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listopencil
08-25-2006, 12:13 AM
...it was done shortly before the draft, I guess. Lots of good stuff:

Jay Cutler Aces Wonderlic While Blindfolded

INDIANAPOLIS--The amazing Jay Cutler, one of the greatest quarterbacks in football history, wowed scouts over the weekend by getting a perfect score on the Wonderlic exam while wearing a blindfold. It was the first ever perfect score on the test, but for Cutler, it was all in a day’s work.

“Ah, it was nothing. I just decided to do it blindfolded to get the attention of the scouts,” said Cutler. “I do amazing things like this every day. Once you’ll get to know me you’ll see that pretty much everything I do is perfect. Hell, I can play linebacker if they want. I can kick field goals. If someone gets injured, I can heal them - with my bare hands. Why do you think I rocketed up the draft board so fast?”

After taking the Wonderlic, Cutler returned to the football field and amazed more scouts with his superhuman skills. The highlight of his workout was a 90-yard perfect touchdown pass thrown while he was falling backwards to the ground. Immediately after the play, Cutler dropped down and did 100 push-ups.

“Whenever I score a touchdown or make some spectacular play, I always drop and do 100 right after it,” said Cutler. “I know it might seem kind of weird to certain Hollywood types and certain ‘athletic’ quarterbacks from Texas, but I guess I’m just cut from a different cloth. Oops. Look at the time. I’ve got to go to the gym and pump iron, then head over to the children’s hospital for my weekly visit. Then it’s off to my MENSA meeting.”

Cutler is a product of Vanderbilt University. Because of their small football program, he didn’t get the media attention that Matt Leinart and Vince Young did. Recently, however, his stock has soared and he's now projected as the second or third pick in the draft.

“Jay just came out of nowhere this year,” said one AFC scout. “He didn’t have an impressive record in college, but he has all the tools – strength, speed, intelligence, you name it. The fact that he aced that Wonderlic test without looking didn’t surprise me at all. I’m just surprised he even bothered taking it. Nobody here would dare question his intelligence, and if he got that impression, then we all owe him a big apology.”

The buzz around Jay Cutler is growing louder by the day, while the opposite is true for his two main rivals, Leinart and Young.

Even Leinart admitted, however, that Cutler was worthy of the hype.

“It’s hard to argue with all this hype,” Leinart told reporters at the combine. “He is amazing. I’ve never seen anything quite like him in my life. The funny thing is that he’s actually a really nice guy. I walked up to him yesterday all nervous and stuff and shook his hand. He was totally cool, you know, just a regular guy. He even talked to me for a few minutes. Of course I was a blubbering idiot the whole time. Man, I’m such a dork.”

Believe it or not, there are still some people who are not sold on Cutler. One, to be exact: Vince Young of the Texas Longhorns.

“I’m sorry I just don’t see it,” Young said yesterday. “OK so he’s got speed and agility and all that crap. Big deal. I’m a pretty good quarterback, too. Remember me? Rose Bowl? About a million total yards? Everybody saying I was the best quarterback they’d ever seen? Yea well I haven’t gone anywhere. I’m still here. Yes, I got a 6 on the Wonderlic on the first try, but then I took it again and got a 16. Of course, I wasn’t blindfolded at the time - but I did have my headphones on.”

Whichever team drafts Cutler will almost certainly be the favorite to win the Super Bowl next year and every year for the foreseeable future. That team could be the Tennessee Titans, which is just fine with Cutler.

“I’d love to play for the Titans,” he said. “Winning a dozen or so Super Bowls here in Tennessee would be terrific. The only thing I worry about is whether it will get boring for the fans to watch someone so flawless in every way. That could be a serious problem. I hope it doesn’t discourage the Titans from selecting me.”

Most observers have the Titans selecting Cutler, especially since Nashville city officials are already planning the 2007 Super Bowl parade.






http://thebrushback.com/Archives/cutler_full.htm

Lidderer
08-25-2006, 12:16 AM
Bronco Fan Drops Incumbent In Favour Of Guy Who Lost to East Kentucky Tech*

www.brushback.com/articles/031406/notareallink.html (http://f)

*=but has good tools!

