(TJ WINS!!!) Last one to post on this thread wins ........

[ChampBailey24]

hot rod just give up ur trying will end up in an utter defeat!

[Spider]

Everyone knows I will win this ;D

[ChampBailey24]

sry spidey everyone knows i rule this board!

[watermock]

http://www.orangemane.com/BB/attachment.php?s=&postid=162107

[Spider]

;D

[Hotrod]

But the gobber Robb said it is written:

Hotrod will rise to the occassion with a passion not seen sense the days of loin cloths. He hast the power to post like an ark on the open waters that bobs and weaves. In the last moments it is written he will post with a fire in his eyes as he crosses the finish line a winner.

[ChampBailey24]

i am the winner and no one can stop me!:-[

[ChampBailey24]

Was going to want to former
See saying very good movie and-file a job so the new York 1006 andmove on, just one-man from the hotel in a long before packets of the I knew it wouldn’t even know about
In her mind-line: one of those
Well.
For the U.N. User that won’t happen when a woman going to win the lead me in the period and twenty U.N. users and _ a million beyond the with the U.N.) debatethat will eliminate to an end to be a real though no one who has made sense in say it to you in the area. I’m reading the book was moved toward warm over season CC. From "the closure of the you’re on the move will serve one made from those rules were very I knew the new know about the by the one who will be one of the Republic of the movie with the using one of the year with no –and-development zone and –white (K.) plan and my>hi-evaluate museum one man and a new family of the following: we’re all out the window while the line on. The one you and development doing within the the wholeway we’re all out the window long live the hope that you gave and go on with life when it the way the mobile climbing the book cuisine 41 oversees the CC all from the owns her own your own l

[Hotrod]

WTF was that all about?

[ChampBailey24]

your mom!

[Hotrod]

Um I think you've posted yourself into delusion

[Spider]

;D

[Spider]

I cant belive it , I was outside in shorts , no shoes tee shirt Talking to a friend 12 degrees outside wind chill of -2 ........

[Hotrod]

zowie!

[ROYC75]

Originally posted by §Pide®
I cant belive it , I was outside in shorts , no shoes tee shirt Talking to a friend 12 degrees outside wind chill of -2 ........

But for how long ?

[Spider]

Originally posted by ROYC75


But for how long ?
About 15 Mins give or take a couple .......... I thought it was around 25 Degrees ..........

[Hotrod]

I would suggest laying off the Jack so early in the day

I am winning

[watermock]

For the U.N. User that won’t happen when a woman going to win the lead me in the period and twenty U.N. users and _ a million beyond the with the U.N.) debatethat will eliminate to an end to be a real though no one who has made sense in say it to you in the area. I’m reading the book was moved toward warm over season CC. From "the closure of the you’re on the move will serve one made from those rules were very I knew the new know about the by the one who will be one of the Republic of the movie with the using one of the year with no –and-development zone and –white (K.) plan and my>hi-evaluate museum one man and a new family of the following: we’re all out the window while the line on. The one you and development doing within the the wholeway we’re all out the window long live the hope that you gave and go on with life when it the way the mobile climbing the book cuisine 41 oversees the CC all from the owns her own your own l

Chew on that awhile.

He wins.

[Spider]

Originally posted by hotrod
I would suggest laying off the Jack so early in the day

I am winning
LMAO I love living the real Frozen tudra ............. Wyoming in the winter can be one of the best winter wonderland ever .....

[Spider]

;D

[Spider]

Pictures of my Front yard yesterday

[Hotrod]

Hmm no thanks. Ive got to go hunting this weekend and so far no snow.

[watermock]

I am being reminded why I left this god forsaken ground again.

There was frost on my window, and I keep a small little fan to keep my cig smoke out.

It's freaking early November and my windows are frosting over?

I am going to Santa Fe. or somewhere in the Desert. At least when you die they don't have to bust open permafrost to bury you.

[Spider]

Originally posted by hotrod
Hmm no thanks. Ive got to go hunting this weekend and so far no snow.
LMAO we had 3 Idiots go hunting here last week needed rescuded ............. Important safty tip when it is snowing hard enough to cover your tracks with in 10 Minutes dont wonder far from camp ............... goofballs

[Spider]

Originally posted by watermock
I am being reminded why I left this god forsaken ground again.

There was frost on my window, and I keep a small little fan to keep my cig smoke out.

It's freaking early November and my windows are frosting over?

I am going to Santa Fe. or somewhere in the Desert. At least when you die they don't have to bust open permafrost to bury you.
lol Mock .......

[Hotrod]

I am more of the fair weather hunter myself. If its snowing at all I stay close to the stove with cold beer!

[Spider]

Originally posted by hotrod
I am more of the fair weather hunter myself. If its snowing at all I stay close to the stove with cold beer!
I used to hunt , not anymore although a buddy of mine is trying to talk me into Bow Hunting .............

[watermock]

I remember when they buried my granny.

It was 70 degrees below zero wind chill.

I had to open the door for everyone because the handle would freeze to your hand.

She could of been more considerate and waited till spring to die.

Anyway, so we go to the damn burial, and the backhoe is still trying to get thru the frozen ground.

So we all sit around waiting for this rediculous event, and they finish. So the Pastor gets out there and he isn't even clothed properly, the wind is blowing.

Mock gets out and breaks the wind for the Pastor who was literally freezing to death. I literally took my coat and broke the wind because he was literally shivering and wasn't dressed properly.

Man, you talk about hell freezing over.

It sure did that day.

BTW, my cousins husband was the mortician, he gave us a break, it only cost 6500 dollars

[Hotrod]

Bow hunting sucks I did it one year. Too much work although I usually go black powerder.

PS Im winning

[Spider]

Originally posted by watermock
I remember when they buried my granny.

It was 70 degrees below zero wind chill.

I had to open the door for everyone because the handle would freeze to your hand.

She could of been more considerate and waited till spring to die.

Anyway, so we go to the damn burial, and the backhoe is still trying to get thru the frozen ground.

So we all sit around waiting for this rediculous event, and they finish. So the Pastor gets out there and he isn't even clothed properly, the wind is blowing.

Mock gets out and breaks the wind for the Pastor who was literally freezing to death. I literally took my coat and broke the wind because he was literally shivering and wasn't dressed properly.

Man, you talk about hell freezing over.

It sure did that day.
Pastor in carharts ;D

[Spider]

Originally posted by hotrod
Bow hunting sucks I did it one year. Too much work although I usually go black powerder.

