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Sassy
06-20-2009, 11:33 AM
What funny thing has your child/grandchild said or done!
(Hey, it's still technically the off-season! ;D )

Each paragraph is a small vignette and out of the mouths of "babes"! Never hurts to listen to what the little tykes say!

While I sat in the reception area of my doctor's office, a woman rolled an elderly man in a wheelchair into the room. As she went to the receptionist's desk, the man sat there, alone and silent. Just as I was thinking I should make small talk with him, a little boy slipped off his mother's lap and walked over to the wheelchair. Placing his hand on the man's, he said, “I know how you feel. My mom makes me ride in the stroller too.”


As I was nursing my baby, my cousin's six-year-old daughter, Krissy, came into the room. Never having seen anyone breast-feed before, she was intrigued and full of all kinds of questions about what I was doing. After mulling over my answers, she remarked, “My mom has some of those, but I don't think she knows how to use them”.



Out bicycling one day with my eight-year-old granddaughter, Carolyn, I got a little wistful. “In ten years,” I said, “you'll want to be with your friends and you won't go walking, biking, and swimming with me like you do now”. Carolyn shrugged. “In ten years you'll be too old to do all those things anyway”.

Working as a pediatric nurse, I had the difficult assignment of giving immunization shots to children. One day I entered the examining room to give four-year-old Lizzie her needle. “No, no, no!” she screamed. “Lizzie”, scolded her mother, “that's not polite behavior”. With that, the
girl yelled even louder, “No, thank you! No, thank you”!



On the way back from a Cub Scout meeting, my grandson asked my son the question. “Dad, I know that babies come from mommies' tummies, but how do they get there in the first place?” he asked innocently. After my son hemmed and hawed awhile, my grandson finally spoke up in disgust. “You don't have to make something up, Dad. It's OK if you don't know the answer”.

Just before I was deployed to Iraq , I sat my eight-year-old son down and broke the news to him. “I'm going to be away for a long time,” I told him. “I'm going to Iraq ”. “Why?” he asked, “Don't you know there's a war going on over
there”?

Paul Newman founded the Hole in the Wall Gang Camp for children stricken with cancer, AIDS, and blood diseases. One afternoon he and his wife, Joanne Woodward, stopped by to have lunch with the kids. A counselor at a nearby table, suspecting the young patients wouldn't know that Newman was a famous movie star, explained, “That's the man who made this camp possible. Maybe you've seen his picture on his salad dressing bottle”? Blank stares. “Well, you've probably seen his face on his lemonade carton”? An eight-year-old girl perked up. “How long was he missing”?



God's Problem Now.
His wife's grave side service was just barely finished, when there was a massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance. The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, “Well, she's there”.

BearMan18
06-20-2009, 11:38 AM
Okay... still compiling notes on my new football community.

Spider is the tough one
Popps is the pessimistic one that has great football ideas
And you are the one with a terrible sense of humor

Got it.

Archer81
06-20-2009, 11:40 AM
Okay... still compiling notes on my new football community.

Spider is the tough one
Popps is the pessimistic one that has great football ideas
And you are the one with a terrible sense of humor

Got it.


Lists are gay.


:Broncos:

BearMan18
06-20-2009, 11:45 AM
Lists are gay.


:Broncos:

Okay, you're the resident homophobe. Got it. :thumbsup:

Archer81
06-20-2009, 11:58 AM
Okay, you're the resident homophobe. Got it. :thumbsup:


Insightful.


:Broncos:

Sassy
06-20-2009, 12:06 PM
I thought this would be fun...
But yet again, the board has a weird sense of humor...yet how many stupid threads have been posted lately?

Orange_Beard
06-20-2009, 12:41 PM
We had about 5 days of marine layer, grey days in the low 70's,

Last Saturday it was a perfect day.....75, not a could in the sky...

My 6 year old walks out the front door, holds his hands up, and proclaims, "It is a ****ing perfect day"

He hit the nail on the head.

rugbythug
06-20-2009, 02:16 PM
Okay, you're the resident homophobe. Got it. :thumbsup:

LOL
Funniest thing in a long time!!-

Beantown Bronco
06-22-2009, 06:30 AM
Too many classics out of the kids to mention, but here are a few that jump out to me.

First one is from two years ago, when my daughter was 3. My wife asks her what she wants for lunch. She says beef teriyaki. My wife says that we don't have any beef teriyaki. Daughter replies, "that's bullsh*t, mama."

About a month or so ago, she's at the beach with the kids. My 3 year old son has a weird look on his face, so my wife asks him what's wrong. In front of a group of strangers, he yells at her: mama, I've got really sandy balls!

