Divorce......whos done it.

[Hotrod]

What was the good, the bad and the ugly.

Tips???

[Traveler]

You don't know what your asking, do you?:~ohyah!:

Are childern involved?

Long story short, don't do it unless there is no other option!

[TailgateNut]

All three.

Good, that it's over.
Bad, for my son.
Ugly, the whole process.

I did it in 92-94 (In Va you have to go through a 1 yr mandetory legal separation period).

Regrets, NONE!

[Hotrod]

You don't know what your asking, do you?:~ohyah!:

Long story short, don't do it unless there is no other option!

so its worse then a colenoscopy???

[TheDave]

Sorry, 15 years in... so far so good.


Then again if she keeps up this creation ****... ;)

[Traveler]

so its worse then a colenoscopy???

Could be, depending on how much emotion comes into play.

[Hotrod]

Sorry, 15 years in... so far so good.


Then again if she keeps up this creation ****... ;)

I only made it 10

[Traveler]

All three.

Good, that it's over.
Bad, for my son.
Ugly, the whole process.

I did it in 92-94 (In Va you have to go through a 1 yr mandetory legal separation period).

Regrets, NONE!

Same in NC. Did it in 94.

[Hotrod]

Could be, depending on how much emotion comes into play.

emotion...hmmm so far I feel completly flat and void

[TheDave]

I only made it 10

Sorry 'bout that man...

a couple of my friends went throught it... just a rough situation all the way around.

[Hotrod]

You don't know what your asking, do you?:~ohyah!:

Are childern involved?

Long story short, don't do it unless there is no other option!

Yes

[Traveler]

emotion...hmmm so far I feel completly flat and void

Sorry man! Don't question yourself too much. And trust me, you will.

[TailgateNut]

emotion...hmmm so far I feel completly flat and void


any kids involved?

I battled like a SOB to get full custody, which I was awarded, but I did give more than 1/2 of everything I owned to "get my way". And in that assbackward commonwealth known by most as Va. it is unusual for the man to get custody. Needless to say, once I got my final decree, I carried my ass back home to Colorado.

Wish ya all the best!

[Hotrod]

any kids involved?

I battled like a SOB to get full custody, which I was awarded, but I did give more than 1/2 of everything I owned to "get my way". And in that assbackward commonwealth known by most as Va. it is unusual for the man to get custody. Needless to say, once I got my final decree, I carried my ass back home to Colorado.

Wish ya all the best!

Well so far shes agreed that he is MY son and will be staying with me.

[bronclvr]

Been through it twice (getting experience)-depending on how you get along (obviously not so good, but can you still talk amicably?), you can do the whole thing yourself (there are Books now for Colorado Divorce DIY). If not, break out the checkbook it's gonna get messy)-it can be done if will agree on stuff, kids muddy it up but I did it with two-

I finally got it right (third times a charm, been 16 Years) hope you will on the next go 'round too!

[Hotrod]

Been through it twice (getting experience)-depending on how you get along (obviously not so good, but can you still talk amicably?), you can do the whole thing yourself (there are Books now for Colorado Divorce DIY). If not, break out the checkbook it's gonna get messy)-it can be done if will agree on stuff, kids muddy it up but I did it with two-

I finally got it right (third times a charm, been 16 Years) hope you will on the next go 'round too!

So far not a single voice has been raised but its early I guess. I think we will be able to agree on almost everything. For example she keeps her Chiefs jerseys and gear :)

[TailgateNut]

Well so far shes agreed that he is MY son and will be staying with me.


How old's your kid.

Mine was 8 when I became a single dad. Tough but definately worth the struggles.

Just make sure he understands it's not his fault.

[Hotrod]

How old's your kid.

Mine was 8 when I became a single dad. Tough but definately worth the struggles.

Just make sure he understands it's not his fault.


Hes 9 and I'm gonna be in WAY over my ****ing head. I'll learn on the fly

[baja]

I recommend some top notch counseling first.

[Hotrod]

I recommend some top notch counseling first.

I was tempted to talk to my friends Jim Beam & Jack Daniels but they always lie to me.

[bronclvr]

So far not a single voice has been raised but its early I guess. I think we will be able to agree on almost everything. For example she keeps her Chiefs jerseys and gear :)

Hotrod,

My advise would be to be sure to get along with her if you can-your Son needs to be able to see his Mother without friction between the two of you.......my current Wife has that with her ex, and the kids definitely benefitted from it, not to mention how much better it will be for you.

It is a bitch-not only the emotional toll, but your Son WILL be effected-your sacrifice will only make it better for him-

[orangenblue2]

Tips???

Sorry to hear that, dude. However, sometimes it is better for both of you in the long run.
Rule #1 - Don't involve the children. This means that they hear nothing bad about their mother from you. It also means that you and your soon-to-be ex, keep fighting, yelling, and other heated divorce matters away from them.
Rule #2 - Never, and I mean never forget that divorce proceedings are an adversarial process. This woman may have been the light of your life at one time, but you can bet your bottom dollar that she and her attorney will do everything they can to make your life hell. Divorce is usually a street fight and the person who strikes first and hardest has an advantage. The time to be nice is after the process is done. I cannot stress this enough...

All in all, a divorce is one the most stressful things a person can go through. Fight to win...:peace:

[Pezman]

I'm sorry to hear that Rodder, wish things would have been better for ya.

[rugbythug]

I was divorced but I was still in college, no kids and no assets so it wasn't that bad. I hope yours is easy.

[TailgateNut]

Hes 9 and I'm gonna be in WAY over my ****ing head. I'll learn on the fly


You'll be fine brother. You'll be fine. Just get ready for some long hours and some sacrifices which will be well worth it in due time.

[bronclvr]

Sorry to hear that, dude. However, sometimes it is better for both of you in the long run.
Rule #1 - Don't involve the children. This means that they hear nothing bad about their mother from you. It also means that you and your soon-to-be ex, keep fighting, yelling, and other heated divorce matters away from them.
Rule #2 - Never, and I mean never forget that divorce proceedings are an adversarial process. This woman may have been the light of your life at one time, but you can bet your bottom dollar that she and her attorney will do everything they can to make your life hell. Divorce is usually a street fight and the person who strikes first and hardest has an advantage. The time to be nice is after the process is done. I cannot stress this enough...

All in all, a divorce is one the most stressful things a person can go through. Fight to win...:peace:



I think it really depends on how (and if) you can get along-if she caught you with your shorts down (or you her's), then yes, it will be tough, but if it's just an issue where you both went in differecnt directions then I agree with baja, you might try counseling-I have seen it help friends.

If it just cuts too deep then it may get bloody-hope not-

[Hotrod]

I'm sorry to hear that Rodder, wish things would have been better for ya.

HOLY CRAP your alive. Where ya been?

[Hotrod]

I think it really depends on how (and if) you can get along-if she caught you with your shorts down (or you her's), then yes, it will be tough, but if it's just an issue where you both went in differecnt directions then I agree with baja, you might try counseling-I have seen it help friends.

If it just cuts too deep then it may get bloody-hope not-

Lets just say theres one thing I always said I would never put up with from my wife with no exceptions.

[bronclvr]

Lets just say theres one thing I always said I would never put up with from my wife with no exceptions.

Really sorry to hear that :pity: , but glad to hear you have set boundaries-happened to me once, too-

[theAPAOps5]

Lets just say theres one thing I always said I would never put up with from my wife with no exceptions.

If you mean what I think you mean I am so sorry Hotrod. That being said if you need help with "releasing" some aggression on "something" (not her) then PM me.

I am happily married with a baby on the way so I can't give you any advice except that don't do what my parents did when they divorced. I was 5 and they put me in the middle.

On 950 the fan there is always this add for an attorney that represents men only in divorce might want to look into that.

[baja]

Lets just say theres one thing I always said I would never put up with from my wife with no exceptions.

Many marriages survive an infidelity and grow into great unions.

One question. Do you love each other?

[TailgateNut]

Lets just say theres one thing I always said I would never put up with from my wife with no exceptions.


Let's put it this way: Houses, cars, furniture and other objects can be replaced, but your sanity once lost is hard to recover.

I kept my sanity and have replaced all the other items and my life is much better now than it was back then.

.....and I don't have to put up with a Deadskin fan in my house anymore!ROFL!

[orangenblue2]

Lets just say theres one thing I always said I would never put up with from my wife with no exceptions.

Truly sorry. I've been through that. Now, if divorce is really the answer...then "lawyer up", and I mean yesterday. It will save plenty of heartache and $$$ in the long run. I can't stress this enough...