PS Im winning
we have them Blackpowder guys here , they do alot of things @ Beartrap meadows on Casper mountian

[Hotrod]

We have a club here but Im not to involved. Just 10 days a year during hunting the rest of the time the gun sits and waits.

PS Im winning
PSS Is mock trying to win now?

[watermock]

I am still amused how your supposed to get on your best suit and be paraded around on the "visitation" when you croak.

How humuliating!

They dress your dead, stiff body up, paste your face like a whore and pump you full of antifreeze.

Then they terrorize your neices and nephews.

I don't know what the hell the idea is whatsoever. It's the ultimate humiliation.

"Here is your uncle in that Suit he hated, he is wearing makeup, and we pumped him full of anti-freeze. Doesn't he look peacefull?"

[watermock]

Meanwhile, someone is picking at that ring on your finger.

[Spider]

LMAO I have a sled dog , that doesnt like the cold .Some huskey huh ;D

[Hotrod]

On a day like that the antifreeze came in handy.

I myself would prefer 2 double lined glad bags and somebody just take me out with the rest of the garbage.

Dont think I will care at that point anyway. Take the $ you save from the over priced funeral and throw a party.

[watermock]

Well, Dogs are smart.

That's why sled dogs need whips. Only idiot humans go out in bad weather.

[Hotrod]

Originally posted by §Pide®
LMAO I have a sled dog , that doesnt like the cold .Some huskey huh ;D

LMAO...A CA sled dog...LMAO

[watermock]

Beezlebub my kitten is curled up, he doesn't seem to mind the civilized life. Ha!

[Spider]

;D

[Spider]

LMAO she is a baby , red and white with the 2 Blue eyes ......

[Hotrod]

I win

[Spider]

Nope

[Hotrod]

Damn I thought you might have left and was going to sneak into the lead.

Oh wait I am in the lead.

[Spider]

;D

[Hotrod]

I guess SJ had to actully work today.

[Spider]

Originally posted by hotrod
I guess SJ had to actully work today.
Sucks to be him ;D

[Hotrod]

Im going to have to break down and do alittle myself

[Spider]

I win

[Hotrod]

Im not working yet.

Give me the trophy

[Spider]

Nope

[Hotrod]

Its mine I saw (what ever it is) first.

[Spider]

Nice try

[Hotrod]

Mommy Spider wont let me have the thing and I had it first.

[Spider]

LOL

[ROYC75]

Damn, who has dandruf that bad ?;D

I'm glad business has picked up this week......it has been slow as all get out since I came back from KC..... Hmmm the Denver game !

Did one of you clowns put a hex on my income for punishment ?;)

[Sassy]

Are you BOYS having fun yet! LOL!

[Hotrod]

Im in this for the long haul.

[Spider]

Long Haul is my Middle name

[Hotrod]

Ah the bye week

[Spider]

time to rest up getsome guys healthy ............

[Hotrod]

Hey spider did you hear the one about the guys who wasted two days of their lives on a message board posting on a thread about nothing?

[Spider]

Originally posted by hotrod
Hey spider did you hear the one about the guys who wasted two days of their lives on a message board posting on a thread about nothing?
Sure havent how does it go ? ;D

[PatsWin2002]

Just got this in an email:

Free Puppy

Hey, I need a favor. My neighbor has a puppy he's giving away (FREE!!!). It's a dachsund, it's house broken, and it's great with kids. He's only giving it away because his wife says the dog 'stares' at her, and it gives her the 'Heebie Jeebies'. If you're interested, or know someone who is, let me know. I am attaching a picture of the dog.

[Pezman]

Yikes You win...

Or do I? I never know

[Hotrod]

Nice mutt.

Im pulling away from the pack.

[Mile High Shack]

I can't believe you guys are posting on a thread this stupid....


oh wait I just did :bandwagon:

[Hotrod]

Are you saying Im to competative?

Maybe but Im back in the lead

[ChampBailey24]

not anymore i am in the lead!

[Darkhawk24]

Only 29 pages!?!?! Weak!!!

[Spider]

LMAO ..........

[Mile High Shack]

seriously guys get a life, I can't believe your posting on this

:laugh:

[Spider]

Originally posted by Mile High Shack
seriously guys get a life, I can't believe your posting on this

:laugh:
;D

[KHinz57]

No thread would be complete without me! :D

[Darkhawk24]

noway we let Hinz win

[Spider]

Nope ...............

[broncolife]

Still going

[Hotrod]

Oh hinz, hes a competer but he cant last .. has no finish power. Hope his chefs do ;)

[Hotrod]

Originally posted by Mile High Shack
seriously guys get a life, I can't believe your posting on this

:laugh:

Well it looks like I might win its been quiet in here for awhile. Does winning this make the the head loser?;D

[Blueflame]

Heh... this thread makes for some very entertaining reading.... Ha!

[Mile High Shack]

nice try Blue....

no way a giiirrrrrrllllll wins this;D

[Blueflame]

Originally posted by Mile High Shack
nice try Blue....

no way a giiirrrrrrllllll wins this;D

LOL :egbgb: :cheers:

[stinger]

Originally posted by Darkhawk24
Only 29 pages!?!?! Weak!!!

[Hotrod]

This silly thread is going to make me a hall of fame poster...thats sad I really have to find a life. ;D

But look at the bright side I'm winning again.

[PatsWin2002]

Click!

<a href="http://www.slinkycity.com/audio/sheep.wav">http://www.ag.ohio-state.edu/~ansci/facilities/images/sheep.jpg</a>

[ROYC75]

Originally posted by Blueflame
Heh... this thread makes for some very entertaining reading.... Ha!

It's been good for a few laughs ! Great idea, huh ?;D

[ROYC75]

OK, what's up with the sheep cry'n ?



Some people will do anything for a few kicks !::)

[baja]

up

[Hotrod]

No Royc75 you cant be in the lead. There that is better

[baja]

wow the Broncos must be 5 and 4

[PatsWin2002]

This is fun.........I think.

<bgsound src="http://www.wilstar.net/midi/kcfags.wav">

[ROYC75]

Ok, how in the hell do you do this....... I gotta know !

Somebody help me !

[PatsWin2002]

Originally posted by ROYC75
Ok, how in the hell do you do this....... I gotta know !

Somebody help me !

Ancient Chinese secret..........

[ROYC75]

Originally posted by PatsWin2002


Ancient Chinese secret..........

Just want to know where you get these and how you attach them to a thread so when it opens, you hear it .

But if ya don't want to tell..... I understand, insecure, hey !

