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View Full Version : Time to reflect


oubronco
01-14-2009, 04:02 PM
Sometimes when I reflect on all the beer I drink, I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. I think, "It is better to drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
Babe Ruth
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An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.
Ernest Hemingway

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When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
Paul Hornung

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24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not.
H.L. Mencken

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When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!
George Bernard Shaw

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Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
Benjamin Franklin

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Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
Dave Barry
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BEER: HELPING UGLY PEOPLE HAVE SEX SINCE 3000 B.C.
W.C. Fields

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Remember "I" before "E", except in Budweiser.
Professor Irwin Corey
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To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a "support group." Salvation in a can!
Leo Durocher
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One night at Cheers, Cliff Clavin explained the "Buffalo Theory" to his buddy, Norm.
"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine ! That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers.
Cliff Clavin

Bronco Bob
01-14-2009, 05:30 PM
In Heaven there is no beer.
That's why we drink it here.
And when we're gone from here,
All our friends will be drinking all our beer.

Frank Yankovic

ghwk
01-14-2009, 05:34 PM
Cool an alcoholics thread! LOL

watermock
01-14-2009, 05:43 PM
A meal without wine is like a day without sunshine, except that on a day without sunshine you can still get drunk”...

oubronco
01-14-2009, 05:58 PM
Hell Yea

GoHAM
01-14-2009, 06:03 PM
I prefer to think that God is not dead, just drunk.

John Marcellus Huston

GoHAM
01-14-2009, 06:10 PM
We borrowed golf from Scotland, as we borrowed whiskey. Not because it is Scottish, but because it is good.

Horace Hutchinson

GoHAM
01-14-2009, 06:12 PM
A woman drove me to drink and I never even had the courtesy to thank her.

W.C. Fields

GoHAM
01-14-2009, 06:14 PM
Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss.

Robert Heinlein


I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.

Winston Churchill

NUB
01-14-2009, 06:17 PM
Serious lack of Winston Churchill,

I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.

Tombstone RJ
01-14-2009, 06:18 PM
I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.


























sorry, had to do it.

GoHAM
01-14-2009, 06:20 PM
I drink therefore I am.

W.C. Fields



I am not a heavy drinker. I can sometimes go for hours without touching a drop.

Noel Coward



I feel sorry for people who don't drink. They wake up in the morning and that's the best they are going to feel all day.

Frank Sinatra



Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat.

Alex Levine



It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.

George Burns

Play2win
01-14-2009, 06:33 PM
I don't Drink Anymore...






































... or LESS than I used to ;D

Los Broncos
01-14-2009, 09:07 PM
My grandfather worked for Budweiser for over 40 years.

Man, the beer he would drink down on a daily basis.

Rock Chalk
01-14-2009, 09:10 PM
Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking.
Dave Barry

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
Ernest Hemingway

Bacchus hath drowned more men than Neptune.
Dr. Thomas Fuller


And malt does more than Milton can
To justify God's ways to man.
A. E. Housman

The trouble with jogging is that the ice falls out of your glass.
Martin Mull

I envy people who drink. At least they have something to blame everything on.
Oscar Levant

Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
Oscar Wilde

I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake--which I also keep handy.
W. C. Fields

The intermediate stage between socialism and capitalism is alcoholism.
Norman Brenner

I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me.
Hunter S. Thompson

An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.
Dylan Thomas

Alcohol is a very necessary article... It makes life bearable to millions of people who could not endure their existence if they were quite sober. It enables Parliament to do things at eleven at night that no sane person would do at eleven in the morning.
George Bernard Shaw

To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.
Matt Groening

In 1969 I gave up women and alcohol - it was the worst 20 minutes of my life.
George Best

Dagmar
01-14-2009, 10:13 PM
http://farm1.static.flickr.com/243/462878789_426b3dac3d_o.png


1. If you owe someone money, always pay them back in a bar. Preferably during Happy Hour.

2. Always toast before doing a shot.

3. Whoever buys the shot gets the first chance to offer a toast.

4. Change your toast at least once a month.

5. Buying someone a drink is five times better than a handshake.

6. Buying a strange woman a drink is still cool. Buying all her drinks is dumb.

7. Never borrow more than one cigarette from the same person in one night.

8. When the bartender is slammed, resist the powerful urge to order a slightly-dirty,
very-dry, in-and-out, super-chilled half-and-half martini with a lemon twist. Limit
orders to beer, straight shots and two-part cocktails.

9. Get the bartender's attention with eye contact and a smile.

10. Do not make eye contact with the bartender if you do not want a drink.

11. Unacceptable things to say after doing a shot:
Great, now I'm going to get drunk.
I hate shots.
It's coming back up.

12. Never, ever tell a bartender he made your drink too strong.

13. If he makes it too weak, order a double next time. He'll get the message.

14. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she refuses, she does not like you.

15. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she accepts, she still might not like you.

16. If she buys you a drink, she likes you.

17. If someone offers to buy you a drink, do not upgrade your liquor preference.

18. Always have a corkscrew in your house.

19. If you don't have a corkscrew, push the cork down into the bottle with a pen.

20. Drink one girly drink in public, and you will forever be known as the guy who
drinks girly drinks.

21. Our parents were better drinkers than we are.

22. Never talk to someone in the restroom unless you're doing the same thing -
urinating, waiting in line or washing your hands.

23. Girls hang out, apply make-up, and have long talks in the bathroom.
Men do not.

24. After your sixth drink, do not look at yourself in the mirror. It will shake
your confidence.

25. It is only permissible to shout 'woo-hoo!' if you are doing a shot with four or
more people.

26. If there is a DJ, you can request a song only once per night. If he doesn't play it
within half an hour, don't approach him again. If he does play it, don't approach him again.

