get wild, drink whisky, and drive fast on empty streets with nothing in mind except falling in love and not getting arrested . . . Res ipsa loquitur. Let the good times roll.
- Hunter S. Thompson

My concept of death for a long time was to come down that mountain road at 120 and just keep going straight right there, burst out through the barrier and hang out above all that . . . and there I'd be, sitting in the front seat, stark naked, with a case of whiskey next to me and a case of dynamite in the trunk . . . honking the horn, and the lights on, and just sit there in space for an instant, a human bomb, and fall down into that mess of steel mills. It'd be a tremendous goddam explosion. No pain. No one would get hurt. I'm pretty sure, unless they've changed the highway, that launching place is still there. As soon as I get home, I ought to take the drive just to check it out.
- Hunter S. Thompson

Kid A
01-23-2010, 12:52 PM
"Hello babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. On the outside, babies, you've got a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies -- God damn it, you've got to be kind."

-Kurt Vonnegut

Drunk Monkey
01-23-2010, 01:53 PM
"There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again."

President Bush part Duex

WolfpackGuy
01-23-2010, 01:56 PM
"We gotta call somebody somewhere to get...some thing." ~ old timer in a schedule meeting at my old job

watermock
01-23-2010, 02:31 PM
"There's only two kinds of people I can't stand, a liar or a thief..." ~Dad

loborugger
01-23-2010, 02:56 PM
I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me.
- Hunter S. Thompson


Coming from a dude who swallowed his revolver not too long ago...