Laveraneus Coles Reveals he was Sexually Abused as a Child

[-Slap-]

Obviously it had to be tremendously difficult for him to talk about this in public. So many abused children grow up to abuse others. Its nice to see him use this forum to shed light on this topic.

Coles shares secret (http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2005/football/nfl/09/18/coles.jets.ap/index.html)

Posted: Sunday September 18, 2005

http://i.a.cnn.net/si/2005/football/nfl/09/18/coles.jets.ap/p1.coles.jpg
Laveranues Coles says he was molested
by his stepfather from ages 10-13.
AP

EAST RUTHERFORD, N.J. (AP) -- Laveranues Coles held a dark secret that caused him nightmares for many years, one he never told any of his New York Jets teammates.

The Pro Bowl wide receiver thought he was alone in his inner struggles, and too proud to let any outsiders into his personal prison. But Coles recently decided to free himself of his secret: He was sexually abused as a young boy by his stepfather.

"I haven't talked about it in ... forever, but I know that holding something like that inside has been a burden for so long," Coles said Sunday after helping the Jets beat Miami 17-7. "For me to get on this platform that I have, having been in the league and have all the media attention that we have, I think it's something that should be said.

"If it gets one kid to come out and say, `Look, this is happening to me,' ... I think it's right."

In a story first reported by The New York Times, Coles acknowledged he was molested from ages 10-13 while growing up in Jacksonville, Fla., by the man his mother later married.

He was only in sixth grade when the incidents started, but Coles kept it to himself. When a fight in school two years later prompted the police to question his violent behavior, Coles came out with the revelation.

"It still bothers you," Coles said. "I mean, there's certain things that you really don't want to deal with, you don't want to remember. But I had my peace with it. It's something that's not happening anymore. I used to wake up in the middle of the night and think about it, but now I'm fine."

According to the Times, Coles' stepfather, whose name the receiver didn't want to reveal, was sentenced to nine years in a Florida prison in 1992 after pleading guilty to the infractions. He served 3½ years, but was later convicted of another crime and has been in prison since 2001.

Coles' mother, Sirretta, divorced her husband when the abuse was first revealed and sought counseling for the youngster. Coles realizes that coming out with this now publicly will reopen old wounds for the family.

"We'll talk about it," Coles said. "I love my mom and we love each other and we'll talk about it briefly and put it behind us again."

Coles doesn't worry about what others might think or say about what he went through. He's proven himself to be a star on the football field, now in his sixth NFL season -- and second stint with the Jets after spending the last two years with Washington.

"I think with age comes maturity, and I think now that I'm a little older, I think I can deal with it a little better and I just want to help kids because I think it happens to more people in this world than actually allow ourselves to believe," Coles said. "Coming up, I always felt like I was the only one that ever happened to. Then, when I started going to different sessions, they let me know that it happens to a lot more people."

[Broncoman13]

Kudos for stepping up and assuming the burden in hopes of helping another. Good on him.

[Clockwork Orange]

That's truly sad. At least he has a strong mother who immediatly dumped the sick bastard and got her son professional help. Some kids aren't that fortunate.

[Broncoman13]

Cry me a river


That's weak dude...real weak.

[baja]

Cry me a river

You mis spelled your name, it should read dipssoshiit.

[ZachKC]

Cry me a river
You should join Atlas at the classless scum bad table. You two deserve each other.

[ludo21]

Cry me a river


umm..... dont be a dick.... dont post if ur gonna bash a guy about a topic as touchy as this. This took a lot of heart and strength to do and im proud of him.

[ZachKC]

Slap had a great point about having the courage to step up and use this as a forum. I believe the country would be apalled...literally sickened if sexual abuse cases that are kept in the dark were all reported and the numbers made public.

[FADERPROOF]

Cry me a river
you ****ing dickhead.

I'm glad Coles is coming out about this, hopefully this will inspire younger kids who are currently being molested and abused to come out and get some help and get these sick ****ers locked up.

Kids look up to pro athletes, and Coles doing this could only be a good thing.

[-Slap-]

Slap had a great point about having the courage to step up and use this as a forum. I believe the country would be apalled...literally sickened if sexual abuse cases that are kept in the dark were all reported and the numbers made public.
That's the thing. Its such a horrific topic that nobody wants to discuss it and the victims are too ashamed. The predators thrive in that silence.

