alkemical
09-12-2007, 10:09 PM
First Lady to Have Smile Surgically Removed (http://www.thespeciousreport.com/news.aspx?newsnum=7070052)
First Lady to Have Smile Surgically Removed
Washington, DC | Laura Bush will undergo routine outpatient surgery today to relieve pressure on nerves in her neck, responsible for the adoring but vacant grin she wears whenever in the presence of her husband, President George W. Bush.
This will be the second time the procedure, known as de-Desmondification (named for the Sunset Boulevard character "Norma Desmond" immortalized by Gloria Swanson), has been performed on a first lady. Nancy Reagan required seven hours of nerve un-pinching in 1989 to remove the Rictus of Office from her face.
“You simply can’t grin that much adulation out of your face and expect those nerves to remain healthy,” explained Commander Patricia D. Horoho, of the Walter Reed Health Care System. “The first lady has worn the exact same smile of frozen devotion for more than seven years now. The Platysma and Triangularis muscles have completely atrophied from lack of use in any other expression but blank, almost retarded bliss.”
The operation will take place at Walter Reed Army Medical Center, where all surgical schedules have been cleared to accommodate the first lady. “We don’t have much going on around here these days, what with 'The Surge' being so successful,” Dr. Horoho said.
The First Lady will follow up the procedure with at least one year of therapy, and is expected to make a full recovery by January of 2009.
First Lady to Have Smile Surgically Removed
Washington, DC | Laura Bush will undergo routine outpatient surgery today to relieve pressure on nerves in her neck, responsible for the adoring but vacant grin she wears whenever in the presence of her husband, President George W. Bush.
This will be the second time the procedure, known as de-Desmondification (named for the Sunset Boulevard character "Norma Desmond" immortalized by Gloria Swanson), has been performed on a first lady. Nancy Reagan required seven hours of nerve un-pinching in 1989 to remove the Rictus of Office from her face.
“You simply can’t grin that much adulation out of your face and expect those nerves to remain healthy,” explained Commander Patricia D. Horoho, of the Walter Reed Health Care System. “The first lady has worn the exact same smile of frozen devotion for more than seven years now. The Platysma and Triangularis muscles have completely atrophied from lack of use in any other expression but blank, almost retarded bliss.”
The operation will take place at Walter Reed Army Medical Center, where all surgical schedules have been cleared to accommodate the first lady. “We don’t have much going on around here these days, what with 'The Surge' being so successful,” Dr. Horoho said.
The First Lady will follow up the procedure with at least one year of therapy, and is expected to make a full recovery by January of 2009.