Carolina D-Boy
12-15-2005, 04:17 AM
Wish Fox's Ranking List was this funny!
1 Colts
Why is Jacksonville the only team that can keep these guys under 50? The '72 Dolphins demand an answer!
2 Seahawks
If the Colts weren't 87-0 they would be ranked number 1, but you know...
3 Giants
The past couple weeks Jay Feely has learned to do everything on his computer, from Christmas shopping to walking his dog, General Chow, around the block via remote access by way of the new Martha Stewart android prototype named the "Benson-bot." It's a good thing Jay made those four kicks last Sunday, because after a northeastern snow storm passed last week, "BB" fell and broke its hip on an icy patch and the General has absolutely gone to war with the upholstery in the Feely household. Jay's wife was upset, but it's all good now as he's out walking Chow around again without worrying about getting murdered or anything like that.
4 Bengals Rudi Johnson kinda looks like Bun B…sorry but that's all I've got this week. That offense got shut down like a nightclub that just lost its liquor license.
5 Broncos
Thank Kyle Boller for avoiding a colossal tank, Bronco fans…the scrub says you're welcome.
6 Buccaneers
"Chris and the Cadillac"…sounds like a really poor but entertaining 70's movie starring Burt Reynolds.
7 Bears
Well, I've served my time on the Kyle Orton wagon and I've steered it this far, but my stop is here and it's time to get off…yeah, my transfer is in my pocket so I may be back, but I doubt it.
8 Panthers
What's more inconsistent; the play of Carolina, the play of San Diego or Cam'ron's story after getting shot?
9 Cowboys
Look Tuna, I done told you before; at the end of a tight game when you know the other team is passing, get Roy Williams off the field…I dunno, tell him Kelly Rowland is giving Nelly another lap dance or something.
10 Chargers
It may be 70 degrees in San Diego, but Marty knows it’s that time of year that his teams do what they do best, choke.
11 Patriots
If you don't think Indy is watching New England Gain this Hammer-like Momentum, the past few weeks, then you don't know football, Ace.
12 Jaguars
Three weeks ago I said the Jaguars along with the Broncos were the only teams in the AFC that could currently beat the Colts. I still stand by that, and since Byron Leftwich wasn't playing last week, I'm having no parts of that loss.
13 Steelers
Mix in Big Ben throwing for under 200 yards and the Pittsburgh backs running for a smidge over 500 yards and you've got the recipe for a typical Steeler victory.
14 Vikings
Here's a real estate tip for you: If you're thinking about moving to Minnesota, you can buy Daunte Culpepper's house for about a dollar, right now.
15 Falcons
He ran. They won. I told you.
Ain't no jokes, cause ain't **** funny about it.
16 Chiefs
The worst kick ever.
17 Dolphins
Alright, without cheating, guess how tall Chris Chambers is and scroll to the bottom and see how off your ass was
18 Redskins
If not for Sean Taylor and Clinton 3000, this team would currently be competing for the services of Reggie Bush or Vince Young for the next 12 years.
19 Cardinals
Speaking of Sean Taylor, Anquan Boldin is the only football player I've ever seen shed a dead on tackle from the kid. Seeing it live was like watching The Rock kick out of Hulk Hogan's legdrop at Wrestlemania 18.
20 Eagles
Last Sunday around 5 pm or so, the world wide web suffered a momentary lapse in functionality as fantasy football owners universe-wide all attempted to pick up Ryan Moats for the stretch run of their leagues.
21 Rams
Alright, Ryan Joseph Fitzpatrick, we gave you a week of that clemency Tookie's dead ass was denied, but those 5 pics did it. You stink.
22 Titans
If Adam Jones was healthy the whole year he would be leading the Pac for Defensive Rookie of the Year. Ehhhhhhhh?
23 Bills
With Eric Moulds they're not very good. Without him, they suck harder than Paris Hilton.
24 Raiders
This team is going through the motions like one of those whores featured on the "Sports Groupies" segment on HBO's Real Sports, last week.
*One of them bitches looked like an anteater, by the way…oh, cry to your mama, I don't care.
25 Browns
By a show of hands, who's with Charlie?
--The Frye's have it.
26 Saints
We feel bad for them and all, but they really stink. Like a public bathroom at a concert stink-stink.
27 Jets
How bad do you think Ty Law wanna get out this muh***ka? Bout as bad as Curtis Martin wanted to get out of an African Musk scented secluded room with an ass naked-oiled up Toni Braxton laying at arms length. Yes, that bad.
28 Packers
Congrats. No Bush. Officially.
29 Ravens
If Kyle Boller was alive on November 22, 1963, and Lee Harvey Oswald was a Ravens fan (or Browns fan for you pressed bitches) he would have shot him instead of JFK.
30 Lions
Detroit's quarterback situation is in worse shape than the Fabulous Sports Babe after the holiday season.
31 Texans
Yeah, it was on purpose, but they want that pick, and can you blame them?
32 49ers
It's a two team race, for those tuning in 13 weeks late.
