Your Life Rules

[Pendejo]

I know that most of the orangemane's regulars are the embodiment of physical and psychological health. So this thread is for us dirt bags. What are your rules for life?

I'll start.

Anytime you're having a party/gathering that is loud and raucous...ALWAYS ANSWER THE DOOR WITH PANTIES ON YOUR HEAD!!!
When the neighbors/Cops see you in that state their anger immediately abates. Panties on the head is the key.

Anyone else have any keys to fun?!!!

[worm]

A ascribe to the 3 'F's philosophy of life.

If it Floats, Flys, or ****s...rent it.

[Bronx33]

If it can be lit on fire (drink it) and use beer to put it out and always end with a WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

[Clockwork Orange]

Never get less than 12 hours sleep, never play cards with a guy who has the same name as a city and never go near a woman with a tattoo of a dagger anywhere on her body. You remember that and everything else is cream cheese.

I learned everything I needed to know from the basketball coach from Teen Wolf.

[watermock]

Damn you Moses...DAMN YOU TO HELL!

If your girl has doe eyes, don't believe she's on the pill. Insist you see her take them, take one to make sure they are not mints.

When you "Make it rain" don't be surprised when the ho's scramble for it and forget your amusement.

Don't buy a 300K Ferrari and expect the cops to just give you the thumbs up at 150 MPH.

Don't get pulled over for DUI and start insulting Jews.

Don't show your shaved hootch in public or shave your head while on oxycontin. Oh, and don't shave your balls. It just grows back thicker.

Before getting serious advice, ask if they stayed at a Holiday Express Inn the night before.

Never buy cheap keyboards or mousies. However, cannablizing obsolete equipment is fine. Just not the tower, monitor and that copy you got of Windows 85.

[orinjkrush]

never smoke 12 hours before flying, nor
drink within 50 feet of the airplane.

[Dagmar]

Don't take penicillin or you will die.

[STBumpkin]

never smoke 12 hours before flying, nor
drink within 50 feet of the airplane.

LOL

[RhymesayersDU]

Don't take penicillin or you will die.

hahah, for me I just break out in hives, but yeah, penicillin is bad stuff.

[epicSocialism4tw]

It's never too early to prepare emotionally for your first colonoscopy.

[gunns]

Don't think you and your girlfriend can give you a decent haircut while drinking Tequila. But the Tequila will help you sing Stair Way to Heaven so much better.

[DomCasual]

Location location location.

[Los Broncos]

tits, clits, bong hits.

[BroncoBuff]

Honesty. honesty, honesty.

[Pendejo]

Honesty. honesty, honesty.

Hah!!! Liar.

[watermock]

My father was a fine man. Self made millionaire all fair from nothing. Over two thousand in this small town came to his funeral.

He told me...He could stand just about anything but a Liar or a Thief.

He didn't preach at me at all. Usually it was a kick in ribs after a night on the town at 7 after I had gotten home at 5. Of course he knew it even tho we had a guest house.

here were two things he told me on his death bed." Look after your mother", and, because for several reasons bankrupcy was in the air. "It was a good run son...yes it was".

His very last words after he signed bankrupcy papers was to say "It's done"

I wasn't there I couldn't handle it and had left hours before bak to Denver. The manager said I turned ghost white. I dunno.

No big deal.

[Requiem]

If tha bitch don't blow she's gotta go.

[-Slap-]

Count your blessings.

[Bronco Billy]

It's never too early to prepare emotionally for your first colonoscopy.

Just as long as you're not physically preparing for one!

[Tredici]

As you climb the ladder of success
Don't let the boys
Look up your dress.

:curtsey:

[watermock]

When you see your doctor with rubber gloves run....run fast.

[Pendejo]

As you climb the ladder of success
Don't let the boys
Look up your dress.

:curtsey:

Honest?

[Rock Chalk]

Everyone is beneath you, make sure they know it.

[Rohirrim]

When you've got them by the balls
their minds will follow.

[BMF Bronco]

The world needs ditch diggers too!

[cutthemdown]

pop and drop and watch the dollars flow in.

[Tredici]

Honest?

Well I could've said:

Everything I needed to know in life I learned in kindergarten:

Boys are Stupid.



!Booya!

[Stormontheplains]

BEST ADVICE YOU WILL EVER GET:

Marry a women that LOVES YOU, Never marry a women YOUR IN LOVE WITH.