[DomCasual]

I almost did it once. I would just say what a few others have said. It should be the absolute last resort. It was brutally painful, and a real pain in the butt. And once we really threw all in on deciding to try and reconcile, we found out that we really kind of liked each other, after all.

[Hotrod]

Many marriages survive an infidelity and grow into great unions.

One question. Do you love each other?

Theres a bitch of a question.

[Pezman]

HOLY CRAP your alive. Where ya been?

Off in O'ahu freezing my ass off.. errr maybe not.
Bro, I dont know how long this has been an issue for you, but if this is a recent development, then whatever you do, reflect on your lifetime with each other first before making a rash decision that will tear your family apart. I know that's the obvious answer, but sometimes getting some perspective for a few days/weeks is the best.

[Spider]

Really cant help you here Hotrod , I wish I could give you some advice ....

[Old Dude]

Hmn. Well, I've been through a previous divorce and have never regreted it for a moment. However, it was an extremely short term marriage with no kids and the fact is that we were completely incompatible from the get-go and should never have got hitched in the first place. So I doubt that this would be much help to you in your situation.

[theAPAOps5]

Theres a b**** of a question.

Yes but it also is the key to everything.

[BMF Bronco]

It's the worst ****ing thing I have ever been through and still have to put up with. And it was one of these "amicable" divorces everyone is talking about. If there is any way around it, my recommendation is to avoid it at all costs.

[Hotrod]

It's the worst ****ing thing I have ever been through and still have to put up with. And it was one of these "amicable" divorces everyone is talking about. If there is any way around it, my recommendation is to avoid it at all costs.

Thats not exactly what I wanted to hear but did expect.

I think its time to pull out the Jack Daniels and take the edge off.

[orangenblue2]

Yes but it also is the key to everything.

I respectfully disagree. There is a whole multitude of issues. "Love" is not a panacea for what ails every marriage. Not knowing what exactly Hotrod's situation or circumstances are, a whole range of issues could come into play. Just off the top of my head I can think of: children, family, work, trust, financial, friends, relatives, housing, retirement, commitment, and depression.

I'm in no way advocating for divorce as the definitive answer. IMO, divorce should be the last resort. The pain and devastation that it causes is real. However, if one has come to the conclusion that divorce is the only viable option...then it is best to strike first and strike hard. It is a fool's paradise to believe that your once-loving spouse won't go for the jugular once they talk to friends and hire an attorney (who, I might add, wouldn't be doing their job if they didn't represent them to the best of their ability). You can play nice and have fond memories of the marriage down the line.

[Hotrod]

I respectfully disagree. There is a whole multitude of issues. "Love" is not a panacea for what ails every marriage. Not knowing what exactly Hotrod's situation or circumstances are, a whole range of issues could come into play. Just off the top of my head I can think of: children, family, work, trust, financial, friends, relatives, housing, retirement, commitment, and depression.

I'm in no way advocating for divorce as the definitive answer. IMO, divorce should be the last resort. The pain and devastation that it causes is real. However, if one has come to the conclusion that divorce is the only viable option...then it is best to strike first and strike hard. It is a fool's paradise to believe that your once-loving spouse won't go for the jugular once they talk to friends and hire an attorney (who, I might add, wouldn't be doing their job if they didn't represent them to the best of their ability). You can play nice and have fond memories of the marriage down the line.

Thats the thing about the "love" question. I love her with all my heart and soul. Simply put she my best friend. In all honesty those facts just make everything that was done worse. Then add in a little "Im not sure what I want" when given the option to fix the issue.

on the other hand I dont want to live the rest of my life wondering "is she really working late" "is it a real meeting in whereever" blah blah blah.

[elsid13]

Well that sucks Hotrod.

I recommend that you see if there an option for court mediation, before you go the lawyer/court route process. Remember things usually work out like they are supposed to.

[BMF Bronco]

Thats not exactly what I wanted to hear but did expect.

I think its time to pull out the Jack Daniels and take the edge off.

I know bro and I am sorry, but it's how it is. Just make sure the kids are taken care of, hands down.

[Rohirrim]

Lets just say theres one thing I always said I would never put up with from my wife with no exceptions.

Aw, give the girl a break. Not everybody can be a good cook. :welcome:

[Sassy]

What does she want?

[bronclvr]

Aw, give the girl a break. Not everybody can be a good cook. :welcome:

Classy......

[Hotrod]

Classy......

No its ok I know Roh

[Rohirrim]

No its ok I know Roh

I feel for ya, man. Just trying to lighten it up for you a bit. What you need is some Jack Daniels and some country music. Start with Hank Williams and work your way forward. And if you don't have one already, go out and buy a dog. Women. They can make you ****ing crazy. :oyvey:

Try to keep some grasp on the big picture and hang on to your sense of humor, bro.

[Hotrod]

I feel for ya, man. Just trying to lighten it up for you a bit. What you need is some Jack Daniels and some country music. Start with Hank Williams and work your way forward. And if you don't have one already, go out and buy a dog. Women. They can make you ****ing crazy. :oyvey:

Try to keep some grasp on the big picture and hang on to your sense of humor, bro.

I hear ya man.

[theAPAOps5]

Thats the thing about the "love" question. I love her with all my heart and soul. Simply put she my best friend. In all honesty those facts just make everything that was done worse. Then add in a little "Im not sure what I want" when given the option to fix the issue.

on the other hand I dont want to live the rest of my life wondering "is she really working late" "is it a real meeting in whereever" blah blah blah.

Yeah I wasn't saying love is the glue and end all be all. I am just saying that with love involved it makes things worse. If it were me and my wife cheated thats the deal breaker. In fact its both of our deal breakers. So I am with Hotrod on this. That trust has been violated completely.

Chin up Hotrod and you know you will make the right decision.

[orangenblue2]

Thats the thing about the "love" question. I love her with all my heart and soul. Simply put she my best friend. In all honesty those facts just make everything that was done worse.

I know exactly what you are feeling. Hell, I could have written those exact words eight years ago. All I can offer is the advice previously given on this thread...and the guarantee that you will feel better sometime down the road. Stay strong...and go ahead, have a drink or two...

Then add in a little "Im not sure what I want" when given the option to fix the issue.

Again, I remember hearing those exact words. In my case, it was a warning sign...a sort of "grass is greener on the other side" comment. Needless to say, that is no way to treat your spouse. I feel for ya...but, would you say that to her if you didn't really mean it? Its BS and a cop-out. You either "want" to be married to me or you don't. Problems in a marriage can be resolved sometimes, but if you're getting the "I'm not sure what I want" line...she's thought about this for a long time. Protect yourself...at least talk to an attorney...please...

on the other hand I dont want to live the rest of my life wondering "is she really working late" "is it a real meeting in whereever" blah blah blah.

Therein lies the rub, Hotrod. Most people can drive themselves crazy thinking about these things even if nothing has ever happened. Only you can decide if things can be patched up and made ok again. I wish you well...:peace:

[spdirty]

I went through it last July, it was final in December. Really sucks, lost about 30 pounds in a month cuz of the stress.

As of now the good is that I can come home to a nice, peaceful house, with absolutely no nagging. Also, if she calls up nagging about something I can just hang up and not worry about it. But I got to keep my house, my truck, just about everything in my house, and the child support is manageable. This happened because I just flat outsmarted her ass before filing and because of it she got nearly nothing.

The bad is my son. I get 8 overnights with him per month, as well as all holidays and 2 weeks uninterrupted vacation a year. The part that really screws me up is the night I let her have him back and the day after. Its the absolute worst part because they just want to have mommy and daddy living in the same house and have a happy family. At the parenting class that you will have to go through, they will tell you that your kids will fantasize about you and mom getting back together for the rest of their lives. This part kind of screwed me up. Also, I still love her, and care about her, just can't live with her.

The ugly is hoping and praying that she will leave the country and me and my son can live happily ever after. Its ugly because I know that he is better off without her.

Whatever you do though, do not, absolutely DO NOT bash the ex in front of your kids. They will resent you for this.

All that said, I hope you can work it out with her hotrod. Divorce is terrible and it is heartbreaking to see families go through it.

[Blueflame]

So sorry to hear you're going through this, Hotrod... I've never been through a divorce (although Mr. Blue has) but if you need to talk, I'm a good listener and as close as a PM.

[gunns]

Those that have said don't use the kids hit the mark. It is by far the most important thing. If you are going to keep the child make sure you can support that child on your own in case the child support stops. And if it does do not use that as a reason not to let her see her child.

If she cheated you need to realize it wouldn't have mattered what you did or didn't do in your marriage, it was going to happen anyway. It really has nothing to do with you, so hate her decision but don't express that hate to her. Get along if at all possible and make it possible for the child. If he see's you react in a negative way to his mother, he will feel it's a reflection on him.

That all being said, I walked out with 5 children (2 weeks pregnant with the 6th) and never looked back. August 26, 1992, the day the divorce was final, was one of the best days of my life. To date I've received $20 in child support and we are friends. Had to for the sake of my kids.

[W*GS]

Just about everyone else in my family has been divorced (some more than once) but my wife and I had a 10-year "engagement" where we worked all that relationship stuff out first. If we'd gotten married right away, perhaps we would have divorced.

So sorry, I can't give you any advice.

[Spider]

Just about everyone else in my family has been divorced (some more than once) but my wife and I had a 10-year "engagement" where we worked all that relationship stuff out first. If we'd gotten married right away, perhaps we would have divorced.

So sorry, I can't give you any advice.

yeah kinda hard to get a divorce from a blow up doll

[L.A. BRONCOS FAN]

You know me - I'm one of those free-spirited liberals who thinks marriage is an obsolete institution, so I'm afraid I can't offer any meaningful advice here.

Nevertheless, I'm sorry to hear you're going through this sort of thing, dude.

That sh*t hurts.

[Taco John]

Tough situation all around... Whatever happens, you have to remember one thing: this is the mother of your son. Any hardship that she goes through down the road is one that he's going through too. Make any long term decisions with this in mind.

A divorce is going to make your boy grow up a lot faster than anybody wanted him to.

As a responsible father, you should make every decision based on what's right for him first, and what's right for you second. This is my opinion at least. It frustrated me a great deal that my parents seemed so wrapped up in themselves through their divorce that they didn't take the time to appreciate the adjustment us kids were going through. It damaged our relationships in the long run. We're patching things up now, but lost a lot of good years in the process.

[Taco John]

Just about everyone else in my family has been divorced (some more than once) but my wife and I had a 10-year "engagement" where we worked all that relationship stuff out first. If we'd gotten married right away, perhaps we would have divorced.

So sorry, I can't give you any advice.


My wife and I "dated" for 5 years before we got married. And then we were married for 7 years before we had our first son. We like to take it easy...

[L.A. BRONCOS FAN]

Divorce is usually a street fight and the person who strikes first and hardest has an advantage.

From what my divorced friends tell me, it's also a question of who can outspend the other on attorneys' fees.

[Rohirrim]

My wife and I "dated" for 5 years before we got married. And then we were married for 7 years before we had our first son. We like to take it easy...

My wife and I met, went out on a date, she was pregnant within a month, we got married before she was showing and we've been together for 18 years. We haven't been apart a day since that first lunch. I guess there's just no formula.

[Spider]

I was born Married ;D

[L.A. BRONCOS FAN]

I was born Married ;D

;)

I think I just enjoy variety too much to consider marriage an attractive proposition.

[Spider]

;)

I think I just enjoy variety too much to consider marriage an attractive proposition.

;D for some reason Naked gun movie poped into my head where Nielson and Kennedy are sitting at the table taking about marriage and sex ..... Kennedy foaming at the mouth ;D

[Spider]

I have known hotrod a few years oline , judging from that , he is strong enough to survive this , and smart enough to make the right choices . if Iwere a betting man , my money would be on him

[L.A. BRONCOS FAN]

;D for some reason Naked gun movie poped into my head where Nielson and Kennedy are sitting at the table taking about marriage and sex ..... Kennedy foaming at the mouth ;D

Heh! LOL

Believe it or not, I still haven't seen that movie.

[Spider]

Heh! LOL

Believe it or not, I still haven't seen that movie.
see em all they are worth it

[L.A. BRONCOS FAN]

I have known hotrod a few years oline , judging from that , he is strong enough to survive this , and smart enough to make the right choices . if Iwere a betting man , my money would be on him

Yep, I don't doubt that he will make it through this.

By the same token, I know it's also quite the industrial-sized can of emotional whoop-ass.

[theAPAOps5]

Hotrod if divorce is the route taken you might want to see family counseling with your wife and your son. Not to patch things up but to ensure he is taken care of emotionally.

My dad walked out and married a horrible human being. She would lock me in the basement, and tell my dad I did things that just were never true and I would a spanking for. I went to counseling at first because I wouldn't even talk to this woman. One of those she would talk and I would stare and walk away. After a while the courts just took away the required visits based on this situation and its never been the same with my Dad. I call him the donor and my stepdad is who I call dad. But my dad chose to ignore me rather than find another way to see me.

I think if my parents weren't as sellfish they would have had all of us in counceling so that its the least impact on the kid(s). Just hepls them understand that it has nothing to do with them.

[W*GS]

yeah kinda hard to get a divorce from a blow up doll

You attempting to insult my wife?

[Spider]

You attempting to insult my wife?

look dickhead , take it any way you want

[alkemical]

I think spider and wags are ready for a divorce soon.

[TailgateNut]

I respectfully disagree. There is a whole multitude of issues. "Love" is not a panacea for what ails every marriage. Not knowing what exactly Hotrod's situation or circumstances are, a whole range of issues could come into play. Just off the top of my head I can think of: children, family, work, trust, financial, friends, relatives, housing, retirement, commitment, and depression.

I'm in no way advocating for divorce as the definitive answer. IMO, divorce should be the last resort. The pain and devastation that it causes is real. However, if one has come to the conclusion that divorce is the only viable option...then it is best to strike first and strike hard. It is a fool's paradise to believe that your once-loving spouse won't go for the jugular once they talk to friends and hire an attorney (who, I might add, wouldn't be doing their job if they didn't represent them to the best of their ability). You can play nice and have fond memories of the marriage down the line.

Although my divorce was a "bleeding jugular" type, I think it's a stereotype to say that's what the majority of divorces are.

If it can't be reconciled then definately retain an attorney, but keeping it civil is much better than going into an immediate attack mode. Just MO./

[TailgateNut]

I feel for ya, man. Just trying to lighten it up for you a bit. What you need is some Jack Daniels and some country music. Start with Hank Williams and work your way forward. And if you don't have one already, go out and buy a dog. Women. They can make you ****ing crazy. :oyvey:

Try to keep some grasp on the big picture and hang on to your sense of humor, bro.


He doesn't need the country music right now. The Jack might take take edge off or cloud the mind.

[Spider]

I think spider and wags are ready for a divorce soon.

LOL ......

[TailgateNut]

Those that have said don't use the kids hit the mark. It is by far the most important thing. If you are going to keep the child make sure you can support that child on your own in case the child support stops. And if it does do not use that as a reason not to let her see her child.

If she cheated you need to realize it wouldn't have mattered what you did or didn't do in your marriage, it was going to happen anyway. It really has nothing to do with you, so hate her decision but don't express that hate to her. Get along if at all possible and make it possible for the child. If he see's you react in a negative way to his mother, he will feel it's a reflection on him.

That all being said, I walked out with 5 children (2 weeks pregnant with the 6th) and never looked back. August 26, 1992, the day the divorce was final, was one of the best days of my life. To date I've received $20 in child support and we are friends. Had to for the sake of my kids.


Talk about Deja Vu. My son is now an adult and I finalized my divorce in 93, and I've recieved a total of $35 child support, but I didn't have to deal with my X anymore. Well worth the money IMO.
If the reasons for her actions would'nt have been so complicated I would have pursued the support issue just for my sons' sake, but I decided not to.

[TailgateNut]

Tough situation all around... Whatever happens, you have to remember one thing: this is the mother of your son. Any hardship that she goes through down the road is one that he's going through too. Make any long term decisions with this in mind.

A divorce is going to make your boy grow up a lot faster than anybody wanted him to.

As a responsible father, you should make every decision based on what's right for him first, and what's right for you second. This is my opinion at least. It frustrated me a great deal that my parents seemed so wrapped up in themselves through their divorce that they didn't take the time to appreciate the adjustment us kids were going through. It damaged our relationships in the long run. We're patching things up now, but lost a lot of good years in the process.


My father was killed in Vietnam and a few years my mother married my stepfather who turned out to be the most abusive, cheating, untrustworthy person I've ever had the "pleasure" of knowing. My mother decided to stay in the marriage for my sake until I finished HS. When I "hit my teenage years I realized what was happening and decided to do my best to "free" my mother from the "burden". So I busted my ass and graduated from HS 2 years early and as soon as I finished the last class, I moved to Amsterdam. Not less than 2 weeks later she tossed him to the curb.

