"Turn your head and cough"

[Boobs McGee]

Ahh yes, the phrase that's been making even the toughest man cringe for centuries.

Well i'm sick of it.


Today, just had to go through a physical for my new job. It'd been a few years since the last one, and somehow i'd forgotten that a "pre-employment" ritual involved the dropping of the pants.

So there I stood, bare assed and trying to concentrate on anything...football, the ceiling, gorgeous women..SCRATCH THAT. DONT WANT ANY MOVEMENT WHILE THIS INCREDIBLY INVASIVE PROCEDURE IS TAKING PLACE. Anyway, as the man kneeling in front of me with gloved hands uttered those horrid words, my mind shifted from awkard memory to a new thought.

Why in the hell is this primitive form of hernia checking still in practice?

Seriously.

First off, I KNOW THAT I DONT HAVE A HERNIA. I KNOW. really. I'd be in here already if i did. i promise.

Secondly, are you telling me that after all of the major medical breakthroughs in the history of man; X-rays, polio vaccines, sutures that mold into the body, prosthetic limbs.... that some strange man (or woman) STILL has to reach up and grab your naked and vulnerable junk while you turn your head, holding back tears while attempting a cough....all for the simple reason of finding out whether or not muscle tissue has been breached in a relatively close part of the body?

COME ON!!!! REALLY?!!?!?!

I think, and hear me out before you get angry here, that this should take major presidence (sp?) over a cure for cancer. SERIOUSLY. Think about it for a second. Give the research and development team at the University of Wisconsin at Madison a big million dollar grant, and tomorrow....BAM! Problem solved. Some un-humiliating process that doesn't involve dropping trow and getting your bojangles dangled.

Then, right back on with cancer research the next day.

Does that seem like such a difficult thing to do?


Man, i hate physicals

[ZachKC]

Is it that big of deal?

[sirhcyennek81]

I too, hate physicals. Turn my head and cough...F YOU doc...you cough. get your hands off my nads.


:Broncos:

[Smiling Assassin27]

Just be glad that Dr. Jellyfinger didn't pay a visit to Mr. Prostate...now THAT'S gotta suck more.

[RaiderH8r]

Ahh yes, the phrase that's been making even the toughest man cringe for centuries.

Well i'm sick of it.


Today, just had to go through a physical for my new job. It'd been a few years since the last one, and somehow i'd forgotten that a "pre-employment" ritual involved the dropping of the pants.

So there I stood, bare assed and trying to concentrate on anything...football, the ceiling, gorgeous women..SCRATCH THAT. DONT WANT ANY MOVEMENT WHILE THIS INCREDIBLY INVASIVE PROCEDURE IS TAKING PLACE. Anyway, as the man kneeling in front of me with gloved hands uttered those horrid words, my mind shifted from awkard memory to a new thought.

Why in the hell is this primitive form of hernia checking still in practice?

Seriously.

First off, I KNOW THAT I DONT HAVE A HERNIA. I KNOW. really. I'd be in here already if i did. i promise.

Secondly, are you telling me that after all of the major medical breakthroughs in the history of man; X-rays, polio vaccines, sutures that mold into the body, prosthetic limbs.... that some strange man (or woman) STILL has to reach up and grab your naked and vulnerable junk while you turn your head, holding back tears while attempting a cough....all for the simple reason of finding out whether or not muscle tissue has been breached in a relatively close part of the body?

COME ON!!!! REALLY?!!?!?!

I think, and hear me out before you get angry here, that this should take major presidence (sp?) over a cure for cancer. SERIOUSLY. Think about it for a second. Give the research and development team at the University of Wisconsin at Madison a big million dollar grant, and tomorrow....BAM! Problem solved. Some un-humiliating process that doesn't involve dropping trow and getting your bojangles dangled.

Then, right back on with cancer research the next day.

Does that seem like such a difficult thing to do?


Man, i hate physicals
Oh...you're such a young pup. The worst isn't "Turn your head and cough" it's "Just try to relax." As the rubber glove snaps on and Mr. Jellyfinger gets ready to probe where....well, you get the picture.

[RaiderH8r]

Just be glad that Dr. Jellyfinger didn't pay a visit to Mr. Prostate...now THAT'S gotta suck more.
Oh Damn It! You beat me to it. I see we have another Fletch fan.