Kaylore
08-25-2006, 12:18 AM
I read it before. They were kind of poking fun at how quickly his stock was rising then. I'm just going to sit back and watch the posts pour in of people who think this is real and react accordingly. ROFL!

ludo21
08-25-2006, 12:29 AM
Cutler shoud heal B Marsh. ;D

Taco John
08-25-2006, 12:31 AM
THat's nice to know about the healing with his bare hands.

We got a real steal.

Hercules Rockefeller
08-25-2006, 12:31 AM
Cutler shoud heal B Marsh. ;D

It's probably not a coincidence his initials are "JC"

Taco John
08-25-2006, 12:35 AM
The thing I worry about is that winning the Superbowl every year might get a little boring after the third one in a row.

Lidderer
08-25-2006, 12:37 AM
I worry that it'll get boring hearing about how our D faltered by allowing 42 points per game, thus preventing Cutler from proclaiming his well-deserved spot atop the throne.

Ballhawk
08-25-2006, 12:37 AM
Even Leinart admitted, however, that Cutler was worthy of the hype.

“It’s hard to argue with all this hype,” Leinart told reporters at the combine. “ He even talked to me for a few minutes. Of course I was a blubbering idiot the whole time. Man, I’m such a dork.”



I like how they throw in a few facts to make it seem like a real piece :wiggle:

enjolras
08-25-2006, 12:37 AM
It's probably not a coincidence his initials are "JC"
:rofl: !Booya!

Atlas
08-25-2006, 12:39 AM
I read it before. They were kind of poking fun at how quickly his stock was rising then. I'm just going to sit back and watch the posts pour in of people who think this is real and react accordingly. ROFL!

That was great can you believe Cutler actually took the test blindfolded?!?!?!?
He is obviously already better than Elway!!

azbroncfan
08-25-2006, 12:39 AM
Pretty funny article. I laughed pretty good. Seriously what will the Chief fans excuse be when Denvers wins another other than the cheated the cap argument???

Kaylore
08-25-2006, 12:40 AM
The thing I worry about is that winning the Superbowl every year might get a little boring after the third one in a row.
That's almost blasphemous. You don't think Cutler will be able to play in an exciting manner every year? To think otherwise is warrant for a banning. Yes, Taco - YOU deserve to be banned. :ban:

Atlas
08-25-2006, 12:40 AM
I worry that it'll get boring hearing about how our D faltered by allowing 42 points per game, thus preventing Cutler from proclaiming his well-deserved spot atop the throne.

HUH???

Hercules Rockefeller
08-25-2006, 12:40 AM
Pretty funny article. I laughed pretty good. Seriously what will the Chief fans excuse be when Denvers wins another other than the cheated the cap argument???

The OL uses vasoline on their jerseys

Atlas
08-25-2006, 12:43 AM
The thing I worry about is that winning the Superbowl every year might get a little boring after the third one in a row.

Don't worry about that after the first one Jay will play the next Superbowl hopping around on one leg, the next one will be playing with one arm tied behind his back thus he'll have to operate the whole game out of the shoptgun so he can take the snap... And then for the 3 peet he will repeat his wonderlic by playing the entire game blindfolded.

It won't be boring at all.

Taco John
08-25-2006, 12:43 AM
That's almost blasphemous. You don't think Cutler will be able to play in an exciting manner every year? To think otherwise is warrant for a banning. Yes, Taco - YOU deserve to be banned. :ban:


Well, starting the game by throwing an interception on every play in the first half would be a great way to make things fair and liven it up for the second half. Thankfully, he's getting great mentoring for that right now.


/off to ban myself for 90 days for that one...

Lidderer
08-25-2006, 12:43 AM
HUH???

see the post above mine for satirical inspiration

ward63
08-25-2006, 12:46 AM
Cutler shoud heal B Marsh. ;D

Chuck Norris has nothing on Jay Cutler

Atlas
08-25-2006, 01:00 AM
Chuck Norris has nothing on Jay Cutler


I'm here everyday. I'm here 16 hours a day!!!