HILife
06-22-2009, 07:13 AM
Okay... still compiling notes on my new football community.

Spider is the tough one
Popps is the pessimistic one that has great football ideas
And you are the one with a terrible sense of humor

Got it.

I'm the resident Q&A. Kind of like

Why are you here?
and
How do we get rid of you?
:)

HILife
06-22-2009, 07:14 AM
I thought this would be fun...
But yet again, the board has a weird sense of humor...yet how many stupid threads have been posted lately?

Don't worry Sassy, It was hard, but I think I found something about them funny........

Spider
06-22-2009, 07:34 AM
Keep it up Dad , remember get to pick your retirement home ........ My Daughter last year ;D

Punisher
06-22-2009, 07:42 AM
"Daddy i'm hungry"

"Daddy can i get a dollar"

"daddY"

"DADDy"

"DADDY" "DADDY" "DADDY" "DADDY"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:tearhair: :hitself:

c_lazy_r
06-22-2009, 09:12 AM
Okay, you're the resident homophobe. Got it. :thumbsup:

Now THAT is classic...

:rofl:

crawdad
06-22-2009, 09:36 AM
I smiled at your quips, Sassy.

listopencil
06-22-2009, 09:37 AM
Insightful.


:Broncos:


Heh, good stuff.

footstepsfrom#27
06-22-2009, 10:07 AM
When Jill, my youngest daughter was about 3 we were standing in line at the grocery store behind a very large woman with huge legs. She looked at the woman and asked her, "How come your legs are so big?" Clearly embarassed, the woman tried to ignore her, so she repeated in a voice loud enough for everyone to hear, "Daddy, how come her legs are so big?"...several more times. Yikes!

At four she and I were going somewhere when this old man asked her what her name was. She look up and said, "My name is Jillian _____ and I'm an independent woman." :rofl: She is. :thumbs:

Some friends of ours had a toddler named Molly Rose and they're very proud of how well behaved their kids are. My wife and I were invited over for dinner along with two other couples who all went to school together. Halfway through dinner, the girl suddenly stood up in her chair an announced in a loud voice, "Mommy my vagina stinks!" Hilarious!

Mk69
06-22-2009, 11:18 AM
These are good. Here's a couple of mine.

When I was stationed in Japan, my daughter, who was around 3 at the time, was getting really fussy as we tried to get groceries. When we finally headed up front to check out there was a long line of Japanese civilian employees already in line. My daughter, who'd had enough of the shopping trip, saw the long line and yelled " I'm sick of all these stupid Japanese!". As they all turned to look I quickly turned the basket around & hid in the back of the store until they'd all left.

When my youngest son was about 2 or 3 my wife took him to the bathroom in the mall. The lady in the stall next to them ripped a huge fart & my son turns to my wife & says "What the hell!" loud enough for everyone in the room to hear. She had a hard time keeping from laughing out loud as she hurried him along to leave before that lady left her stall.

Popps
06-22-2009, 11:45 AM
When Jill, my youngest daughter was about 3 we were standing in line at the grocery store behind a very large woman with huge legs. She looked at the woman and asked her, "How come your legs are so big?" Clearly embarassed, the woman tried to ignore her, so she repeated in a voice loud enough for everyone to hear, "Daddy, how come her legs are so big?"...several more times. Yikes!


Hilarious!

Damn.

My daughter is right at about the age where she's yapping enough to pull some stuff like that. I know it's coming.

BABronco
06-22-2009, 11:49 AM
I teach swim lessons and lifeguard. I don't have any kids, I'm only 19. But I do have a story.

I taught this one girl for 2 years till she could do just about everything, including the butterfly. Imagine a 7 yr old doing the butterfly. Well class was over and all then it was open swim. So I get on deck and start lifeguarding. This one little kid wouldnt listen to me and was mouthing off alot. I finally got him to get out of the pool to talk to me and he was cussing like a sailor. He was maybe 6... then the girl who was in my class for 2 years comes up to him and pushes him really hard... he goes flying in the pool and as he surfaces she says "don't you talk to my coach that way"!

titan
06-22-2009, 08:23 PM
When our twins first started to talk I had to of course train them to be Bronco fans. When I asked "Who's the quarterback for the Broncos?" I taught them to yell "Elway!". I'd pick them up from daycare and while driving home I'd yell to the back seat, "Who's the quarterback of the Broncos?" "Elway!!" I'd hear two little voices shout out.

I thought I had them trained well until one day I asked, "Who's the quarterback of the Broncos?"

"Elmo!!" was the reply (they just started watching Sesame Street at day care)