[broncolife]

Why am I hearing a audio about jumping around like a couple of Kansis City ******s? I didnt know you could do that. Whos the one that did it?

[broncolife]

Kansas

[PatsWin2002]

Originally posted by broncolife
Why am I hearing a audio about jumping around like a couple of Kansis City ******s? I didnt know you could do that. Whos the one that did it?

I'm the semi-crafty.....um, guilty party.

The sound clip is from Blazing Saddles!

It's perfect.
;D

[Spider]

LMMFAO ........ Jumping around like a Bunch of Fansas city ******s ..........Mel Brooks was a genius

[Hotrod]

what was that?

[broncolife]

Originally posted by PatsWin2002



It's perfect.
;D

Yep

[BroncoMatt]

;D

[Hotrod]

A wise man once said "to be rich is great but to post about nothing is greatester"

[broncolife]

Aw, I missed being the 600 post on this thread.

[Bo]

I'm back to win.......LMFAO 31 pages........::)

[Hotrod]

Anybody know what the record for longest thread is?

[Bo]

Not me.....

[broncolife]

At this pace we should hit a 1000 by tomorrow.

[Hotrod]

Its beer thirty you'll keep posting I will be back tonight drunk or tomarrow and win this thing once and for all

[Bo]

LMFAO!!

[Sassy]

THE EGIBGB ROCKS!!! Yes way the gals can win this!

[ROYC75]

This is the kinda of things you do on bye weeks and off season........

Anything to get a laugh or 2 in.........

I was wondering too, what your all time post were on 1 thread......I'm sure it can be looked up.........

BTW........ I'm back in the saddle again!

[ChampBailey24]

um actually i am royster!

[ROYC75]

uh, were !

Folks, meet your new leader of this thread.

All donations can be left at the door as you leave !;D

[Bo]

Huh looks like I'm leading.....

[broncolife]

Please, dont ruin my amazing comeback

[Bo]

OK.........;D

[watermock]

http://www.orangemane.com/BB/attachment.php?s=&postid=162299

Looks like Tony Dungy has been a bad bad dog.

[Bo]

LMFAO!!!

[Bo]

Still leading?......Hot Damn!!

[Sassy]

Ya think???


;) ;D

[Bo]

yep

[Rock Chalk]

I avoided this thread for whatever amount of time it has been up only because I assumed (by the nature of its originator) that it was full of **** and more ****. Shame on me for assuming, this is a pretty funny thread.

Did I win?

[Sassy]

Nope, Alec. You didn't. ;D

[Bo]

:(

[ROYC75]

Originally posted by AlecRaenos
I avoided this thread for whatever amount of time it has been up only because I assumed (by the nature of its originator) that it was full of **** and more ****. Shame on me for assuming, this is a pretty funny thread.

Did I win?

Good Lord, Did you read all of this before you posted ? Bout time you came alive !

Sad part, Many of us have read all of them up to date.:o

Enjoy the fun....... That pic of the Dungy Dog.......LMAO

[Bo]

.

[ROYC75]

Night all.....see ya tomorrow !

[Bo]

..........

[Sassy]

What, No Comment, BO???

[Pezman]

Hey sassy...

men rock!

That is why I WIN! Woohoo

[Blueflame]

Originally posted by hotrod
Anybody know what the record for longest thread is?


Originally posted by ROYC75
This is the kinda of things you do on bye weeks and off season........

Anything to get a laugh or 2 in.........

I was wondering too, what your all time post were on 1 thread......I'm sure it can be looked up.........

BTW........ I'm back in the saddle again!


On the current board, the most posts are on the Neck Pony thread... but in the early days of the OM, "Girl Talk" had by far the most posts on the board. ;D :egbgb:

[watermock]

Men have Balls. Women are pussies. Well, except for rosie, he has balls and isn't a pussy, she is some sort of genetic freak like Oprah and....man I have blanked out....that horrible woman....help me. Rosanne Arnold. I literally had blocked her out of my collective. Heh.

[watermock]

Roseanne Barr will undergo surgery next week, forcing a delay in the production of her upcoming ABC Family series "Domestic Goddess."

Doctors informed Barr, 50, earlier this week that she needed to undergo a hysterectomy, which is scheduled for Wednesday, according to Barr's assistant, Becky Pentland.

Production on ABC Family's 13-episode order of "Goddess" was under way, but staffers were told that the show would be on hiatus until further notice. An ABC Family spokeswoman said it was unclear if the show would be ready in time to meet the scheduled September 20 premiere date.

The development of "Goddess" also has been the subject of a documentary-style series now running on ABC, "The Real Roseanne Show," which has already completed production.

uncleel



Usher


USA
451 Posts
Posted - 08/15/2003 : 9:28:27 PM
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

@ least she won't be able to breed!

[broncolife]

I will designate myself the winner in 10 seconds, unless somebody interupts me. ;D He,he,he.Of course I will be the only one who recognizes myself as the winner. :(

[broncolife]

10

[broncolife]

9

[broncolife]

8

[PatsWin2002]

No dice!


<bgsound="http://www.wilstar.net/midi/whipout.wav">

[broncolife]

7

[broncolife]

Dang it. Stinken 30 second wait between post.

[PatsWin2002]

Damn, I'm good.

And pretty drunk too.......

[broncolife]

Man, I had my victory speech all written out and ready to go.

[PatsWin2002]

Cleavon Little
<bgsound src = "http://www.wilstar.net/midi/whipout.wav">

[watermock]

I win, this should scare even the bravest of souls:
http://www.lookalike.com/talentbooking/lookalikes/images/rosannebarr.jpg

[Bo]

lmao

[ChampBailey24]

i am winning once again!

[watermock]

If Rossanne doesn't do it, try this:

http://espn.go.com/i/media/pg2/030919dolphins1.jpg

I win!

[Sassy]

Its too early Mock, go back to bed!

[Bo]

As Fat Albert says........Hey hey heeeeeyyyyyy......;D

[ChampBailey24]

i win again! i win again!

[football idiot]

ME

[ROYC75]

Good Morning you bunch of losers !;D

[Darkhawk24]

the thread that never dies

[Spider]

LMMFAO ............

[Sassy]

Good Morning All! :D

[ROYC75]

Originally posted by Darkhawk24
the thread that never dies

Glad to see that your efforts are helping !:D

[Spider]

Mornin , today is payday ...........