The point I am making is that sometimes it can also be worse to force a relationship which isn't right and your children aren't completely clueless no matter how hard you attempt to mask the problems.

[Hotrod]

Thanks everyone.

As of right now my head is ****ing spinning like a top.

[alkemical]

It's cool hotrod.

I have no advice to give. I'm 28, haven't been married. Was engaged once - I guess the only thing i could do for ya is take you out for beer & darts/bowling, etc.

[Spider]

Thanks everyone.

As of right now my head is ****ing spinning like a top.

well buddy yo ugot a slew of friends here , some of us would even drive down to where you live , to help you out .......

[Hotrod]

well buddy yo ugot a slew of friends here , some of us would even drive down to where you live , to help you out .......

I know and appriciate it trust me.

I just wish there was "one" right answer but that does not seem to be the case.

One good thing is with her being a chefs fan my hatered of all things KC is at an all time high.

[Spider]

I know and appriciate it trust me.

I just wish there was "one" right answer but that does not seem to be the case.

One good thing is with her being a chefs fan my hatered of all things KC is at an all time high.

yeah there is no magic answer ..... I wish there was ... I would give it to you in a heartbeat

[bronclvr]

Thanks everyone.

As of right now my head is ****ing spinning like a top.

Keep your head up-(I know that's hard to do right now, but) sounds like you are in the Driver's seat here, the choices are yours to make. You might consider making a list of the Pro's and Con's of your choices, and the potential outcomes fo those choices.

Without a doubt it is a tough position to be in-busted trust is not an easy thing to recover from because ego and pride are also in the equation. Reflect on the good (and the bad)-if she is your "soul mate" and you get along (and love each other truly), maybe some life and/or geographic changes are in order.

Don't make any hasty decisions you might regret later-you have time here-

[TailgateNut]

Hey Hotrod, Ya know what always works for me when I'm stressed beyond the limit. A deep sea fishing trip. Battle a few "monsters" and all the stress seems to disappear.

[alkemical]

Did you ever fight Chutulu?

[Hotrod]

Hey Hotrod, Ya know what always works for me when I'm stressed beyond the limit. A deep sea fishing trip. Battle a few "monsters" and all the stress seems to disappear.

I've only been deep sea fishing once back in March 07. Had a blast but only caught one fish. The best part of the day was drinking beer watching the land lovers (I still had my sea legs from my years in the Navy) puke over board. The ship captain was encouraging them to continue to "chum" for me Ha!

Actually I'm thinking long & hard about a trip to Denver and up the hill for alittle poker weekend.

[Spider]

I've only been deep sea fishing once back in March 07. Had a blast but only caught one fish. The best part of the day was drinking beer watching the land lovers (I still had my sea legs from my years in the Navy) puke over board. The ship captain was encouraging them to continue to "chum" for me Ha!

Actually I'm thinking long & hard about a trip to Denver and up the hill for alittle poker weekend. so you was the one pointing and laughing at me ;D

I get sea sick on a water bed

[TailgateNut]

I've only been deep sea fishing once back in March 07. Had a blast but only caught one fish. The best part of the day was drinking beer watching the land lovers (I still had my sea legs from my years in the Navy) puke over board. The ship captain was encouraging them to continue to "chum" for me Ha!

Actually I'm thinking long & hard about a trip to Denver and up the hill for alittle poker weekend.

I'm due for at least two trips this year. One off the coast of Va in late april and another in the Gulf of Mexico in July. Can't wait to get my "sea legs" workin'.

Your poker idea isn't to shabby.


Here's a shot of my last trip 'bout seven miles off the coast of Venezuela. Beautiful water and some tasty fish!;D

[baja]

Thats the thing about the "love" question. I love her with all my heart and soul. Simply put she my best friend. In all honesty those facts just make everything that was done worse. Then add in a little "Im not sure what I want" when given the option to fix the issue.

on the other hand I dont want to live the rest of my life wondering "is she really working late" "is it a real meeting in whereever" blah blah blah.



Then professional help is the next step. A good theripist can guide you both to clearify what you want to do next. Getting drunk might be OK once or twice but clearly it is no long term solution. Modern day relatationship councelers can help a grear deal at this crutial time. Seeking advice from your friends is OK but please consider professional guideance there is too much at stake not to.

[alkemical]

Then professional help is the next step. A good theripist can guide you both to clearify what you want to do next. Getting drunk might be OK once or twice but clearly it is no long term solution. Modern day relatationship councelers can help a grear deal at this crutial time. Seeking advice from your friends is OK but please consider professional guideance there is too much at stake not to.

Did you know, MDMA was used as marriage counseling therapy in the 60's?

i'm not telling hotrod that he and his wife need to go do some X - lol -

[Hotrod]

I'm due for at least two trips this year. One off the coast of Va in late april and another in the Gulf of Mexico in July. Can't wait to get my "sea legs" workin'.

Your poker idea isn't to shabby.


Here's a shot of my last trip 'bout seven miles off the coast of Venezuela. Beautiful water and some tasty fish!;D

I miss the ocean.

[Hotrod]

Did you know, MDMA was used as marriage counseling therapy in the 60's?

i'm not telling hotrod that he and his wife need to go do some X - lol -

I took a shot of Jack last night when I got home. Then I poured a second one, looked at it and tossed it down the sink, went and played with my son. I'll do my drinking later.

[TailgateNut]

I miss the ocean.

That's why I said it's a way to "get away from it all" once the shoreline disappears from view, so do your worries (at least for a while). As they say, a bad day fishin' is better than a good day workin'.

[alkemical]

I took a shot of Jack last night when I got home. Then I poured a second one, looked at it and tossed it down the sink, went and played with my son. I'll do my drinking later.

I'm a big fan of whiskey and amaretto sours :)

[W*GS]

look dickhead , take it any way you want

Obviously, you take it from your wife - via strap-on.

[Hotrod]

Thanks for all the well wishs

Were trying to work thru somethings and see where we are.

[bronclvr]

Glad to hear it!

[Spider]

Obviously, you take it from your wife - via strap-on.

are you begging for pictures ?

[TailgateNut]

Good to hear things may work out.

[Ninjafied]

For what its worth, I suggest taking the time and figuring out what you each want/need from a relationship together – that is if you can. Try to stick it out and commit to counseling b/c the end-game of divorce really sucks. Sounds like you need to find out if you can ever trust her again and that’s going to take a lot of time, even more so if you’re ever getting back to where you two were.
You are going to have a ton of ups and downs emotionally – don’t act on a single impulse but rather figure out the trend. You’ll also likely mature as a person (makes sense as this is one of those life changing events). I know a lot of people here recommend a little snuggle with the bottle, but turning into a drunk isn’t going to help. You’ll just say stuff you could regret or possibly make a bad choice that you wouldn’t have made otherwise. Maybe try to find a hobby that helps you clear your head as an alternative. Take one or two short trips if you can and get away from the stress. It’s one of those most important choices you’re ever going to have to make; try to do it with a clear head.

If it’s not going to work out you need to do a few things:
Get a great lawyer
Don’t get the kid involved in fights – but force both of you to family counseling. If either one of you is acting irrational it won’t help if the other points this out, so get a professional to do it. You’re about to be enemies and will need a mediator for the child.
You also might think about getting a legal arbitrator, but that depends on how many $$$s are at stake.
Once you file get it over with ASAP. Lawyers love to drag out the case b/c they get paid by the hour. But the longer it drags out the longer you and your family get f***ed with emotionally. Try asking your lawyer how much he’d make on a case your size at the end of the day; then offer to pay him and your wife’s lawyer a flat fee (if you can). Paying a bit more here is worth your sanity. Plus you’ll be surprised how quickly they get the case resolved so they can move on to the next.
Hope that helps and good luck,

[Hotrod]

Well its over

**** **** **** ****

I really hate women right now

**** **** **** ****

[alkemical]

*buys hotrod a beer*

[Hotrod]

I should and prolly did know that it was done. We tried but once things are a certain amount of ****ed up its just not going to happen.

****

[alkemical]

*buys hotrod a shot*

[Hotrod]

*buys hotrod a shot*

LOL now were talking

[Hotrod]

We were together for 14 1/2 years....married for 10 1/2

I used to laugh at the statistics that showed most marriages fail. I always thought there is no way on this earth anything would ever come between us. We were the couple all our friends admired. I guess never say never.....

[Beantown Bronco]

*buys hotrod 30 seconds with Eliot Spitzer's "girlfriend"*

[alkemical]

Hotrod, i was thinking on taking a detour in amsterdam - wanna come?!

[Hotrod]

Hotrod, i was thinking on taking a detour in amsterdam - wanna come?!