[KipCorrington25]

Elbows on the table...

[Bronco_Beerslug]

Is it that big of deal? No, it's nothing. Having a colonoscopy is something though.

The last prostate exam I had was done by a 30ish female nurse practitioner that was good looking but she didn't get my interest up at all for some reason.

[Boobs McGee]

Dr. Jellyfinger? :( I hope the good lord keeps my prostate healthy, because THAT is something i truly do not wish on anyone.


And yes, it IS that big of a deal. imo

[Orange_Beard]

Wah, Wah.

[BizzyBone7]

Yea, my worst fear during a physical is any sort of movement. that would be awkward. To me the more u try not to focus on something like that the mroe u do and the more of a chance there is, ahem, movement.

but i just had one couple months ago. I really dont care about that stuff anymore personally. when i was in high school and played basketball i was a little scared or intimidated if u will. When i went last time he goes "OK just pull down your trousers. I just have to check..." before he was done my pants were at my ankles. I figure who the hell cares really. Im not ashamed and hes not ashamed so whats the difference?

[RaiderH8r]

Dr. Jellyfinger? :( I hope the good lord keeps my prostate healthy, because THAT is something i truly do not wish on anyone.


And yes, it IS that big of a deal. imo
Dr. Jellyfinger is the only one who can truly tell if your prostate is up and pumping. Mooon Rivverr

[Hotrod]

It could be worse it could be your job to play with peoples nuts all day.

[Boobs McGee]

LOL you guys are hilarious.

No one is going to be crossing me in style someday. Hopefully THAT procedure will be obsolete in the near future

[RaiderH8r]

LOL you guys are hilarious.

No one is going to be crossing me in style someday. Hopefully THAT procedure will be obsolete in the near future
Wait til they run a snake up your poop chute. You'll find out what it's like to be the toilet when roto-rooter shows up.

The upside is they put you under anasthesia. Then they blow you up like a balloon, run that fvcker up there, take a look around and then you wake up. Course your ass sounds like an evanrude.

[heydensmom]

It could be worse it could be your job to play with peoples nuts all day.
Ha!

[Ratboy]

I never thought they were that bad, sure it's not the most enjoyable process, but there is worse out there.

Aslong as fingers don't go into my poop shute, i'm fine.

[DomCasual]

Elbows on the table...
You shore gotta purdy mouth. :mullet1:

[ludo21]

You wou;d think that they actually had a better way to tell....

O well, it aint so bad, just dont think about it.

[minibronco]

Well, I just got one too.

I know how you feel. Don't want to get aroused during that part of the physical.

Afterward, he asked me if I had any questions I wanted to ask him. :)

[GonzoLays]

It could be worse it could be your job to play with peoples nuts all day.

Its all coming out now, huh, hotrod?

[Hotrod]

Its all coming out now, huh, hotrod?

I fear my beat downs of you have left some serious lifetime scars Ha!

[GonzoLays]

It could be worse it could be your job to play with peoples nuts all day.

http://www.hillbillys.co.uk/imageshi/V21a.jpg

[Boobs McGee]

IT'S BOB! I guess a thread involving nut handling wouldn't be complete without good ol BOOB coming out in it somewhere

[OrangeShadow]

ever see the national car rental commercial "worlds fastest physical? ROFL

[sirhcyennek81]

I hated football physicals. One physician in one room pulling us in one at a time. Like thats what the guy wanted to do all day, ask 40 HS kids to drop trou.

:Broncos:

[Jason in LA]

I normally hate those tests, but one time it was great. I was 16, playing high school football. Had to go into the doctors office to get the test done. To my surprise it was a black, female doctor. She must have been in her mid 30s. She looked pretty nice. Well, I got excited, and she saw me in all my glory. I've heard guys say that they would fear that moment, but I loved every minute of it.

I'm just glad that I had already hit my growth sprit. I shot up to 6' tall when I was 13. It would have sucked if I had been a late bloomer, and went in there at 5'4" or something like that.

Only one other time a lady did it. She was much older, and not really attractive. I didn't get excited in any way.