[SoCalBronco]

That sucks for Laverneaus. Thankfully that guy is behind bars and hopefully he will stay there forever.

[Clockwork Orange]

Cry me a river

Coles comes forward with this, something that was obviously not easy for him to do, and you **** on him for it.

You're a real asswipe.

[-Slap-]

Kids look up to pro athletes, and Coles doing this could only be a good thing.
His motivation certainly seems selfless enough. I don't know what anyone could hope to gain from this, other than the satisfaction of knowing they might help some kid in a similar situation.

[ZachKC]

That's the thing. Its such a horrific topic that nobody wants to discuss it and the victims are too ashamed. The predators thrive in that silence.
Not only in this extreme sense when it involves children but in much more casual ways...date rape...things of that nature.

From each end of the spectrum it is a much bigger demon that effects a lot more "normal" people than most realize.

[baja]

OK I'll go ahead and fess up, I was sexualy abused by this person,

http://www.qsl.net/wb8njs/misc%20pix/images/BIG%20WOMAN.jpg

over and over.

All kidding aside I agree with Zack and Slap on this.

[FADERPROOF]

His motivation certainly seems selfless enough. I don't know what anyone could hope to gain from this, other than the satisfaction of knowing they might help some kid in a similar situation.

Exactly, and abused children can look at him and say,"This kind of horrible stuff even happens to guys in the NFL, I feel better about coming out now."

Good move on Coles' part, as tough as it may have been for him to come out about all of this.

[epicSocialism4tw]

Cry me a river

That's rediculous. Go back to your fellows at NAMBLA and tell them that we dont like our children molested in America.

[Clockwork Orange]

It reminds me of the scandal of boys from the Swift Current junior hockey team being molested and the fact that most of them wouldn't even speak of it until years later. One very notable individual who was on that team is Theo Fleury. He's never come out and said that he was molested but the substance abuse problems he's struggled with for a long time have made me wonder.

[Kaylore]

That's very cool of him. I hope others see his example and come forward so they can get help dealing with it. People have no idea how hard it is for someone to live with that. A lot of people blame themselves and turn to self-destructive behavior. Good for Coles.

[watermock]

Hopefully he can now start healing.

[Nuggets4]

It reminds me of the scandal of boys from the Swift Current junior hockey team being molested and the fact that most of them wouldn't even speak of it until years later. One very notable individual who was on that team is Theo Fleury. He's never come out and said that he was molested but the substance abuse problems he's struggled with for a long time have made me wonder.

Wasn't Sakic on that team too? Or am I thinking of something else?

[gunns]

How brave for him to come out with it. It think men struggle with this as they think it reflects on their manhood.

It's funny that this came out now. I just found out, from my son's wife, that he was sexually abused at 12 by a friends father. My son had shown violent tendecies but then turned to drugs, heroin, because he hated these tendecies. I always wondered where this behavior came from and always thought there was something he was keeping inside that was causing him pain. I feel so bad that he didn't feel he could tell me, I wish he had, but I understand. He began to change his behavior in the last few years and I wondered why. I believe it was because he finally told his wife. What a weight to carry around. The one thing I want him to know is that is was not his fault and kudos to Coles for realizing that and to his mom for the proper reaction. People who would say anything derogatory about it should be ignored because they are ignorant. If the shoe fits, Dipsomanic........

[Ninjafied]

Thankfully that guy is behind bars and hopefully he will stay there forever.
Thankfully, yes he is.
And hopefully a little rough “prison justice” will set his karma straight.
People like that are the scum of the earth.

[NaptownChief]

Cry me a river



Sounds like somebody is bitter about putting his kind in a bad light....Do the world a big favor and castrate yourself.

[bendog]

Interesting. Coming out of college, I thought he had a good chance to be a bust, and lockerroom cancer, but he worked his ass off in NY to become a very, very dangerous WR. Of course Gibbs misused him and brought in a washed up qb. Another good reason to like the Jests. Thanks for the story.

[Bronco_Beerslug]

Obviously it had to be tremendously difficult for him to talk about this in public. So many abused children grow up to abuse others. Its nice to see him use this forum to shed light on this topic.