[Hotrod]

Im back and winning again. Damn its good to be a winner. ;D

[Hotrod]

Originally posted by Blueflame






On the current board, the most posts are on the Neck Pony thread... but in the early days of the OM, &quot;Girl Talk&quot; had by far the most posts on the board. ;D :egbgb:

Who would have figured it "girl talk" going on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on. ;)

[Spider]

Brutal :D

[Hotrod]

It Friday and hunting season starts tomarrow. I would like to take a minute to thank tagliaboohoo for scheuduling my beloved Broncos a weekend off during my season. It could not have worked out better except its starting to snow.

[Spider]

this thread could have been called the random thought thread also

[Hotrod]

I have a thought no wait I'll have one after some coffee :(

[Spider]

Coffee .... after Drinking 5,000 mile coffee for years .I am so glad I gave that stuff up

[Hotrod]

A consistant diet of coffee and beer will keep the doctor away. ;D

[ROYC75]

The Nine Important Men In A Woman's Life!

1. THE DOCTOR:
because he says, "Take your clothes off."

2. THE DENTIST:
because he says, "Open wide."

3. THE HAIRDRESSER:
because he says,"Do you want it teased or blown?".

4. THE MILKMAN:
because he says, "Do you want it in the front or the
back?"

5. THE INTERIOR DECORATOR:
because he says, "Once it's in, you'll love it!"

6. THE STOCK BROKER:
because he says, "It will rise right up, fluctuate for
a while, and then slowly fall back again."

7. THE BANKER:
because he says, "If you take it out too soon, you'll
lose interest.

8. THE HUNTER:
because he goes deep in the bush, shoots twice, and
always eats what he shoots. YEAH BABY!!!!

9. THE TELEPHONE GUY:
because he says, "Would you like it on the table or up
against the wall?

Do I win ?

[Spider]

Nope ;D

[Hotrod]

You either

[ROYC75]

At 3 am a desk clerk at a hotel gets a call from
a drunk guy asking what time the bar opens.
"It opens at noon," answers the clerk.

About an hour later he gets a call from the same
guy, sounding even drunker. "What time does
the bar open?" he asks.

"Same time as before... Noon," replies the clerk.

Another hour passes and he calls again, plastered.
"Whatjoo shay the bar opins at?"

The clerk then answers, "It opens at noon, but
if you can't wait, I can have room service send
something up to you."

"No... I don't wanna git in... Ah wanna git OUT!!!"

[Spider]

oops

[ROYC75]

Aoccdrnig to rscheearch codnutced at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it
deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are tpyed, the
olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit
oedrer. The rset can be a total mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit
porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter
by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh?

Now do I win ?

[Spider]

No but I read that same report

[ROYC75]

Fidel Castro dies and goes to heaven [bear with us]. When he gets there, St. Peter tells him that he is not on the list and that, no way, no how, does he belong in heaven. Castro must go to hell. So Castro goes to hell, where Satan gives him a hearty welcome and tells him to make himself at home.

"Then Castro notices that he left his luggage in heaven and tells Satan, who says, 'No hay problema, I'll send a couple of little devils to get your stuff.'

When the little devils get to heaven they find the gates are locked — St. Peter is having lunch — and they start debating what to do. Finally, one comes up with the idea that they should climb over the wall and get the luggage.

As they are climbing, two little angels see them, and one angel says to the other, 'Would you look at that? Fidel has been in hell no more than ten minutes and we're already getting refugees!'

[Hotrod]

Well if you have to be locked up somewhere the bar is as good a place as any.

I really should win just because Im so damn good looking

[watermock]

It's a wonder of the mind.

It's why you can watch movies that are really a series of pictures that should drive you insane.

Your mnid puts them in odre.

This si aslo dmensr8yted by impressionsist art.

[ROYC75]

You are going to love this one ........

Great Lovers

The Italian says, "When I've a finished a makina da love with ah my wife, I go down and gently tickle the back of her knees, she floats 6 inches above a da bed in ecstacy."

The Frenchman replies, "Zat is noting, when Ah've finished making zelove with ze wife, Ah kiss all ze way down her body and zen Ah lick za soles of her feet wiz mah tongue and she floats 12 inches above ze bed in pure ecstasy."

The redneck says, "That ain't nothing buddy. When I've finished Porkin the ole lady, I git out of bed, walk over to the winder and wipe my weener on the curtains. She hits the freakin ceiling.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[Hotrod]

LMAO

[Spider]

gotta love us rednecks

[ROYC75]

Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was
doing, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Nancy?"

"My goldfish died," replied Nancy tearfully, without looking up, "and
I've just buried him."

The neighbor was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"

Nancy patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "That's because
he's inside your f@cking cat."

[Spider]

4 play = Brace your self momma the Pigskin bus in pulling into tuna town

[ROYC75]

Toward the end of the golf course, Harry somehow managed to hit his ball into the woods finding it in a patch of pretty yellow buttercups. Trying to get his ball back in play, he ended up thrashing just about every buttercup in the patch. All of a sudden, POOF!, in a flash and puff of smoke, a little old woman appeared. She said, "I'm Mother Nature! Do you know how long it took me to make those buttercups? Just for that, you won't have any butter for your popcorn the rest of your life; better still; you won't have any butter for your toast for the rest of your life..... as a matter of fact, you won't have any butter for anything the rest of your life!" THEN POOF!....she was gone. After Harry got a hold of himself, he hollered for his friend, Fred. "Fred, where are you?" Fred yells back, "I'm over here, in the Pussywillows." Harry yells back......"DON'T SWING FRED!!!" "For God sake, DON'T SWING!!"

[ROYC75]

Two guys are moving about in a supermarket when their carts collide.

One says to the other, "Excuse me, but I'm looking for my wife."

"What a coincidence, so am I, and I'm getting a little desperate."

"Well, maybe I can help you. What does your wife look like?"

"She's tall, with dark hair, long legs, firm tits, and a tight ass.

What's your wife look like?"

"Never mind, let's look for yours!"

[ROYC75]

The Boy
A boy about 12 years old walked down the street dragging a flattened
frog on a string behind him. He came to the doorstep of a House of
ill repute and knocked on the door. When the Madam answered it, she
saw the little boy and asked what he wanted.

He said, "I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have
the money to buy it, and I'm not leaving until I get it." The Madam
figured why not, so she told him to come in. and to pick any of the
girls he liked. He asked, "Do any of the girls have venereal
diseases?"

"Of course not" said the Madam.

He then said, "I heard all the men talking about having to get shots
after having sex with Amber -THAT'S the girl I want." Since the
little boy was adamant and had the money to pay for it, the cynical
Madam told him to go to the first room on the right. He headed down
the hall dragging the squashed amphibian behind him.

Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the
Madam, and headed out the door. The Madam stopped him and asked, "Why did you pick the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?"

He said, "Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents
are going out to a restaurant to eat, leaving me at home with a baby-
sitter. After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me
because she just happens to be very fond of cute little boys. She
will then get what I just caught.

When Mum and Dad get back, Dad will take the baby-sitter home. On the way, he'll have sex with her in the car and he'll catch it too. Then
when Dad gets home from the baby-sitter's, he and Mum will go to bed
and have sex, and Mum will catch it".

"In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will deliver the
milk, have a quickie with Mum and catch the clap, and HE'S THE
BASTARD WHO RAN OVER MY FROG!"

[ROYC75]

A man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for
a beer. "Certainly Sir, that'll be 1 cent." "ONE CENT?" exclaimed the
man. The barman replied "yes." So the man glances over at the menu
and asks, "Could I have a nice juicy T-bone steak, with chips, peas,
and a fried egg?" "Certainly Sir," replies the barman, "but that
comes to real money." "How much money?" inquires the man? "4 cents,"
he replies. "FOUR CENTS?" exclaims the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?" The barman replies, "Upstairs, with my wife." The man
says, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?" The bartender
replies, "The same thing as I'm doing to his business."

[Spider]

LOL

[Hotrod]

LMAO I love the golf one LMAO

[PatsWin2002]

Good stuff.

<bgsound src="http://www.eventsounds.com/wav/fatdrunk.wav">

[beerman]

LOL

[ROYC75]

An old farmer decided that it was time to get a new rooster for his hens. The current rooster was still doing an okay job, but he was getting on in years so the farmer figured that getting a new rooster couldn't hurt anything. So, he gets a young rooster and lets it loose in the barn yard.

The old rooster sees the young one strutting around and he gets a little worried. "So, they're trying to replace me," thinks the old rooster, "I've got to do something about this!" He walks up to the new bird and says, "So, you're the new guy in town. I bet you really think you're hot stuff, don't you? I'm not exactly ready for the chopping block yet. I bet I'm still the better bird and to prove it, I challenge you to a race around that hen house over there. We'll run around it ten times and whoever finishes first, gets to have all the hens for himself."

Well, the cocky young rooster was a proud sort and he definitely thought that he was more than a match for the old guy, so he said, "okay, you're on. And since I know that I'm so great, I'll even give you a head start of half a lap. I'll still win easily."

So, the two roosters go over to the hen house to start the racae and all the hens gather around to watch. The race begins and all the hens start cheering the roosters on.

After the first lap, the old roster is still maintaining his lead. After the second lap, the old guy's lead has slipped a little but he's still hanging in there. Unfortunately, the old rooster's lead continued to slip each time around and by the fifth lap he just barely led the young rooster.

By then, the farmer has heard all the commotion. He ran into the house, got his shotgun, and ran out to the barn yard, figuring a fox or something was after his chickens. When he got there, he saw the two roosters running around the hen house with the old rooster still slightly in the lead. He immediately took his shotgun, aimed, fired, and blew the young rooster away. He walked away slowly saying to himself...."Damn! That's the third gay rooster I've bought this month!"

[Spider]

Funnest Joke I have heard this week ................. Chiefs are a good team ;D

[ROYC75]

Any Cajun friends on here ?


Boudreaux been fish'n down by de bayou all day an he done run outa night crawlers.

He be bout reddy to leave when he seed a snake wit a big frog in his mout.

He knowed that them big bass fish like frogs so he decided to steal dat froggie.

That snake, hit be a cottn mouthed water moccasin so he had to be real careful or he'd get bit.
He snuk up behind the snake and grabbed him roun the haid.

That ole snake din't lik dat one bit. He squirmed
and wrapped hisself roun Boudreaux's arm try'n to get himself free.

But Boudreaux, him, had a real good grip on his haid, yeh.

Well, Boudreaux pried hit's mout open and got de frog and puts it in his bait can.

Now, Boudreaux knows that he! cain't let go dat
snake or hit's gonna bite him good, but he had a plan.

He reached into the back pocket of his bib overhauls and pulls out a pint o'moonshine likker. He pours a couple of draps into the snakes mout.

Well, that snake's eyeballs roll back in hits haid
and hits body limp.
Wit dat Boudreaux toss's dat snake into the bayou den he goes back to fishin.

A while later Boudreaux dun feel sumpin tappin on his barefoot toe.



He slowly look down and dare dat water mocassin was with two frogs in his mout.

__________________

[Spider]

Hey I am going to take my entire Paycheck .......all 12.82 and head to the Nudie bar ...who wants to tag along ? ;D

[ROYC75]

THE BEST DRINKING STORY EVER

From the State where drinking and driving is considered a sport, comes a true story.

Texas - Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a local neighborhood bar. Late in the evening the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes with the officer quietly observing.

After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his own car which he fell into. He was there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a dry night), flicked the hazard flasher on and off, tooted the horn and then
switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained stationary for a few more minutes as more patrons left in their vehicles.At last he pulled out of the parking lot and started to drive slowly down the street.

The police officer, having patiently waited all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and carried out a breathalyzer test.

To his amazement the breathalyzer indicated no evidence of the man having consumed alcohol at all! Dumbfounded, the officer said "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the Police station,this breathalyzer equipment must be broken."

"I doubt it," said the man, "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."

[ROYC75]

A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the comer of his eye. It reads:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION 10 MILES

He thinks it was a figment of his imagination and drives on without a second thought. Soon he sees another sign, which says:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION 5 MILES

Suddenly, he begins to realize that these signs are for real....Then he drives past a third sign saying:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION NEXT RIGHT

His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive. On the far side of the parking lot is a stone building with a small sign next to the door reading:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS

He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks, "What may we do for you, my son?"....
He answers, "I saw your signs along the highway, and was interested in possibly doing business."."Very well, my son. Please follow me." ....He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door and tells the man, "Please knock on this door".

He does as he is told and another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup answers the door. This nun instructs, "Please place $100 in the cup, then go through the large wooden door at the end of this hallway". He gets $100 out of his wallet and places it in the second nuns cup.

He trots eagerly down the hall and slips through the door, pulling it shut behind him.
As the door locks behind him, he finds himself back in the parking lot, facing another small sign:

GO IN PEACE.
YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED BY THE SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS.
SERVES YOU RIGHT, YOU SINNER

[Hotrod]

Originally posted by §Pide®
Hey I am going to take my entire Paycheck .......all 12.82 and head to the Nudie bar ...who wants to tag along ? ;D

I would think you should invest that in stocks. :) Oh never mind lets go ;D

[ROYC75]

Three bulls heard via the grapevine that the rancher was going to bring another bull onto the ranch, and the prospect raised a discussion among them. The first bull says, "Boys, we all know I've been here 5 years.