I think Im gonna have to pass on that one :)

[Hotrod]

*buys hotrod 30 seconds with Eliot Spitzer's "girlfriend"*

great now I'm client #10 Ha!

[alkemical]

I think Im gonna have to pass on that one :)


Bah, its like disney land!

[TailgateNut]

Bah, its like disney land!

It's like Narlins, just a lot less inhibited.:~ohyah!:

Sorry about the news Hotrod. I did it 14 years ago and all is well.

[Blueflame]

Sorry to hear that you guys weren't able to work things out, Hotrod. :(

[Rigs11]

That sucks dude.Hang in there man. Come down to colorado and we'll hit the strip clubs8')

[baja]

For what its worth, I suggest taking the time and figuring out what you each want/need from a relationship together – that is if you can. Try to stick it out and commit to counseling b/c the end-game of divorce really sucks. Sounds like you need to find out if you can ever trust her again and that’s going to take a lot of time, even more so if you’re ever getting back to where you two were.
You are going to have a ton of ups and downs emotionally – don’t act on a single impulse but rather figure out the trend. You’ll also likely mature as a person (makes sense as this is one of those life changing events). I know a lot of people here recommend a little snuggle with the bottle, but turning into a drunk isn’t going to help. You’ll just say stuff you could regret or possibly make a bad choice that you wouldn’t have made otherwise. Maybe try to find a hobby that helps you clear your head as an alternative. Take one or two short trips if you can and get away from the stress. It’s one of those most important choices you’re ever going to have to make; try to do it with a clear head.

If it’s not going to work out you need to do a few things:
Get a great lawyer
Don’t get the kid involved in fights – but force both of you to family counseling. If either one of you is acting irrational it won’t help if the other points this out, so get a professional to do it. You’re about to be enemies and will need a mediator for the child.
You also might think about getting a legal arbitrator, but that depends on how many $$$s are at stake.
Once you file get it over with ASAP. Lawyers love to drag out the case b/c they get paid by the hour. But the longer it drags out the longer you and your family get ****ed with emotionally. Try asking your lawyer how much he’d make on a case your size at the end of the day; then offer to pay him and your wife’s lawyer a flat fee (if you can). Paying a bit more here is worth your sanity. Plus you’ll be surprised how quickly they get the case resolved so they can move on to the next.
Hope that helps and good luck,

Excellent post - great advice.

It's posts like this one that make the mane a great site and so much more that just a football BB

[baja]

Just read Hotrods following post - so sorry for you and your family dude.

So the second half of Ninjas post is very good advice...

INinjafied - If it’s not going to work out you need to do a few things:
Get a great lawyer
Don’t get the kid involved in fights – but force both of you to family counseling. If either one of you is acting irrational it won’t help if the other points this out, so get a professional to do it. You’re about to be enemies and will need a mediator for the child.
You also might think about getting a legal arbitrator, but that depends on how many $$$s are at stake.
Once you file get it over with ASAP. Lawyers love to drag out the case b/c they get paid by the hour. But the longer it drags out the longer you and your family get ****ed with emotionally. Try asking your lawyer how much he’d make on a case your size at the end of the day; then offer to pay him and your wife’s lawyer a flat fee (if you can). Paying a bit more here is worth your sanity. Plus you’ll be surprised how quickly they get the case resolved so they can move on to the next.
Hope that helps and good luck,

[Hotrod]

Well if I ever get the urge to date again I think I'll just buy a plant instead. :)

[alkemical]

Nah, it's all good hotrod. Here's another beer

[Spider]

Well if I ever get the urge to date again I think I'll just buy a plant instead. :)

well I was thinking along the lines of a big titty bubble headed blonde ....... ;D
\

[BMF Bronco]

Sorry bro, that's ****ing ****ty all the way around. If you need to talk, I will offer an ear. I would give advise but after 3 years of divorce I am still trying to figure out what the **** happened. But like I said man, I have a shoulder you can lean on.

[Florida_Bronco]

Sorry to hear that Hotrod. If you ever get to Florida I have a 30ft cabin cruiser, be more than happy to take you out into the Gulf and do some fishing.

[Hotrod]

Sorry bro, that's ****ing ****ty all the way around. If you need to talk, I will offer an ear. I would give advise but after 3 years of divorce I am still trying to figure out what the **** happened. But like I said man, I have a shoulder you can lean on.

I just cant get past that I've been with this woman my whole adult life. I dont know how to be single. I have no idea what its like, what to do, where to go etc....

I just feel completely lost right now. Coming home to an empty house (when my son is not with me) is going to be strange.

[Hotrod]

Sorry to hear that Hotrod. If you ever get to Florida I have a 30ft cabin cruiser, be more than happy to take you out into the Gulf and do some fishing.

You never know boss......maybe someday I'll take you up on that.

[BMF Bronco]

I just cant get past that I've been with this woman my whole adult life. I dont know how to be single. I have no idea what its like, what to do, where to go etc....

I just feel completely lost right now. Coming home to an empty house (when my son is not with me) is going to be strange.

I totally understand. The empty house sucks ass, horribly, buy a fish, a turtle, a dog, something that will keep you company, believe me, as ****ing stupid as it may sounds, it definitely helps you keep your sanity. Surround yourself with friends, get hobbies, stay busy. It's that whole "Idle hands" theory, it was definitely my downfall.

As far as being single, it's a time to find yourself bro. Time to build on the relationship with you, because that's what is needed, as well as building on that relationship with your little man. I can attest to you that my daughter was definitely my saving grace through my whole ****ty experience and still is.

[Hotrod]

I guess its all just starting to hit me. Shes the one who has fooled around and now has a boyfriend (atleast I highly suspect). I guess what I'm saying is because she did the things shes done shes already got a plan. Shes all set up to move on and has all her ducks in a row. While Im sitting here with nothing. Just kinda getting left behind. Hand in my pockets completly unprepaired. Just blindsided and being left behind.

****

[BMF Bronco]

Nah, you still have you, you have your kid, you have plenty my friend. It will all work out, trust me.

[Florida_Bronco]

HotRod, you need to get yourself looking nice and go out to hit on some hot younger women. You don't even have to go beyond the flirting, but it'll help to remind yourself you're a mother****in' stud! :strong:

Considering joining a gym, it's a great way to blow off stress and you'll get yourself looking good and healthier. I can tell you from experience that taking out your frustrations on the bench press is a great thing.

[theAPAOps5]

I guess its all just starting to hit me. Shes the one who has fooled around and now has a boyfriend (atleast I highly suspect). I guess what I'm saying is because she did the things shes done shes already got a plan. Shes all set up to move on and has all her ducks in a row. While Im sitting here with nothing. Just kinda getting left behind. Hand in my pockets completly unprepaired. Just blindsided and being left behind.

****

Hotrod in the long run this won't be the case. You got left high and dry but you will pick yourself up off the floor and move on. There will be bad days, angry days, then you will have a good day and then another. Pretty soon they all will be good again.

For your ex. She has a boyfriend and a plan that was done in mistrust. It won't last and her plan will crumble and fall apart and whatever she has found in this trist will soon be realized that it was just the passion of the moment. Then she will be left wondering what did I do.

The point is don't look at her and think lucky her. Think to yourself how unlucky she is. She is going to hit the reality wall hard and fast someday. Probably about the time you start to get those string of good days when things look so bright and you can look back and see what happened with a clear mind. Then you will say to yourself. You know I was right in our relationship I stayed faithful and while we had our issues I never strayed, I HAVE MY SELF RESPECT. Who's the lucky one now then?

[Hotrod]

Hotrod in the long run this won't be the case. You got left high and dry but you will pick yourself up off the floor and move on. There will be bad days, angry days, then you will have a good day and then another. Pretty soon they all will be good again.

For your ex. She has a boyfriend and a plan that was done in mistrust. It won't last and her plan will crumble and fall apart and whatever she has found in this trist will soon be realized that it was just the passion of the moment. Then she will be left wondering what did I do.

The point is don't look at her and think lucky her. Think to yourself how unlucky she is. She is going to hit the reality wall hard and fast someday. Probably about the time you start to get those string of good days when things look so bright and you can look back and see what happened with a clear mind. Then you will say to yourself. You know I was right in our relationship I stayed faithful and while we had our issues I never strayed, I HAVE MY SELF RESPECT. Who's the lucky one now then?

What is really sick and twisted is this is exactly what I expect to happen. I know the guy and hes a white trash clown. I know her better then anyone and shes going to get burned. Yet that idea makes me sad. I wont be there to protect her when it happens. I know that at this point its not my problem but it still sucks.