*Answer to #17: That man is 5-11?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yes, 5-11! I know, what kinda **** is that?!
1 Colts
Why is Jacksonville the only team that can keep these guys under 50? The '72 Dolphins demand an answer!
2 Seahawks
If the Colts weren't 87-0 they would be ranked number 1, but you know...
3 Giants
The past couple weeks Jay Feely has learned to do everything on his computer, from Christmas shopping to walking his dog, General Chow, around the block via remote access by way of the new Martha Stewart android prototype named the "Benson-bot." It's a good thing Jay made those four kicks last Sunday, because after a northeastern snow storm passed last week, "BB" fell and broke its hip on an icy patch and the General has absolutely gone to war with the upholstery in the Feely household. Jay's wife was upset, but it's all good now as he's out walking Chow around again without worrying about getting murdered or anything like that.
4 Bengals Rudi Johnson kinda looks like Bun B…sorry but that's all I've got this week. That offense got shut down like a nightclub that just lost its liquor license.
5 Broncos
Thank Kyle Boller for avoiding a colossal tank, Bronco fans…the scrub says you're welcome.
6 Buccaneers
"Chris and the Cadillac"…sounds like a really poor but entertaining 70's movie starring Burt Reynolds.
7 Bears
Well, I've served my time on the Kyle Orton wagon and I've steered it this far, but my stop is here and it's time to get off…yeah, my transfer is in my pocket so I may be back, but I doubt it.
8 Panthers
What's more inconsistent; the play of Carolina, the play of San Diego or Cam'ron's story after getting shot?
9 Cowboys
Look Tuna, I done told you before; at the end of a tight game when you know the other team is passing, get Roy Williams off the field…I dunno, tell him Kelly Rowland is giving Nelly another lap dance or something.
10 Chargers
It may be 70 degrees in San Diego, but Marty knows it’s that time of year that his teams do what they do best, choke.
11 Patriots
If you don't think Indy is watching New England Gain this Hammer-like Momentum, the past few weeks, then you don't know football, Ace.
12 Jaguars
Three weeks ago I said the Jaguars along with the Broncos were the only teams in the AFC that could currently beat the Colts. I still stand by that, and since Byron Leftwich wasn't playing last week, I'm having no parts of that loss.
13 Steelers
Mix in Big Ben throwing for under 200 yards and the Pittsburgh backs running for a smidge over 500 yards and you've got the recipe for a typical Steeler victory.
14 Vikings
Here's a real estate tip for you: If you're thinking about moving to Minnesota, you can buy Daunte Culpepper's house for about a dollar, right now.
15 Falcons
He ran. They won. I told you.
Ain't no jokes, cause ain't **** funny about it.
16 Chiefs
The worst kick ever.
17 Dolphins
Alright, without cheating, guess how tall Chris Chambers is and scroll to the bottom and see how off your ass was
18 Redskins
If not for Sean Taylor and Clinton 3000, this team would currently be competing for the services of Reggie Bush or Vince Young for the next 12 years.
19 Cardinals
Speaking of Sean Taylor, Anquan Boldin is the only football player I've ever seen shed a dead on tackle from the kid. Seeing it live was like watching The Rock kick out of Hulk Hogan's legdrop at Wrestlemania 18.
20 Eagles
Last Sunday around 5 pm or so, the world wide web suffered a momentary lapse in functionality as fantasy football owners universe-wide all attempted to pick up Ryan Moats for the stretch run of their leagues.
21 Rams
Alright, Ryan Joseph Fitzpatrick, we gave you a week of that clemency Tookie's dead ass was denied, but those 5 pics did it. You stink.
22 Titans
If Adam Jones was healthy the whole year he would be leading the Pac for Defensive Rookie of the Year. Ehhhhhhhh?
23 Bills
With Eric Moulds they're not very good. Without him, they suck harder than Paris Hilton.
24 Raiders
This team is going through the motions like one of those whores featured on the "Sports Groupies" segment on HBO's Real Sports, last week.
*One of them bitches looked like an anteater, by the way…oh, cry to your mama, I don't care.
25 Browns
By a show of hands, who's with Charlie?
--The Frye's have it.
26 Saints
We feel bad for them and all, but they really stink. Like a public bathroom at a concert stink-stink.
27 Jets
How bad do you think Ty Law wanna get out this muh***ka? Bout as bad as Curtis Martin wanted to get out of an African Musk scented secluded room with an ass naked-oiled up Toni Braxton laying at arms length. Yes, that bad.
28 Packers
Congrats. No Bush. Officially.
29 Ravens
If Kyle Boller was alive on November 22, 1963, and Lee Harvey Oswald was a Ravens fan (or Browns fan for you pressed bitches) he would have shot him instead of JFK.
30 Lions
Detroit's quarterback situation is in worse shape than the Fabulous Sports Babe after the holiday season.
31 Texans
Yeah, it was on purpose, but they want that pick, and can you blame them?
32 49ers
It's a two team race, for those tuning in 13 weeks late.
*Answer to #17: That man is 5-11?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yes, 5-11! I know, what kinda **** is that?!