Got that from a guy who golfs(4 days a week), takes the kids to and from school, his wife is an engineer for IBM. He stated to me that his wife loves HIM dearly. He hasnt worked full time in 8 years.

[Moon§hiner]

Some days you're the bug... Some days you're the windshield

[baja]

Count your blessings.

That's a great one Slap.

I would say, "The Truth shall set you Free"

[Florida_Bronco]

"Better to be tried by 12 then carried by 6"

[cutthemdown]

A bird in the hand is worth 2 in the bush. My dad loved that one. And also the biggie, treat other people like you want to be treated.

[Stormontheplains]

Old School " Birds of the feather flock together"

Either Sh1t or get off the sh1tter

[Rock Chalk]

Remember, you are right and all those other dickwads are wrong. No exceptions.

[gunns]

treat other people like you want to be treated.

The Golden Rule and the most important.

[RhymesayersDU]

Remember, you are right and all those other dillwads are wrong. No exceptions.

Basically the main rule of the internet/message boards/etc.


We wouldn't have 12 page arguments without it!

[watermock]

The Golden rule is the best in the New Testament. It's also my favorite teaching in all of the Bible.

[-Slap-]

Don't **** where you eat.

[Clockwork Orange]

A couple my father taught me.

"The best way to avoid a bad situation is to avoid a bad situation."

"If you can't be rich, you might as well have fun."

[Moon§hiner]

Good friends should never discuss religion or politics.

[-Slap-]

**** the Raiders/Chiefs/Chargers.

[smalltowngrll]

My dad used to always tell me, "You can't trick the old tricker!"

Tell one lie, you'll have to tell five more to cover up the first lie and five more for every lie after that.

I learned young that lieing just wasn't worth it and I really sucked at it. Much better to tell the truth.

[bronco610]

Judge not lest you be Judged !

[smalltowngrll]

~Live each day as if it were your last.
~Never assume that another knows you love them; tell them often that you do.
~Forgive others even if they don't request it. Otherwise you'll grow old a bitter person.

[Clockwork Orange]

Don't start none, won't be none.

[BarefootKicker]

something about a cow and getting milk for free... I can't quite remember how it goes.

[cutthemdown]

something about a cow and getting milk for free... I can't quite remember how it goes.

Why buy the cow, when you can get the milk for free.

[Donk]

Stand like a man till the going gets tough.
Then turn and run like a dog!

[worm]

If you sleep wih dogs, you get fleas.

[Killericon]

Go Broncos!

[Clockwork Orange]

Why buy the cow, when you can get the milk for free.

Or as Al Bundy put it, "Why go out for milk when I've got a cow at home?" ;D

[smalltowngrll]

This life rule is one of my fav's...

Shake your booty....as long as there is a groove, you just have to shake it! :)

It's all about dancing... ;D

[RhymesayersDU]

Or as Al Bundy put it, "Why go out for milk when I've got a cow at home?" ;D

Psycho Dad, Psycho Dad!

[Popcorn Sutton]

Mom always told me I should never go outside without putting on sunblock.

[-Slap-]

Don't be an asshole, but I rarely listen.

[Clockwork Orange]

My father's favorite thing to say to me anytime I went anywhere was, "Act like you got some sense."

I say that to my own son now.

[Killericon]

You can put kittens in the oven, that don't make 'em biscuits!

[epicSocialism4tw]

I always liked this one:

"You have to be smarter than the (insert object here)."

My dad used to say that to me whenever we worked on anything.

[-Slap-]

"Don't just stand there with your thumb up your ass."

My uncle used to say that to me whenever we worked on anything. He was so great.

[Tredici]

Why buy the cow, when you can get the milk for free.

Why buy the pig when the little sausage is free.

[penguintheory]

Fight off your demons every day.

[No1BroncoFan]

Stand for what you believe or fall for what you're told.

Ben

[TailgateNut]

Here's one that I use as a motivator: "If you look like you don't have a job, you wont have one".

Here's another one which I believe is important: "Never ask anyone do do something you're not willing or able to do yourself".

[Rohirrim]

Why buy the pig when the little sausage is free.

Hey! Wait a minute...

[-Slap-]

Why buy the pig when the little sausage is free.

Sausage is easier to find than milk, too. We're practically giving it away.

[Sassy]

^5 Why buy the pig when the little sausage is free.