Can't imagine what he's had to endure!!! Truly sad the number of f**ked up people in this country as evidenced by the quote below.

Cry me a river

[Mediator12]

People get banned and negative repped for their opinions. How the heck does this guy have a positive rep at this point??? I never negative rep people, but this guy is why people get away with this stuff. 1 in 4 women get raped in their lifetime, 1 in 10 people get sexually abused and this guy says cry me a river. I just hope and pray to God it does not happen to your Son or Daughter you POS.

[Rascal]

because our rep is so low that several people neg repping him won't have as much effect as it used to.

Back to the point of the thread though....

Glad that he had the courage to step up and make it public. Like he said hopefully this helps kids that are in that situation currently.

[Mediator12]

I deal with abuse almost every day of work. Emotional, Physical, or sexual. I also have to deal with false allegations of abuse. I have no patience for this type of behavior in people.

[Mtbrncofn]

Incredible. I wonder how many other players out there have had it happen too and don't want to say anything about it. What a brave thing to do.

I too, wanted to give special praise to his mother for actually dumping the bastard after she found out. So many times, it gets swept under the rug and nothing ever comes of it.

I've had a lot of dealing with the issue in my lifetime, so I can't say how selfless it is of him to come out on a public stage and put that out there.

[footstepsfrom#27]

I spent 15 years working with kids who have all kinds of abuse issues including this one. Some of these stories are just heart wrenching. What's even worse is that the system that's supposed to help them frequently hurts them further. Kudos to Coles.

[-Slap-]

Here's a follow-up on the Laveranues Coles story I posted last year. It seems like he's making progress in trusting people. His courage in sharing his story has made it possible for others to reach out to him. Hopefully, his story will inspire others who might feel like they're all alone.

Coles Comes Out of His Shell, Shedding Pain Layer by Layer (http://www.nytimes.com/2006/11/10/sports/ncaafootball/10jets.html?ref=sports)

By KAREN CROUSE

November 10, 2006

HEMPSTEAD, N.Y., Nov. 9 — Rounding a corner, Jets receiver Laveranues Coles surveyed the gaggle of people waiting for him. Coles used to be able to complete the curl pattern from the training room to his locker without drawing a double team of reporters.

During his first six years in the National Football League, he ran from the public as if the outside world was the most savage secondary of all, with everybody angling to bring him down.

This season, though, Coles, the Jets’ leading receiver with 46 catches for 606 yards, has become the team’s go-to guy off the field. His puckish personality has emerged for all to see as he carries himself with a lightness of being that can be attributed to two life-transforming events: his public acknowledgment last year that he was molested as a child, and a phone call that he received soon after.

http://graphics8.nytimes.com/images/2006/11/10/sports/10jets.1.600.jpg
Laveranues Coles, left, and Tyler Perry were abused when they were children. Perry was
moved by Coles’s story and was hopeful that he might be able to help him.

The voice on the other end of the line belonged to Tyler Perry, a playwright and actor. From that initial conversation sprouted a friendship that represents the 28-year-old Coles’s first true male-bonding experience outside of football.

“Just to have another guy that’s in the position that Tyler’s in, that’s more popular than I am, who has dealt with some of the same issues I had to deal with, makes the greatest difference in the world,” Coles said recently. He was dressing for practice as he spoke, adding layer after layer of clothing and equipment while baring what had been hidden inside.

“It definitely has helped quite a bit,” Coles said. “Because to be honest, after that experience, I always thought everybody was out to hurt me. Now what I do is give everyone a fair chance. It basically helped me by just watching Tyler and seeing how he deals with people.”

Perry, a 37-year-old New Orleans native who created the character of Mabel (Madea) Simmons, said he was abused by his father as a child. He happened to catch a repeat of “The Oprah Winfrey Show” episode that originally aired last fall in which Coles, who is from Jacksonville, Fla., talked of being sexually abused at gunpoint by his stepfather between the ages of 10 and 13.

Perry acquired Coles’s cellphone number from Winfrey, who is a friend, because he was moved by Coles’s story and sensed that he might be able to help him.

“I knew the pain he was in,” Perry said in a telephone interview. “I understood it.”