[theAPAOps5]

Its sad but its her choice. She made her bed now she has to lie in it. You can be sad for her and pitty what is going to happen. Just don't let it make you feel like less of a person for it.

[CBF1]

D,
Sorry to hear about this. I went thru it 3 years ago, So I can speak with experience. Right now the night time is your enemy. Your mind will wander all night long, but when you wake up, it gets better. After some time, the nights get easier and the days get better.

Do not wonder what happened, or if there was anything you could have done better... It just does not matter. Move on, it will take some time, But you will get to know yourself again, it that is a great realization.

Call me if you ever want to talk.

Dimitri

[alkemical]

Hotrod,

I will say one thing to you: Feel what you need to feel, but don't hold onto it. Understand that the universe is full of irony, laugh. Sometimes the only thing you can do is laugh, and move on.

It's not that the situation is funny in a ha-ha way. But there might be something worth laughing bout.

[Spider]

What is really sick and twisted is this is exactly what I expect to happen. I know the guy and hes a white trash clown. I know her better then anyone and shes going to get burned. Yet that idea makes me sad. I wont be there to protect her when it happens. I know that at this point its not my problem but it still sucks.

I wasnt going to share this ,but I think I will it will help ....A very close friend of mine for over 20 years , had almost same thing happen to him 5 years ago , the slut had a boyfriend while still married to him ,he came home one day from work , she had all of his stuff packed, she wiped out their bank account , told him hit the bricks they had 2 daughters , well at first he was lost , but he was getting better and better as the days past , he met his current wife , and man is she awesome ,one hellva lady ....... one weekend he was picking up his girls for visitation , his ex started talking about getting back together **** like that , he told her exactly what he thought of her , and how he loves his new wife ...... 6 months later , his ex was living in a homeless shelter with the kids ,after the boyfriend kicked her out ...... he got custody of his kids , He was married to his first wife for 11 years ......

[theAPAOps5]

Spider in one of this most clean, understandable, and meaningful post has made a great point. This is a surreal moment and we must take it in and reflect for a moment............................................ .................................................. ..................................
.................................................. .................................................. ...........
Ah good stuff. Hmmmmmm

Ok back to his point. But the cheaters always ending up empty and bitter. The ones who are true and honest and faithful. They find another one who usually exceeds their expectations.

I watched my parents go through divorce when I was a kid. THey were a case of not what to do. I remember being 8 making notes. I didn't want to do anything over again. I wanted to marry once for life. Working great so far.

Now who are you Spider imposter and what have you done with our Spider.

[baja]

Spider in one of this most clean, understandable, and meaningful post has made a great point. This is a surreal moment and we must take it in and reflect for a moment............................................ .................................................. ..................................
.................................................. .................................................. ...........
Ah good stuff. Hmmmmmm

Ok back to his point. But the cheaters always ending up empty and bitter. The ones who are true and honest and faithful. They find another one who usually exceeds their expectations.

<b>Funny think is I watched it with my parents studied them. Learned what not to do so I only do it once. Its working great so far. </b>

Now who are you Spider imposter and what have you done with our Spider.

Speaking of unclear posts.

[theAPAOps5]

Edited and clarified.

[gunns]

The point is don't look at her and think lucky her. Think to yourself how unlucky she is.

Bingo! Believe it or not her actions had nothing to do with you. Perhaps she was feeling the midlife crunch and felt her youth return with another man. It's temporary and she will hit a brick wall. I don't know how many of my friends or friends wives did this and then came crawling back. That's where you don't want to make the mistake, taking her back. The most important thing you can do right now is learn to like being with yourself.

[Hotrod]

Thanks everyone

My freaking head hurts.

[alkemical]

* buys hotrod another beer*

[Traveler]

Hotrod,

As I mentioned early on in this thread, please don't turn what happened inward. What happened was done by her, not you.

As was mentioned by others, the day will come when she finds out the grass isn't as green as she thought. She will finally realize she had a good man and will approach you about a reconcilliation. Mark my words!

Do what you can to move forward, but also don't hold anything you are feeling inside. The day will come where you will get the chance to personally tell her how you were affected by this.

Chin up buddy!

[smalltowngrll]

What is really sick and twisted is this is exactly what I expect to happen. I know the guy and hes a white trash clown. I know her better then anyone and shes going to get burned. Yet that idea makes me sad. I wont be there to protect her when it happens. I know that at this point its not my problem but it still sucks.




You are a good man, Hotrod! Not many people would go through what you are going through and be able to make this statement! My heart goes out to you and I wish there were something I could say to ease the hurt and pain and all of the lost feelings you are going through!

The one thing I learned is that don't beat yourself up for going through all of those emotions. It's part of the process and you want to allow yourself to heal properly!

(Dang, where is that hug smiley again??)

[Spider]

Spider in one of this most clean, understandable, and meaningful post has made a great point. This is a surreal moment and we must take it in and reflect for a moment............................................ .................................................. ..................................
.................................................. .................................................. ...........
Ah good stuff. Hmmmmmm

Ok back to his point. But the cheaters always ending up empty and bitter. The ones who are true and honest and faithful. They find another one who usually exceeds their expectations.

I watched my parents go through divorce when I was a kid. THey were a case of not what to do. I remember being 8 making notes. I didn't want to do anything over again. I wanted to marry once for life. Working great so far.

Now who are you Spider imposter and what have you done with our Spider.

Bite my ass bitch ;D........ I wasnt going to share this story , when people tell me something , i keep it to myself , you would be surprised who confides in me , some of the people I nasty fights with on this board come to me in confidence that is what said in private will stay there .....

[c_lazy_r]

What is really sick and twisted is this is exactly what I expect to happen. I know the guy and hes a white trash clown. I know her better then anyone and shes going to get burned. Yet that idea makes me sad. I wont be there to protect her when it happens. I know that at this point its not my problem but it still sucks.

I know a guy named Guito...

[Breaker]

Never done it ... or the marriage thing either, but I did get some good advice from my uncle who got divorced. "When picking out who you are going to marry, make sure she is also the best possible ex-wife that you could possibly have"

[Hotrod]

Never done it ... or the marriage thing either, but I did get some good advice from my uncle who got divorced. "When picking out who you are going to marry, make sure she is also the best possible ex-wife that you could possibly have"

That might be a silver lining here. I have zero doubt that I could ask her to do almost anything and she would drop everything to help me out. Of course that could change as things heat up with the divorce. So far we have seen eye to eye on each and every issue. Thats good I guess. Hope it stays that way.

[ElwayMD]

That might be a silver lining here. I have zero doubt that I could ask her to do almost anything and she would drop everything to help me out. Of course that could change as things heat up with the divorce. So far we have seen eye to eye on each and every issue. Thats good I guess. Hope it stays that way.

Hope it stays that way...but it generally gets worse when it becomes more real. You might be on good terms at the moment, but it might change very quickly once the lawyers get involved...

[Hotrod]

So far we've kept lawyers completly out of this. We are hoping to figure everything out ourselves put it into writting and then hire someone to file the paperwork. I might just be stupid but I think we can work out all the details.

[ElwayMD]

[QUOTE=Hotrod;1916881]So far we've kept lawyers completly out of this. We are hoping to figure everything out ourselves put it into writting and then hire someone to file the paperwork. I might just be stupid but I think we can work out all the details.


Just make sure what you are writing is official according to the laws of your state or else all the time and effort will be worth nada.

[baja]

So far we've kept lawyers completly out of this. We are hoping to figure everything out ourselves put it into writting and then hire someone to file the paperwork. I might just be stupid but I think we can work out all the details.

I think there is a good chance you will end up back together and be happier than ever.

It sounds like you still love each other and that's a mightily powerful force.

At any rate I hope there is always wind in your sails.

[Hotrod]

I think there is a good chance you will end up back together and be happier than ever.

It sounds like you still love each other and that's a mightily powerful force.

At any rate I hope there is always wind in your sails.

I hate to say Im sorry Baja but that aint going to happen. She flipped out tonight and now its getting ugly.

Anyway to those that told me to get a lawyer.........I should have listened sooner. Wow a woman can certainly get mean in a hurry.

I guess I'll be looking for a good lawyer and an apartment tomarrow.

****

[Florida_Bronco]

I hate to say Im sorry Baja but that aint going to happen. She flipped out tonight and now its getting ugly.

Anyway to those that told me to get a lawyer.........I should have listened sooner. Wow a woman can certainly get mean in a hurry.

I guess I'll be looking for a good lawyer and an apartment tomarrow.