Once we settled our differences, we agreed on which 100 of the cows would be mine. Now, I don't know where this newcomer is going to get HIS cows, but I ain't' givin' him any of mine."

The second bull says, "That pretty much says it for me, too. I've
been here 3 years and have earned my right to the 50 cows we've agreed are mine. I'll fight 'im till I run him off or kill 'im, but I'M KEEPIN' ALL MY COWS."

The third bull says, "I've only been here a year, and so far you guys have only let me have 10 cows to, "take care of." I may not be as big as you fellows yet, but I am young and virile, so I simply MUST keep all MY cows."

They had just finished their big talk when an eighteen-wheeler pulls up in the middle of the pasture with only ONE ANIMAL IN IT: the biggest Son-of-Another-Bull these guys had ever seen! At 4700 pounds, each step he took toward the ground strained the steel ramp to the breaking point.

The first bull says, "Ahem...You know, it's actually been some time
since I really felt I was doing all my cows justice, anyway. I think I can spare a few for our new friend."

The second bull says, "I'll have plenty of cows to take care of if I
just stay on the opposite end of the pasture from HIM. I'm certainly not looking for an argument."

They look over at their young friend, the third bull, and find him
pawing the dirt, shaking his horns, and snorting up a storm.

The first bull says, "Son, let me give you some advice real quick.
Let him have some of your cows and live to tell about it."

The third bull says, "Heck, he can have ALL my cows. I'm just making sure he knows I'm a bull!

[ROYC75]

Some of these jokes are old and some I haven't heard of before.

BTW, am I still in front ?

[Hotrod]

You only get to lead until you run out of jokes. Keep them coming

[ROYC75]

Originally posted by hotrod
You only get to lead until you run out of jokes. Keep them coming

Damn, I have an endless supply of them......

I was think'n some of ya might think I hijacked the thread.???

[ROYC75]

An elderly couple was sitting at the kitchen table on the morning
of their 50th wedding anniversary.

"You know" she said, "We were probably sitting in the kitchen across from each other 50 years ago.

"Yea " he said, "But we were probably naked."

" So let's get naked now", she suggested. So they both took off all their clothes and sat across from each other.

" You know" she said smiling lovingly "My nipples feel just as hot for you today as they were 50 years ago."

He replied, "I'm sure they are - one is in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal.

[ROYC75]

Q: Why did God create yeast infections?

A: So women would know what it was like to live with
a miserable *unt.

[Hotrod]

LMMFAO

[ROYC75]

David received a parrot for his birthday. The parrot was full grown with a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive and those that weren't expletives, were to say the least rude. David tried hard to change the bird's attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing soft music, anything he could think of to try and set a good example, nothing worked. He yelled at the bird and the bird yelled back. He shook the bird and the bird just got more angry and more rude. Finally in a moment of desperation, David put the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he heard the bird squawk and kick and scream then suddenly there was quiet.

David was frightened that he might have hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out into David's extended arms and said, "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I will endeavor at once to correct my behavior. I really am truly sorry and beg your forgiveness." David was astonished at the bird's change in attitude and was about to ask what had made such a dramatic change when the parrot continued, "May I ask what the chicken did?"

__________________

[ROYC75]

Do Have bad gas ?


Ma and Pa were two hillbillies living in Arkansas out on the farm up in the hills. Pa has found out that the hole for the outhouse is full. He goes in the house and tells Ma he doesn't know what to do to empty the hole. Ma says,"Why don't you go ask the youngun down the road??? He must be smart because he is a college graduate." So Pa drives down to the neighbors. He ask him " Mr. College graduate, my hole for the outhouse is full and I don't know what to do to empty it." The youngun tells him, "Get yourself two sticks of dynamite, one with a short fuse and one with a long fuse. Light them both under the outhouse. The first one will go off and shoot the outhouse in the air. The second one will then go off and spread the poop all across your farm and fertilize your ground. The outhouse will then come back down to the same spot and you will have an empty hole for the outhouse." Pa thanks the neighbor and picks up two sticks of dynamite at the hardware store, one with a short fuse and one with a long fuse. He goes home and puts them under the corner of the outhouse. He lights them and then runs behind a tree.
All of a sudden, Ma comes running out of the house and into the outhouse!! BOOM!! Off goes the first stick of dynamite and shoots the outhouse in the air. BOOM!! Off goes the second stick of dynamite and spreads the poop all across the farm. The outhouse comes crashing back down on the hole.
Pa races to the outhouse, throws open the door and asks, "Ma, are you all right??!!" As she pulls up her pants she says, "Yeah, but I'm sure glad I didn't fart in the kitchen."

__________________

[ROYC75]

Life Explained...

On the first day Lord created cow. And Lord said, "You must go to the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer. I will give you a life span of sixty years."

Cow said, "That's a kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. Let me have twenty years and I'll give back the other forty." And Lord agreed.

On the second day Lord created dog. And to dog, Lord said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. I will give you a life span of twenty years."

Dog said, "That's too long to be barking. Give me ten years and I'll give back the other ten. So Lord agreed (sigh).

On the third day Lord created monkey. Lord said, "Entertain people, do monkey tricks, make them laugh. I'll give you a twenty year life span."

Monkey said, "How boring, monkey tricks for twenty years? I don't think so. Dog gave you back ten, so that's what I'll do too, okay? And Lord agreed again.

On the fourth day Lord created man. Lord said, "Eat, sleep, play,
enjoy. Do nothing, just enjoy, enjoy. I'll give you twenty years."

Man said, "What? Only twenty years? No way man. Tell you what, I'll take my twenty, and the forty cow gave back, and the ten monkey gave back, and the ten dog gave back. That makes eighty, okay?"

"Okay," said Lord. "You've got a deal."

So that is why for the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play, enjoy, and do nothing; for the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family; for the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain our grandchildren; and for the last ten years we sit in front of the house and bark at everybody.

Life has now been explained.

[ROYC75]

It was late at night in a well-known spot for "parking." A Policeman sees a couple in a car with the interior light on. He gets closer to the car and sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine and a young woman on the rear seat, knitting. Puzzled by this surprising situation, the cop walks to the car and knocks at the window.

The young man lowers his window..."Yes, officer?"

"What are you doing?"

"Well, officer...I'm reading a magazine..."

Pointing towards the young woman, the cop says, "And her, what is she doing?"

The young man shrugs, "I believe she's knitting a pullover..."

The cop is totally confused. A young couple alone in a car at night... And nothing obscene is happening! "What's your age, young man?"

"I'm 25, sir..."

"And her, what's her age?"

The young man looks at his watch and says, "She'll be 18 in 20 minutes."

[ROYC75]

Yes, it is, as you can tell, a borring day at the office !

[ROYC75]

The Smiths had no children and decided to use a proxy father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr.Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon."

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning madam. You don't know me but I've come to...."

"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in.

"Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! I've made a specialty of babies."

"That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat. Just where do we start?" asked Mrs. Smith, blushing.

"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too; you can really spread out."

"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me."

"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."

"I hope we can get this over with quickly," gasped Mrs. Smith.

"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure."

"Don't I know!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus in downtown London."


"Oh my god!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.


"And these twins turned out exceptionally well when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with." The photographer handed Mrs. Smith
the picture.

"She was difficult ?" asked Mrs. Smith.

"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look."

"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement.

"Yes", the photographer said. "And for more than three hours too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate. Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in."


Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean they actually chewed on your, eh......equipment?"

"That's right. Well madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so that we can get to work."

"Tripod??", Mrs. Smith looked extremely worried now.

"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for me to hold while I'm getting ready for action. Madam? Madam?..... Good Lord, she's fainted!!"

[Hotrod]

Pretty boring here also but the jokes are helping push towards lunch time. :)

[ROYC75]

A 90-year-old man said to his doctor, "I've never felt better. I have an 18-year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?"

The doctor considered his question for a minute and then said, "I have an elderly friend who is a hunter and never misses a season. One day when he was going out in a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his umbrella instead of his gun. When he got to the Creek, he saw a beaver sitting beside the stream. He raised his umbrella and went, 'bang, bang' and the beaver fell dead. What do you think of that?"

The 90-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else shot that beaver."

The doctor replied, "My point exactly."

[PatsWin2002]

<bgsound src="http://www.eventsounds.com/wav/shirley.wav">

[PatsWin2002]

<br>

[PatsWin2002]

<p>

[Darkhawk24]

I wonder how many ring of famers this thread will be responsible for!

[ROYC75]

Taco is the guy in the middle of this pick, orange sign..........

http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/attachment.php?attachmentid=12585&stc=1


;D

[ROYC75]

As always, pardon me if you've heard it before.

The train was very crowded, so the American soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged lady and was being used by her little dog. The weary soldier asked, "Please, ma'am, may I sit in that seat?"

The French woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said, "You Americans. You are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my Little Fife is using ze seat?"

The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but afteranother trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog. Again he asked, "Please, lady. May I sit there? I'm very tired."

The French woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, "You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant. Imagine!"

The soldier didn't say anything else; he leaned over, picked up the little dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat. The woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend her and chastise the soldier.

An English gentleman sitting across the aisle spoke up, "You know, sir, you Americans DO seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you've thrown the wrong bitch out the window!"

[ROYC75]

It was the first day of school and the teacher thought she'd get to know the kids by asking them their names and what their fathers did for a living.

The first little girl said, "My name is Mary and my daddy is a
postman."

The next little boy said, "I'm Andy and my Dad is a mechanic."

It was then little Johnny's turn and he said, "My name is Johnny and my father is a striptease dancer in a cabaret for gay men." The teacher gasped and quickly moved on, but later, in the school yard, the teacher approaches Johnny privately and asks if it was really true that his Dad dances nude in a gay bar. Little Johnny blushed and said, "No, he's a professional football player for the Oakland Raiders, but I was too embarrassed to
say so."

[ROYC75]

2 gay men walk into a club and approach the bar. As they begin to sit down, one man looks at the other and says, "Can I push in your stool?"

[ROYC75]

Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on.

The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered,"

The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians. Everything inside them is color-coded,"

The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best;
everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

The fourth surgeon chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers. They always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end and when the job takes longer than you said it would."

But the fifth surgeon shuts them all up when he observes: "The French are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls and no spine. Plus the head and ass are interchangeable."

[Hotrod]

LOL :laugh: :notworthy

Faider joke is awesome

[Bo]

36 pages......HAhahahahahaaaaaaaa

[Bo]

Oops.......37....

[ROYC75]

A fellow called the other day and wanted to know if I'd heard the story about the mountain farmer who got in his pickup and drove several miles to a neighboring farm and knocked on the farmhouse door. A young boy, about 12 opened the door. "Is yer pa home?" the farmer asked. "No sir he ain't," the boy replied. "He went to town." "Well said the farmer, is yer ma here?" "No, she ain't here either.She went to town with pa." "How about your brother, Joe, is he here?" "He went with ma and pa." The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other and mumbling to himself. "Is there anything I can do fer ya?", the boy inquired politely. "I know where all the tools are, if you want to borry one. Or maybe I could take a message fer pa." "Well," said the farmer uncomfortably. "I really wanted to talk to yer pa. It's about your brother Joe getting my daughter, Pearly Mae, pregnant."

The boy considered for a moment. "You would have to talk to pa about that", he finally conceded. "But if it helps you any, I know that pa charges $50 for the bull and $25 for the boar hog but I really don't know how much he gets for Joe."

__________________

[ROYC75]

The Queen and Dolly Parton die on the same day,
and they both go before St. Peter to find out if
they'll be admitted to heaven.
Unfortunately, there's only one space left that
day, so St. Peter asks Dolly if there's some
particular reason why she should go to heaven,
so she takes off her top and says, "Look at these.
They're the most perfect ones God ever created,
and I'm proud to own them.
St. Peter thanks Dolly, and asks The Queen the
same question.
She then drops her skirt and panties, takes a
bottle of Perrier out of her purse, shakes it up,
and douches with it.
St. Peter says, "OK, Your Majesty, you may go in".

Dolly is outraged. She screams, "What was that
all about? I show you two of God's own creations,
she performs a disgusting hygiene act, and gets in
and I don't?!!!"
"Sorry, Dolly," says St. Peter, "but a royal
flush beats a pair any day."