He was the same age that Coles is now when he released his unresolved anger and guilt onto the pages of a journal. The entries formed the basis of Perry’s first play, “I Know I’ve Been Changed,” which consumed six years of his life and all of his savings before it was staged.

After that, his career branched out and bloomed. Perry’s stage and film successes include “Diary of a Mad Black Woman,” “Madea’s Family Reunion” and “Madea’s Class Reunion.” He has produced a TV show, “House of Payne,” and written a book, “Don’t Make a Black Woman Take Off Her Earrings,” which reached No. 1 on the New York Times best-seller list and was voted book of the year and best humor book at the 2006 Quill Awards.

Perry’s outward signs of success — acclaim and considerable wealth — came after he had reconciled with his father and achieved an inner peace. He could appreciate how much harder it would be for Coles to clean up the emotional detritus from his childhood trauma in the public glare, against the backdrop of the testosterone-charged N.F.L.

“That had to be stressful,” Perry said. “The courage that it took for Laveranues to come forward and talk publicly about what was done to him is something that I really admire.”

For Coles, football has always been his means of releasing some of the anger bottled up inside. Between the lines, he could prove his toughness and connect with his teammates in a way that was hard for him in his personal relationships.

After being drafted by the Jets in the third round in 2000, Coles quickly developed a rapport with quarterback Chad Pennington, a first-round pick in the same draft. Coles was Pennington’s favorite target on the scout team, and he remained so after Pennington joined Coles in the starting lineup in 2002.

They stayed in touch after Coles left for the Washington Redskins as a restricted free agent in 2003, the richness of their relationship perhaps best demonstrated by Pennington’s offer to take a $2 million pay cut to facilitate the trade last year that brought Coles back to the Jets in exchange for receiver Santana Moss.

Pennington and Coles have spent hours in each other’s company talking about football and family, but Pennington did not know Coles had been molested as a child until he read about it last year in The Times. “You have all these insecurities about yourself,” Coles said. “You think that other people, if they know, may look at you differently.”

Coles knew of Perry only vaguely before that first phone call. By the time they hung up after an hourlong conversation, Coles saw in Perry someone he could trust with his feelings. “I think it makes a difference that here’s somebody that doesn’t want anything from me,” Coles said. “Most of the time when I have a conversation with people outside of football, it isn’t like that.”

He added: “Tyler understood that I still had certain boundaries and walls in my life as far as relationships with women. He understood why I would shut people out if I felt I was getting too close to them, and stuff like that. It just started registering that maybe he could help me out.”

Perry donned a flowery housedress, a wig and sensible shoes and transformed himself into Madea, the mother of all caregivers, in part because he did not want his dual messages of love and forgiveness to be filtered through any gender-based stereotypes. “In our society,” he wrote in the foreword of his book, “women are given much more latitude than men to have emotions and express them.”

Coles donned a football helmet and cleats to find his emotional outlet. Their friendship has been liberating for both because they do not have to wear disguises to address their deepest, darkest feelings.

To get beyond the pain and guilt of being abused, Perry encouraged Coles to repeat, out loud, “This is not my fault.”

Coles balked at the idea at first. He said he thought talking to himself would make him feel crazy, not better.

“In a way, you still have an arrogant side about you that says I’m dealing with this my own way,” Coles said. “As football players, we all have our pride and ego. Once I got past that and started really thinking about the advice he gave me, I thought maybe I should start telling myself that and see if it will help me.”

Coles was alone in his car, driving to the Jets’ practice facility during the preseason, when he finally said aloud, “This is not my fault.”

That wrecking ball of a sentence is slowly but surely tearing down Coles’s walls. More people are getting a glimpse of his playful side — witness his needling of the Jets’ first-year coach, Eric Mangini, whom he has called “the Penguin” and “ornery,” among other things. Mangini takes no offense; in fact, he said he would like to see Coles’s personality and playing ability gain him a few endorsements and a higher national profile.

Coles is speaking up. Last week he said that the chemistry between Pennington and his receivers was being overemphasized to the point of being counterproductive.

And he is stepping out. Whereas in previous years Coles spent the bye week holed up in his house, he spent part of last weekend, when the Jets were off, in Las Vegas with Perry, attending the welterweight championship bout between Floyd Mayweather Jr. and Carlos Baldomir.