****

I hope I'm not being too nosey (and feel free to tell me if I am) but what did she flip out about?

You got our support bro. I think you're making the right choice about not getting back together. From my point of view, I could never be with someone who cheated on me without feeling very weird about it.

My advice, if it's not to late, is for YOU to file for divorce, and keep any and all proof of her infidelity, as those 2 things will gain you alot of leverage when it comes time to go to court.

Good luck and keep us updated. I'll fuel up the boat. :approve:

[theAPAOps5]

You are right in this Hotrod she has no business to flip out. I told you as much in a PM.

[spdirty]

Man Im sorry bro. I know the feeling of betrayal, trust me on that. Not cheating, but I spent a night in jail and went through thousands of dollars and a ton of stress cuz of her lieing ass.

Just know this. When the war (divorce) is final, and you have time to reflect, know in your heart that you were right and true to the marriage. Ive never met you, but I have no doubt that you did every possible thing to make the marriage work. And in time you can sleep well knowing that.

And remember the reference I gave you. There is another wonderful lawyer that my sister used for her divorce. She is a real bltch and will tear your wife a new ass hole on the stand during temporary and permanent orders. Ill give you her info if you want.

Another thing. There is a saying that is soooooo true. I found this saying to be true in such a wonderful way yesterday. What goes around comes around the wheel keeps turning.

[Hotrod]

I hope I'm not being too nosey (and feel free to tell me if I am) but what did she flip out about?

You got our support bro. I think you're making the right choice about not getting back together. From my point of view, I could never be with someone who cheated on me without feeling very weird about it.

My advice, if it's not to late, is for YOU to file for divorce, and keep any and all proof of her infidelity, as those 2 things will gain you alot of leverage when it comes time to go to court.

Good luck and keep us updated. I'll fuel up the boat. :approve:

She actually told me she was going out to dinner/drinks tonight with assface and some other friends. (we were still somewhat trying....atleast talking about working on things)

I told her well thats it no turning back were 100% done. She was actually surprised WTF

I've gone way above and beyond what any man would have.....I was never very sure I could forgive her but was willing to try........NOT ANYMORE

[Hotrod]

Man Im sorry bro. I know the feeling of betrayal, trust me on that. Not cheating, but I spent a night in jail and went through thousands of dollars and a ton of stress cuz of her lieing ass.

Just know this. When the war (divorce) is final, and you have time to reflect, know in your heart that you were right and true to the marriage. Ive never met you, but I have no doubt that you did every possible thing to make the marriage work. And in time you can sleep well knowing that.

And remember the reference I gave you. There is another wonderful lawyer that my sister used for her divorce. She is a real bltch and will tear your wife a new a-hole on the stand during temporary and permanent orders. Ill give you her info if you want.

Another thing. There is a saying that is soooooo true. I found this saying to be true in such a wonderful way yesterday. What goes around comes around the wheel keeps turning.

Whats really strange is she got mad and walked out with an overnight bag (wanna guess where she was going?)

anyway on her way out the door she said "I know another way to get your name off the mortgage"

??? wtf does that mean???

[baja]

Do you have a place yet because it's time

[theAPAOps5]

Do you want to go over to his house and **** on his doorstep. I will go with you. I am working overnights so I get the squirts. It would be really messy and really funny. Yeah totally childish but damn what do you say to a big turd and pile of runy crap on your doorstep.

You can smile and know that this douche has to clean up YOUR ****.

[theAPAOps5]

http://blochchapleau.com/mensrights.asp

I always hear about these guys on the radio.

[Hotrod]

Do you want to go over to his house and **** on his doorstep. I will go with you. I am working overnights so I get the squirts. It would be really messy and really funny. Yeah totally childish but damn what do you say to a big turd and pile of runy crap on your doorstep.

You can smile and know that this douche has to clean up YOUR ****.

Nope I dont have any desire to do anything to him.....Hes getting all the hell he deserves by taking in a cheating/mental woman.

I almost feel sorry for that sucker. He has no freaking idea what hes getting :giggle:

[spdirty]

Whats really strange is she got mad and walked out with an overnight bag (wanna guess where she was going?)

anyway on her way out the door she said "I know another way to get your name off the mortgage"

??? wtf does that mean???

You have got to strike now dude. I'm telling you. No more f@cking around. Get a lawyer, get it filed, and get the ball rolling.

That cow (I don't know her, but I'm sorry, she is) has something up her sleeve, and if you don't outsmart her, you are going to get screwed dude.

You have got to understand that now its war! And you have got to win this. You have worked your ass off I'm sure, but you have got to stop thinking with your heart and start thinking with your head. I know its tough, I've been there. But trust me hotrod, the benefit i had when my situation started was my family thought with their heads while I sulked. And because we outsmarted her, I got the house, I got my name off our company so she doesn't have a claim to that, and now she has to figure out how to make it with no more alimony, and $324 a month in child support. My ex is eventually gonna slip up, and Ill be there when she does.

And please pleas please PLEASE, do not lay a finger on her. If you can, get her to lay a hand on you thenn call the cops right away. I know its sinister, but you have got to outsmart her ass now. I really want you to come out of this man. Just so sick and tired of these womenwho think they know it all and can do whatever they want and get away with it. You need to beat her at her own game. And you can, I'm telling you. You just have to think with your head.

[Hotrod]

You have got to strike now dude. I'm telling you. No more f@cking around. Get a lawyer, get it filed, and get the ball rolling.

That cow (I don't know her, but I'm sorry, she is) has something up her sleeve, and if you don't outsmart her, you are going to get screwed dude.

You have got to understand that now its war! And you have got to win this. You have worked your ass off I'm sure, but you have got to stop thinking with your heart and start thinking with your head. I know its tough, I've been there. But trust me hotrod, the benefit i had when my situation started was my family thought with their heads while I sulked. And because we outsmarted her, I got the house, I got my name off our company so she doesn't have a claim to that, and now she has to figure out how to make it with no more alimony, and $324 a month in child support. My ex is eventually gonna slip up, and Ill be there when she does.

And please pleas please PLEASE, do not lay a finger on her. If you can, get her to lay a hand on you thenn call the cops right away. I know its sinister, but you have got to outsmart her ass now. I really want you to come out of this man. Just so sick and tired of these womenwho think they know it all and can do whatever they want and get away with it. You need to beat her at her own game. And you can, I'm telling you. You just have to think with your head.

I hear you (for the most part) I wont hit her ever but wont bait her either. What I will be doing is opening a new checking account tomarrow morning. I'd hire a lawyer also but I doubt any are open tomarrow. I will also be looking for an apartment or house to rent.

Whats nuts is I was going to walk away from the house and let her have it. There is probebly somewhere around 75-90K in equity. I was going to let her have it.....not now. Now I'll let the lawyers figure it out (would assume sell or she can pay me 1/2 of the equity). We had verbally agreed to split custody of my son hopefully that plays out atleast like that.

[Hotrod]

Im still really worried about what she ment by "I know another way to get you off the mortgage" wtf is that???

Make a false police report...that would not do it

Knock me off???

wtf

prolly just a mental break down on her end

[theAPAOps5]

Nope I dont have any desire to do anything to him.....Hes getting all the hell he deserves by taking in a cheating/mental woman.

I almost feel sorry for that sucker. He has no freaking idea what hes getting :giggle:

I know buddy I was trying to make you smile.

[theAPAOps5]

Don't worry about it she was just being spitful. Contact an attorney that only works with men. Then see if they have a woman Lawyer. She will be your best asset. She only helps men but thinks like a woman and fight with a woman on her level.

[spdirty]

Im still really worried about what she ment by "I know another way to get you off the mortgage" wtf is that???

Make a false police report...that would not do it

Knock me off???

wtf

prolly just a mental break down on her end

Its just bullshlt to try to make you sweat.

[Hotrod]

I know buddy I was trying to make you smile.

:)

Im oddly feeling just fine with the whole thing. :sunshine:

[Hotrod]

Don't worry about it she was just being spitful. Contact an attorney that only works with men. Then see if they have a woman Lawyer. She will be your best asset. She only helps men but thinks like a woman and fight with a woman on her level.

Oddly there is a female attorney here that multipule people have told me to make sure I get and she does not. Supposedly shes the best and fights for mens rights harder then others...

[Northman]

She actually told me she was going out to dinner/drinks tonight with assface and some other friends. (we were still somewhat trying....atleast talking about working on things)

I told her well thats it no turning back were 100% done. She was actually surprised WTF

I've gone way above and beyond what any man would have.....I was never very sure I could forgive her but was willing to try........NOT ANYMORE


WOW

She would actually think its ok to hang out with "him" and try to work your marriage out? She is a lunatic and i feel for you man. You might be wise to get a lawyer because she is in the wrong here and it would help you down the road with alimoney.