27. Learn how to make a rose out of a bar napkin. You'll be surprised how well it works.

28. If you can't afford to tip, you can't afford to drink in a bar. Go to the liquor store.

29. If you owe someone twenty dollars or less, you may pay them back in beer.

30. Never complain about the quality or brand of a free drink.

31. If you have been roommates with someone more than six months, you may drink all
their beer, even if it's hidden, as long as you leave them one.

32. You can have a shot of their hard liquor only if the cap has been cracked and the
bottle goes for less than $25.

33. The only thing that tastes better than free liquor is stolen liquor.

34. If you bring Old Milwaukee to a party, you must drink at least 2 cans before you
start drinking the imported beer in the fridge.

35. Learn to appreciate hangovers. If it was all good times every jackass would
be doing it.

36. If you ever feel depressed, get out a bartender's guide and browse thru
all the drinks you've never tried.

37. Try one new drink each week.

38. If you're the bar's sole customer, you are obliged to make small talk with the
bartender until he stops acknowledging you. Then you're off the hook.
The same goes for him.

39. Never tip with coins that have touched you. If your change is $1.50, you can tell
the barmaid to keep the change, but, once she has handed it to you, you cannot give it back.
To a bartender or cocktail waitress, small change has no value.

40. If you have ever told a bartender, "Hey, it all spends the same," then you are
a cheap ass.
41. Anyone on stage or behind a bar is fifty percent better looking.

42. You can tell how hard a drinker someone is by how close they keep their drink
to their mouth.


43. A bar is a college, not a nursery. If you spill a beer, clean it up. If you break
a glass, wait for a staff member to clean it up, then blame it on someone else.

44. Being drunk is feeling sophisticated without being able to say it.

45. It's okay to drink alone.

46. After three drinks, you will forget a woman's name two seconds after she
tells you. The rest of the night you will call her "baby" or "darling".

47. Nothing screams 'Gay' louder than swirling an oversized brandy snifter.

48. Men don't drink from straws. Unless you're doing a Mind or Face Eraser.

49. If you do a shot, finish it. If you don't plan to finish it, don't accept it.

50. Never brood in a dance bar. Never dance in a dive bar.

51. Never play more than three songs by the same artist in a row.

52. Your songs will come on as you're leaving the bar.

53. Never yell out jukebox selections to someone you don't know.

54. Never lie in a bar. You may, however, grossly exaggerate and lean.

55. If you think you might be slurring a little, then you are slurring a lot. If you
think you are slurring a lot, then you are not speaking English.

56. Screaming, "Someone buy me a drink!" has never worked.

57. For every drink, there is a five percent better chance you will get in a fight.
There is also a three percent better chance you will lose the fight.

58. Fighting an extremely drunk person when you are sober is hilarious.

59. If you're broke and a friend is "sporting you", you must laugh at all his jokes
and play wingman when he makes his move.

60. If you're broke and a friend is "ragging on you", you may steal any drink he
leaves unattended.

61. Never rest your head on a table or bar top. It is the equivalent of voluntarily
putting your head on a chopping block.

62. If you are trading rounds with a friend and he asks if you're ready for another,
always say "Yes". Once you fall out of sync you will end up buying
more drinks than him.

63. If you're going to hit on a member of the bar staff, make sure you tip well
before and after, regardless of her response.

64. The people with the most money are rarely the best tippers.

65. Before you die, single-handedly make one decent martini.

66. Asking a bartender what beers are on tap when the handles are right in front
of you is the equivalent of saying, "I'm an idiot."

67. Never ask a bartender "What's good tonight?" They do not fly in the scotch
fresh from the coast every morning.

68. If there is a line for drinks, get your damn drink and step the hell away from the bar.

69. If there is ever any confusion, the fuller beer is yours.

70. The patrons at your local bar are your extended family, your father, hers, your
brothers and sisters. Except you get to sleep with these sisters. And if you're really
drunk, the mothers.

71. It's acceptable, traditional, in fact, to disappear during a night of hard drinking.
You will appear mysterious, and your friends will understand. If they even notice.

72. Never argue your tab at the end of the night. Remember, you're hammered, and they're
sober. It's akin to a precocious five-year-old arguing the super-string theory with a
physicist. 99.9% of the time you're wrong and, either way, you're going to come off
as a jackass.

73. If you bring booze to a party, you must drink it or leave it.

74. If you hesitate more than three seconds after the bartender looks at you, you do not
deserve a drink.

75. Beer makes you mellow, champagne makes you silly, wine makes you dramatic, tequila
makes you felonious.

76. The greatest thing a drunkard can do is buy a round of drinks for a packed bar.

77. Never preface a conversation with a bartender with "I know this is going to
be a hassle, but . . ."

78. When you're in a bar and drunk, your boss is just another guy begging for a
fat lip. Unless he's buying.

79. If you are 86'd, do not return for at least three months. To come back sooner makes it
appear no other bar wants you.

80. Anyone with three or more drinks in his hands has the right of way.

81. If you're going to drink on the job, drink vodka. It's the no-tell liquor.

82. There's nothing wrong with drinking before noon. Especially if you're supposed to be
at work.

83. The bar clock moves twice as fast from midnight to last call.

84. A flask engraved with a personal message is one of the best gifts you can ever give.
And make sure there's something in it.

85. On the intimacy scale, sharing a quiet drink is between a handshake and a kiss.

86. You will forget everyone of of these rules by your fifth drink.

SBboundBroncos
01-14-2009, 10:31 PM
haha i just sat down and read everyone of those rules

Houshyamama
01-14-2009, 10:35 PM
When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!
George Bernard Shaw

That's my toast. Except when you get really really drunk it's hard to remember the order :spit: