Hogan11
10-17-2008, 03:27 PM
Read....Reflect....you know:
October 10, 2008
New Rule: John McCain has to stop saying, "I know how to get Osama bin Laden." Well, if you do, then tell us now Mr. Country First. Does it involve laser beams on sharks? Is it something you read in a Hardy Boys book? Are you going to track him like Rambo? Call in the coordinates and then have Palin shoot him from a helicopter?
New Rule: CNN has to get rid of that stupid voter reaction graph. At least while McCain is talking. Every time I look at the screen, I think, "Omigod, he's dead." And speaking of TV screens that are too busy...
New Rule: Stop throwing stuff on my football field. Because I think we all know where this is headed. [Burger King logo superimposed on split screen of football game]
New Rule: Bird watchers have to wear uniforms, so I don't mistake them for perverts trying to peep in my window. Look, I'm sorry I chased you down the street, naked and screaming. I thought you were TMZ. Can't we let bygones be bygones and agree to drop the charges? Look on the bright side, for a bunch of octogenarian, you ladies sure can run!
New Rule: Jay Leno must sue Katie Couric. Last week Katie Couric got big laughs by asking some ignorant dumbass basic questions about current events. I'm sorry, but that's a Leno bit called, "Jay Walking." And he's been doing it for years.
And by the way, Katie, Jay uses real people, not that actress you obviously hired. I mean, nobody in real life is that clueless.
And finally, New Rule: If you take the debating part out of a debate, it's not a debate. Maybe it's me, but I can't take one more "debate," where "undecided" voters ask, "Do you favor giving us stuff?" To which the candidate responds, "That's a great question, Sling Blade." And then launches straight into his stump speech. I've seen tougher questions asked of Ron Popeil.
In the V.P. debate, Sarah Palin even announced that she wasn't going to answer the questions, and would just say whatever the hell she wanted! Yes, we have a format for that - it's called "a speech." This is like a Peyton Manning stepped on the field Sunday and said, "You know what? Today I think I'm going to play soccer."
You know, folks, we live in a deeply divided country. Despite all of Obama's soaring oratory about, "no red states, or blue states, but the United States," the truth is, we hate each other's guts. And the debates should reflect that reality. We should get rid of those undecided numbskulls and opening the question to the most hard-core, angry partisans we can find, and let them drill away at the guy they hate!
And here at "Real Time," we did just that. Here are some of the questions we asked - people asked of us - of the candidates.
Patricia Martin of Baltimore asked - she is a McCain supporter. She asked Obama: "Senator, when you were on your annual pilgrimage to Mecca, will Joe Biden serve as acting president? Or will you be able to maintain your constitutional duties while waging jihad? Lupe Altaveros of Yuma, Arizona, an Obama supporter, asked Senator McCain: Senator, this year The New York Times printed a front page story, alleging you had a recent affair with a blonde lobbyist lady. But the story disappeared because the lady disappeared. And I'd like to know how you killed her. Did you bury her under one of your 13 houses? Or stuff her in the trunk of one of your 11 cars?
Jim Bob Billy Bob of Clearfield, Pennsylvania, a McCain supporter, asks: Senator Obama, why are you so black?
Tony B. from Brooklyn, an Obama supporter, asks: Senator McCain, you drag your adorable 96-year-old mother around with you, to show us that in McCain years, you're still a teenager. Which would explain your behavior.
But did being 72 give you pause when you chose Governor Palin? And a follow-up question: Sarah Palin, are you f*cking kidding me? A Mr. Ice Cold Ghost Killa... from Compton, California, who is a McCain supporter - that's a surprise! And his question to Obama is: Senator Obama, that old white man and his b*tch... keep lying about you, and you never call them out on it. Does your wife keep your balls in your purse? Or does she have them in a box at home?
And Gordie Levinson, an Obama supporter from Seattle, asked Senator McCain: Senator, you preface every remark with, "My friends." If I am truly your friend, can I crash at one of your houses for a while, because I just lost mine to a bank that imploded. Thanks for the regulation, numb-nuts!
October 10, 2008
New Rule: John McCain has to stop saying, "I know how to get Osama bin Laden." Well, if you do, then tell us now Mr. Country First. Does it involve laser beams on sharks? Is it something you read in a Hardy Boys book? Are you going to track him like Rambo? Call in the coordinates and then have Palin shoot him from a helicopter?
New Rule: CNN has to get rid of that stupid voter reaction graph. At least while McCain is talking. Every time I look at the screen, I think, "Omigod, he's dead." And speaking of TV screens that are too busy...
New Rule: Stop throwing stuff on my football field. Because I think we all know where this is headed. [Burger King logo superimposed on split screen of football game]
New Rule: Bird watchers have to wear uniforms, so I don't mistake them for perverts trying to peep in my window. Look, I'm sorry I chased you down the street, naked and screaming. I thought you were TMZ. Can't we let bygones be bygones and agree to drop the charges? Look on the bright side, for a bunch of octogenarian, you ladies sure can run!
New Rule: Jay Leno must sue Katie Couric. Last week Katie Couric got big laughs by asking some ignorant dumbass basic questions about current events. I'm sorry, but that's a Leno bit called, "Jay Walking." And he's been doing it for years.
And by the way, Katie, Jay uses real people, not that actress you obviously hired. I mean, nobody in real life is that clueless.
And finally, New Rule: If you take the debating part out of a debate, it's not a debate. Maybe it's me, but I can't take one more "debate," where "undecided" voters ask, "Do you favor giving us stuff?" To which the candidate responds, "That's a great question, Sling Blade." And then launches straight into his stump speech. I've seen tougher questions asked of Ron Popeil.
In the V.P. debate, Sarah Palin even announced that she wasn't going to answer the questions, and would just say whatever the hell she wanted! Yes, we have a format for that - it's called "a speech." This is like a Peyton Manning stepped on the field Sunday and said, "You know what? Today I think I'm going to play soccer."
You know, folks, we live in a deeply divided country. Despite all of Obama's soaring oratory about, "no red states, or blue states, but the United States," the truth is, we hate each other's guts. And the debates should reflect that reality. We should get rid of those undecided numbskulls and opening the question to the most hard-core, angry partisans we can find, and let them drill away at the guy they hate!
And here at "Real Time," we did just that. Here are some of the questions we asked - people asked of us - of the candidates.
Patricia Martin of Baltimore asked - she is a McCain supporter. She asked Obama: "Senator, when you were on your annual pilgrimage to Mecca, will Joe Biden serve as acting president? Or will you be able to maintain your constitutional duties while waging jihad? Lupe Altaveros of Yuma, Arizona, an Obama supporter, asked Senator McCain: Senator, this year The New York Times printed a front page story, alleging you had a recent affair with a blonde lobbyist lady. But the story disappeared because the lady disappeared. And I'd like to know how you killed her. Did you bury her under one of your 13 houses? Or stuff her in the trunk of one of your 11 cars?
Jim Bob Billy Bob of Clearfield, Pennsylvania, a McCain supporter, asks: Senator Obama, why are you so black?
Tony B. from Brooklyn, an Obama supporter, asks: Senator McCain, you drag your adorable 96-year-old mother around with you, to show us that in McCain years, you're still a teenager. Which would explain your behavior.
But did being 72 give you pause when you chose Governor Palin? And a follow-up question: Sarah Palin, are you f*cking kidding me? A Mr. Ice Cold Ghost Killa... from Compton, California, who is a McCain supporter - that's a surprise! And his question to Obama is: Senator Obama, that old white man and his b*tch... keep lying about you, and you never call them out on it. Does your wife keep your balls in your purse? Or does she have them in a box at home?
And Gordie Levinson, an Obama supporter from Seattle, asked Senator McCain: Senator, you preface every remark with, "My friends." If I am truly your friend, can I crash at one of your houses for a while, because I just lost mine to a bank that imploded. Thanks for the regulation, numb-nuts!