“I absolutely see the change in him,” Perry said. “He’s so much lighter. I think he’s all-around a happier person.”

Perry has suggested that Coles keep a journal, and Coles has gone so far as to buy one. But so far, the pages remain blank. Who needs a journal when people surround his locker every day, waiting to record his thoughts? “It’s exciting,” Coles said. “It’s like a whole other world when I walk in here now.”

[Clockwork Orange]

Thanks for the update. Nice to see that Coles is making progress.

[BroncoSoja]

Cry me a river

Ban!!

BTW who is the dude in your avatar?

[OrangeDoofus]

I have nothing to add here that hasn't been said, and said well, by others.

Good for Coles for doing the right thing and using his fame to speak out. Hopefully this helps other kids in that situation to be brave and tell someone.

[Mtbrncofn]

Ban!!

BTW who is the dude in your avatar?

Yeah, the comment sucked. But damnit, that's part of my family and SHE is fighting Laila Ali at MSG tonight.

Thanks for the update on Coles, Slappy. I've thought about it recently and wondered how he was doing.

[Willynowei]

Cry me a river

I hope you didn't bother to read the article before saying that.

[Atlas]

You should join Atlas at the classless scum bad table. You two deserve each other.

Hey, what did I do, Besides wish injuries on Chef players!?!?!

[goldengopher1976]

I'm normally a fairly sensible guy, but this is one issue that makes me unstable. My wife was sexually abused by a cousin and now works with sexually abused kids--the stories are...heartwrenching. There are times when I feel like I could personally pull the trigger on a lineup of sexual abusers and not feel even the slightest tinge of remorse.

[Merlin]

People who would say anything derogatory about it should be ignored because they are ignorant. If the shoe fits, Dipsomanic........
I truly do hope it was ignorance, because the alternatives...Slime-of-the-earth does not begin to describe it.

[watermock]

I hope whoever abused him can starve while Cole packs away a few million.

Building yourself up by insulting others is a typical human trait.

It's rather common here as well.

[Rock Chalk]

Sheesh. Even a prick like me can have some compassion and dispo says cry me a river? Well, I guess everyone is entitled to their own opinion and apparently dipso is a heartless **** stick.

That's OK though. Karma never sleeps.

[-Slap-]

I should have started a new thread. It wasn't my intention to have everybody jam on this poster over an isolated dumb comment he made over a year ago. I was kind of hoping people would instead focus on the positive nature of this recent article on Coles.

[Sodak]

Karma never sleeps.

But you don't believe in karma...

[ZONA]

Are you guys living under a rock? This story is older then old. He came out with the information last year.

[-Slap-]

Are you guys living under a rock? This story is older then old. He came out with the information last year.

I love when people are too dense to read the thread before they start popping off.

[watermock]

Thanks for the heads up...

Obviously this was all his faullt.

[Kaylore]

I love when people are too dense to read the thread before they start popping off.

I think I'm going to go post another Brushback article...

[-Slap-]

I think I'm going to go post another Brushback article...

Just posting a title seems sufficient to generate responses from some people.

[Bronco_Beerslug]

Sheesh. Even a prick like me can have some compassion and dispo says cry me a river? Well, I guess everyone is entitled to their own opinion and apparently dipso is a heartless **** stick.
That's OK though. Karma never sleeps.
Maybe a "prick like you" ought to check the thread date?

[Circle Orange]

That's awful...you hear all the time about these priests who sexually abused boys who grew up later with nightmares and messed up relationships. A friend of mine had this happen to her when she was about 6. Her uncle tried to have sex with her, but her mother caught him and nearly beat the crap out of the guy.

[Odysseus]

I should have started a new thread. It wasn't my intention to have everybody jam on this poster over an isolated dumb comment he made over a year ago. I was kind of hoping people would instead focus on the positive nature of this recent article on Coles.

I think it's important to capture ALL of the history of some topics. Dipso never apologized so whatever comes down is just part of the deal.

I don't fault Dipso. Dipso represents a wide range of the same players that Coles is going to face week in and week out. In his business smack talk is an endless cost of doing business. I don't know many on this board that are thick skinned enough to take this kind of constant daily grilling.

Thanks for the Coles update and the honest concern for a fellow poster.