I've heard a lot of guys say they'd rather have a mail doctor do it, for the fear of getting a woody. But I felt a whole lot better when it was a woman. Even the old lady, who I wasn't attracted to at all. I felt a lot better about her doing it than when a male doctor did it.

[smalltowngrll]

Ok...female piping in here....

You men have it good! We have to go through invasions EVERY year from puberty on!! It is NOT fun at all....seriously no fun!

[Dr. Broncenstein]

Ok...female piping in here....

You men have it good! We have to go through invasions EVERY year from puberty on!! It is NOT fun at all....seriously no fun!

This is just sitting on a tee... but I cant do it...

[sirhcyennek81]

Gyno visits and physicals are equally invasive. No one likes to be handled when they are not in the mood for it. Men hate the rubber gloves, women hate the duckbill thingee.


:Broncos:

[Dr. Broncenstein]

I don't like putting my finger in the ass of whoever I'm examining either... but its pretty benign compared to other things I have had to do on a regular basis... quityerbitchin everyone. If the only thing you have to have done is a hernia check or pelvic exam... consider yourself forturnate.

[BroncosMT]

Bill Engvall says it best when he goes in for his physicals with the greasy finger because he askes his doctor to tell him what he is thinking because the doctor touches his brain. Also tells him that if he is checking for cavities he already has a dentist. Makes me cringe thinking about it!! Not a FUN experience.

I had to go and spend some time in Italy adn had to have a physical. I was 19 at the time and lived in a small rural community. There were only 3 doctors and only one did the greasy finger, turn your head and cough, etc. I told my mom not to set up an appt. with that doctorl because of that. Sure enough I go to the appt. and who was to do my exam....that damn doctor. I still have trauma to this day because of it.

[Hogan11]

"..then the doctor jammed his finger in and I saw stars! It was right then and there I knew I was no homosexual....and you know what the first thing that went through my mind was? It was the doctor's fingernail!" - Jackie Martling

[youcandoit1687]

what cant/hasnt been discussed on the mane?

[Jason in LA]

Fellas, if you want to avoid the awkwardness of a test, find an attractive female doctor.

[Sodak]

First off, I KNOW THAT I DONT HAVE A HERNIA. I KNOW. really. I'd be in here already if i did. i promise.



I found out that I have a hernia two physicals ago. I had no clue.

[watermock]

Assuming the position isn't fun. It must of been quite amusing to the female doctor when Jason came to attention and gave the 5 inch salute.

[Mtbrncofn]

I don't even want to know how Mock know's about Jason's 5 inch salute.

[Little44]

Yes, the nut poking and the jellyfinger sucks, but have you had to have your catheter removed by two hot nurses? I went through it after my last surgery. They came in and said hello and asked how I was feeling as they drew the curtain. I said I was fine and they explained that they were there to remove my catheter. So they rollback the covers and lifted the night gown. I wasn't real happy about this because as George Costanza so eloquently said: "There was shrinkage!!!" :) Anyway, the next thing I knew, they were both bent over and looking at my junk as one described to the other how to remove it. It was the longest 10 seconds of my life. I was ready to crawl under the bed!

By the way, the last time I had a physical, the doc told me to drop the drawers I just said: "I'll pass". As I recall, he asked if I was having and pain or pressure along my beltline or any problems lifting. When I responded no, he was fine with it. He wrote on the exam sheet differed hernia test or something like that and it was a wrap! :D

[sirhcyennek81]

Have never had the prostate exam. Only 24 tho, so I think I am a few years away from it.


:Broncos:

[broncolife]

I hated getting my physical. My weenie has the opposite reaction of getting aroused it goes back in. Its like a scared little turtle popping his head back in it shell.At least I know what it feels like to be Chinese :) . I remember in High School they lined 10 of us up in a row and said drop em. They went right down the line cough after cough.(Of course I coughed in the doctors face and he made some comment about it, I guess I turned my head the wrong way)I hope they changed the glove, ah it doesnt matter I was first in line anyways. I dred the day I get my prostate checked. I hope it never happens, but guess I will have to when I get a little older. I express dogs anal glands at my work so I guess they will be happy when that day comes.

[Jason in LA]

Assuming the position isn't fun. It must of been quite amusing to the female doctor when Jason came to attention and gave the 5 inch salute.

OOOHHH. Mock sure got me with that one.