[spdirty]

I hear you (for the most part) I wont hit her ever but wont bait her either.

Yeah your a good man.

What I will be doing is opening a new checking account tomarrow morning. I'd hire a lawyer also but I doubt any are open tomarrow. I will also be looking for an apartment or house to rent.

Whats nuts is I was going to walk away from the house and let her have it. There is probebly somewhere around 75-90K in equity. I was going to let her have it.....not now. Now I'll let the lawyers figure it out (would assume sell or she can pay me 1/2 of the equity). We had verbally agreed to split custody of my son hopefully that plays out atleast like that.

good. When you go to mediation it is pretty much gonna be the most important game of poker in your life. You have to know when to hold firm and when to give in. Maybe split the equity in the house with no alimony and split custody of your son. I hope she has a decent job, so your maintenance and child support payments aren't that tough.

[spdirty]

Oddly there is a female attorney here that multipule people have told me to make sure I get and she does not. Supposedly shes the best and fights for mens rights harder then others...

wonderful. Get her.

[Hotrod]

WOW

She would actually think its ok to hang out with "him" and try to work your marriage out? She is a lunatic and i feel for you man. You might be wise to get a lawyer because she is in the wrong here and it would help you down the road with alimoney.

It was the strangest thing I've ever seen. It sure made making a final decission pretty easy.

[Northman]

It was the strangest thing I've ever seen. It sure made making a final decission pretty easy.


Yea, no doubt. If there is one thing i cant tolerate is infidelity. And if my wife ever said that she was going to remain friends with her boy toy i wouldnt even think twice about leaving. And i would drag her name in the mud like crazy in the courtroom. NO MERCY.

[baja]

Hotrod where do you think you would like to live, what kind of place, what part of town? What's your dream place?

[theAPAOps5]

East Colfax or Federal. He likes to roll dirty.

[baja]

Living downtown could be nice great night life.

[theAPAOps5]

Downtown is for amature new to life kids. 21 - 26.

Look to the highlands, or on the skirts of Cherry Creek. Much more chill yet active lifestyle going on. Downtown is just not what I would recommend to Hotrod.

[Hotrod]

Hotrod where do you think you would like to live, what kind of place, what part of town? What's your dream place?

I love exactly where I am. SW Colorado. Not much choice of part of town its pretty small :)

Honestly thats one reason I wanted her to get the house and property. It would tie her here more to avoid her leaving and trying to take my son back to Denver where she is originally from

[Northman]

Downtown is for amature new to life kids. 21 - 26.

Look to the highlands, or on the skirts of Cherry Creek. Much more chill yet active lifestyle going on. Downtown is just not what I would recommend to Hotrod.


What is Aurora like these days? Back in my day it was a nice place to live.

[Hotrod]

East Colfax or Federal. He likes to roll dirty.

LOL

Im more of an upscale kinda guy like the gov of NY :pimp:

[Florida_Bronco]

Hotrod I've been meaning to ask, are you SURE she was cheating? It almost sounds like she has come clean about it, but I just wanted to make sure we weren't going off and giving you advice without the facts.

[theAPAOps5]

Thats right you are in my friends old stomping ground. Damn I would hold onto the house property there is still a premium with the Texans taking over that ski area.

[baja]

My favorite part of Colorado is the San Juan mountains, around Ridgway. So beautiful there and still not too populated. You anywhere near there?

[Hotrod]

Hotrod I've been meaning to ask, are you SURE she was cheating? It almost sounds like she has come clean about it, but I just wanted to make sure we weren't going off and giving you advice without the facts.


well depends on whos opinon of cheating you want.

If by running around behind my back to see him. Sneaking off (lying about going to the store) to get to his house. Kissing him on more then one occassion. Taking his calls in the other room. Taking him out for dinner/luch or drinks on my dime. And all that is just what shes admitted

Then yes IMO she has.....

In her opinon she was just "having a friend who gave her support in our time of trouble"

[Hotrod]

My favorite part of Colorado is the San Juan mountains, around Ridgway. So beautiful there and still not too populated. You anywhere near there?

Very close in Gunnison

[baja]

In her opinon she was just "having a friend who gave her support in our time of trouble"

Have you considered that may be the simple truth?

[Northman]

In her opinon she was just "having a friend who gave her support in our time of trouble"

Whenever you have to sneak around to see a friend thats a problem. Good for you man.

[Hotrod]

Have you considered that may be the simple truth?

I did and wanted to belive it very much. You just dont kiss repeatedly and sneak around to see another man.

Add in a few weeks ago I told her he had to go (after finding out she had kissed him more then once.

She said she did. Then she she mopped around the house for a week. When I asked her what was going on she said "I'm having a hard time getting over him"

**** that

[baja]

Very close in Gunnison

Gunnison, I drive through there all the time, well couple times a year most years. Very nice town. Don't know if I could handle the cold though.

[theAPAOps5]

She is emotionally cheating at the very least. Sometimes thats the worst. She must be crazy Gunnison is a small town that is a gossip fest. My friend hated that part.

[Hotrod]

She is emotionally cheating at the very least. Sometimes thats the worst. She must be crazy Gunnison is a small town that is a gossip fest. My friend hated that part.

Thats how she got caught.

[L.A. BRONCOS FAN]

Check your PM, Hotrod.

[Hotrod]

Check your PM, Hotrod.

Thanks man

[Hotrod]

What is really strange is its 11:15 pm here and I know shes out being all over dumbass as I sit here....and it really does not bother me.

I think all the BS shes pulled with him over the last few months has hardend my heart so much that I really dont feel anything over it.

[theAPAOps5]

I still want to poop on his doorstep.

[Hotrod]

I still want to poop on his doorstep.

LOL you and me both

Well today were atleast talking to each other like adults. I'm going to find an apartment or house to rent this week and well thats as far as I am right now.

Had a frined call me today who saw her at the bar last night. Said she actually was just really sad and while the other guy was there she spent the whole night talking with girlfriends. He never saw them together doing anything at all. I'm very confused........

She rolled in here around 3am saying she was sorry and blah blah blah. I still slept in the other bedroom.

I'm on a emotional roller coaster right now. She did come home thats something. I guess for now I'm going to go ahead with plans to move out and see where we end up down the road.

[theAPAOps5]

she came from being with him. Your friend called and said they may not have togther but they were there together. I would get out of there as fast possible. Go rent one the apartments by the college. They are cheap.

[theAPAOps5]

Also my friend kept telling me of this girl who worked out at the airport who liked to have great sex no strings attached. Do you want her number? ;D

[Northman]

What is really strange is its 11:15 pm here and I know shes out being all over dumbass as I sit here....and it really does not bother me.

I think all the BS shes pulled with him over the last few months has hardend my heart so much that I really dont feel anything over it.


I can understand that.

[Northman]

LOL you and me both

Well today were atleast talking to each other like adults. I'm going to find an apartment or house to rent this week and well thats as far as I am right now.

Had a frined call me today who saw her at the bar last night. Said she actually was just really sad and while the other guy was there she spent the whole night talking with girlfriends. He never saw them together doing anything at all. I'm very confused........

She rolled in here around 3am saying she was sorry and blah blah blah. I still slept in the other bedroom.

I'm on a emotional roller coaster right now. She did come home thats something. I guess for now I'm going to go ahead with plans to move out and see where we end up down the road.

I think part of that reason is that she knows people see her as a deceitful woman which speaks of her character. And if your city is small as you claim her reputation is probably pretty destroyed right now and thats the part that is clawing at her. She may still like that chap she has been hanging around with but its probably eating at her that she handled it in a very poor way. Unfortuantely, i think your doing the right thing as you (at least for the moment) will send a message that you will not tolerate what she did in any way. And she needs to know that.

[TailgateNut]

Do what I did when I was waiting for the mandetory 1 yr separation period
( req in Va.) to end. I bought a 24' Sea Ray OV cruiser. One weekend when she came over to get my son for her visitation, she asked my "What's that down a the dock?"
I told her " It's your replacement". :spit: Although boat upkeep is expensive and a headache at times, I didn't compare.ROFL!

[theAPAOps5]

You should have named it the SS Anything you want Dear.

[spdirty]

I wouldnt get an apartment. Id throw her shlt out and make her get one. She is the one at fault, not you! Just pisses me off how women get away with that shlt.

[theAPAOps5]

I wouldn't at this point let that money get away from you in the house.