[ROYC75]

A man and wife were taking a shower when the doorbell
rang. The wife says, "I'll get it" and wraps a towel
around her. She opens the door and sees that it's her
nextdoor neighbor. The neighbor notices that she's in
her towel and says, "Damn your fine! I'll give you $500
right now if you'll open your towel and let me get a
good look at that beautiful body of yours" She says,
"$500? Right now?" He says, "Yeah right now." She agrees
and opens her towel and lets him get a real good look.
He hands her the $500 and goes back home. She gets back
in the shower and her husband asks who was at the door
and she says that it was the nextdoor neighbor. He said,
"Cool! Did he have my 500 bucks?"

[PatsWin2002]

George Carlin clip......hit play to start.

<embed src="http://jokes.121target.com/streams/motivated_low.asx" autostart=false>

[Bo]

LMFAO!!

[alkemical]

i win

[PatsWin2002]

Another Carlin clip........

<EMBED src=http://jokes.121target.com/streams/randomanger_low.asx autostart="false">

[ROYC75]

President Bush and Colin Powell are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Powell sitting over there?"

The barman says, "Yep, that's them."

So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor. What are you guys doing in here?"

Bush says, "We're planning WW III ".

And the guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"

Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 140 million Iraqis this time and one blonde with big tits.

The guy exclaimed, "A blonde with big tits? Why kill a blonde with big tits?

Bush turns to Powell, punches him on the shoulder and says, "See, smart ass, I told you no one would worry about the 140 million Iraqis!"

[ROYC75]

This guy was lonely and so he decided life would be more fun if he
had a pet.
So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, he finally bought a centipede (100 legged bug),
which came in a little white box to use for his house.

He took the box back home, found a good location for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to the bar to have a drink. So he asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like to go to Frank's with me and have a beer?" But there was no answer from his new pet.

This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked him again, "How about going to the bar and having a drink with me?" But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet. So! he waited a few minutes more, thinking
about the situation. He decided to ask him one more time; this time putting his face up against the centipede's house and shouting, "Hey, in there! Would youlike to go to Frank's place and have a drink with me?

A little voice came out of the box:

"I heard you the first time! I'm putting on my ****ing shoes."

[ROYC75]

One evening, two elderly residents, one male and one female, were sitting alone in the lobby of their nursing home.
The old man looked over and said to the old lady, "I know just what you're wanting, and for $5 I'll have sex with you right over there in that rocking chair."

The old lady looked surprised but didn't say a word.

The old man continued, "For $10 I'll do it with you on that nice soft sofa over there, but for $20 I'll take you back to my room, light some candles, and give you the most romantic evening you've ever had in your life."

The old lady still says nothing, but after a couple minutes starts
digging down in her purse.

She pulls out a wrinkled $20 bill and holds it up.

"So you want the nice romantic evening in my room," says the old man.

"Get serious," she replies. "I want it four times in the rocking
chair."

[ROYC75]

A cowboy walks into a bar and two steps in, he realizes it's a gay
bar. "But what the heck," he says to himself, "I really want a drink."

When the gay waiter approaches, he says to the cowboy, "What's
the name of your penis?"

The cowboy says, "Look, I'm not into any of that. All I want is a drink.
" The gay waiter says, "I'm sorry but I can't serve you until you tell me
the name of your penis. Mine for instance is called Nike, for the slogan
"Just Do It.'

That guy down at the end of the bar calls his Snickers, because 'It really
Satisfies'." The cowboy looks dumbfounded so the bartender tells him he
will give him a second to think it over. So the cowboy asks the man
sitting to his left, who is sipping on a beer,"Hey bud, what's the name of
yours?"

The man looks back and says with a smile "TIMEX." The thirsty cowboy
asks, "Why Timex?" The fella proudly replies,"Cause it takes a lickin' and
keeps on tickin'!"

A little shaken, the cowboy turns to the fella on his right, who is sipping
a fruity Margarita and says, "So, what do you call yours?" The man turns
to him and proudly exclaims, "FORD, because "Quality is Job One."
Then he adds, "Have you driven a Ford, lately?"

Even more shaken, the Cowboy has to think for a moment before he
comes up with a name for his manhood. Finally, he turns to the bartender
and exclaims, "The name of my penis is SECRET. Now give me a beer."
The bartender begins to pour the cowboy a beer, but with a puzzled look
asks, "Why Secret?"

The cowboy says, "BECAUSE IT'S STRONG ENOUGH FOR A MAN,
BUT MADE FOR A WOMAN!!!!!"

[ROYC75]

Clinton was being entertained by an African leader. The African leader smiled...and suggested that Clinton, participate...in the National game of 'African Roulette'... that is related to 'Russian Roulette'.

Clinton frowned. "Russian Roulette is not a...friendly...nice...
game."

The African leader smiled again... "That's why we developed African Roulette. If you want to have good relations with our country, you'll have to play. I'll show you how."

He pushed a buzzer, and a moment later six magnificently built, nude women were ushered in. "You can choose any one of those women to give you oral sex," he told Clinton.

This gained Clinton's immediate attention, and he was ready to make his choice, when a thought occurred to him. "How on earth is this related to Russian roulette?" he asked.

The African leader responded, "One of them is a cannibal."

[Mile High Shack]

you guys are still posting on this?????

LOSERSROFL!

[Spider]

I win

[Bo]

Originally posted by §Pide®
I win

Fraid not......

[Hotrod]

Its still anyones game but I have a hunch I will win in the end. :)

[Bo]

.

[Hotrod]

Ok you kiddies need to step aside man coming thru.

[Bo]

nope

[Spider]

Well I never

[Hotrod]

Have I won yet???

[PatsWin2002]

Originally posted by hotrod
Have I won yet???

I think so.

[ChampBailey24]

nope i have won. muah hahahahahaha

[jhat01]

:strong:

[ChampBailey24]

:contract: By law it says i win right there!

[PatsWin2002]

Look at all the losers posting in this thread!

[ChampBailey24]

What ude look at you. youre the only pats fan on this board.

[ROYC75]

There was this prositute that after 30 years was going to retire. Her liftime goal was to marry a man that was still a virgin, but he had to be her age. She sends info out across the interenet around the world.

She gets this lone reply from a guy from the land down under ( Aust. ). They exchange pics and some chat across the net. They agree to meet and get married.

On the night of the honeymoon, she slips away and heads to the bathroom to put on her sexy nighty. While she is in the bathroom, he gets excited and takes all the furniture and lines it up around the room, leaving as much floor space as possible.

She comes out and see's this and says, My god, What have you done here, why is the bed turned up against the wall and the funiture moved ?

(English accent)

Well it's true me love, one ain't never made love to a woman before, But if it is anything like f**king a kangaroo, we goin need all the space we can get now !