WHAT ARE THESE "CHUCK NORRIS" references about???

some how I missed it and it just took off!

Kaylore
08-25-2006, 01:02 AM
I'm here everyday. I'm here 16 hours a day!!!

WHAT ARE THESE "CHUCK NORRIS" references about???

some how I missed it and it just took off!
Are you serious? Did you miss the Norris Vs. Bruschi thread? It won the OM awards for postseason thread of the year!

Taco John
08-25-2006, 01:03 AM
How in the world did Atlas miss the best thread of the year!?!?!

Atlas
08-25-2006, 01:04 AM
Are you serious? Did you miss the Norris Vs. Bruschi thread? It won the OM awards for postseason thread of the year!

Is this from last year??? I missed it I guess. I'll have to look it up.

Maybe I'll bump it for the hell of it.

Taco John
08-25-2006, 01:06 AM
It's in the Ring of Fame:


http://www.orangemane.com/BB/showthread.php?t=35929

ClevelandBronco
08-25-2006, 01:08 AM
The OL uses vasoline on their jerseys

That wasn't Vaseline. It was K-Y Jelly, and the Packers and Falcons were grateful we used it.

Atlas
08-25-2006, 01:12 AM
It's in the Ring of Fame:


http://www.orangemane.com/BB/showthread.php?t=35929

OK TJ. I remember seeing this thread all the time but I never ventured into it. Afterall I'm all about the Broncos you know???

Anyway looks like I have some good reading a head of me.

Bob's your Information Minister
08-25-2006, 01:12 AM
THat's nice to know about the healing with his bare hands.

We got a real steal.

We're going to blitz Kendrell Bell on every play just in the hopes that he can accidentally get Cutler to lay his hands on him.

Clockwork Orange
08-25-2006, 01:14 AM
We're going to blitz Kendrell Bell on every play just in the hopes that he can accidentally get Cutler to lay his hands on him.

Send Brodie Frayle while you're at it. It may be his only hope. ;D

Taco John
08-25-2006, 01:14 AM
OK TJ. I remember seeing this thread all the time but I never ventured into it. Afterall I'm all about the Broncos you know???

Anyway looks like I have some good reading a head of me.



Keep in mind that the Tedy Bruschi hype was off the charts at the time. That thread literally became an NFL message board phenomenon. That one made the rounds...

Kaylore
08-25-2006, 01:20 AM
OK TJ. I remember seeing this thread all the time but I never ventured into it. Afterall I'm all about the Broncos you know???

Anyway looks like I have some good reading a head of me.
I'm reading it now and it's still hilarious.

AboveAverage
08-25-2006, 01:22 AM
Chuck Norris actually died 8 years ago, but the grim reaper was too afraid to let him know.

Atlas
08-25-2006, 01:25 AM
Keep in mind that the Tedy Bruschi hype was off the charts at the time. That thread literally became an NFL message board phenomenon. That one made the rounds...

Yeah I caught the whole Bruschi bit I'm very interested into seeing how Chuck Norris fits into this... Norris rocks!!!

Taco John
08-25-2006, 01:25 AM
Thanks to that thread, the Orange Mane is the only listing on Google for the word "lavanados."

True story.

Atlas
08-25-2006, 01:27 AM
Send Brodie Frayle while you're at it. It may be his only hope. ;D

Don't worry about Frayle. I here the Chefs have assigned a whole M.A.S.H. unit to follow him around.

Kaylore
08-25-2006, 01:31 AM
Thanks to that thread, the Orange Mane is the only listing on Google for the word "lavanado."

True story.
Wow! Breaking ground - appropriate that we needed to invoke the power of Tedy Bruschi to do so.

Clockwork Orange
08-25-2006, 01:38 AM
Thanks to that thread, the Orange Mane is the only listing on Google for the word "lavanados."

True story.

That's right, if you want your lavanado fix, you gots to go through TJ.

In your face every other website!! :yayaya:

epicSocialism4tw
08-25-2006, 01:40 AM
THat's nice to know about the healing with his bare hands.

We got a real steal.


I think it's a joke, Taco. No need to spin myths just yet.