Joke thread .... Adult humor ...... no one under 18 , and this includes Bob

[Spider]

The little bumps around a womans nipples on her breast = Brail for lick here ...

[Spider]

If you hever had to wreck a chevy pickup for the insurence money to make the monthly payment you could be a redneck

[Hotrod]

If you hever had to wreck a chevy pickup for the insurence money to make the monthly payment you could be a redneck

LOL


a** ;)

[Spider]

A young Swift driver , just started driving was asked , you are comming down Vail Pass , your drive line breaks , and your breaks are burnt , there is a 4 car pile up at the bottom of the pass ..What do you do ? .. young Swift driver replied , I am waking up Leroy in the sleeper ..... Why he was asked , what could leroy do ? .Nothing said the swift driver , I just dont want him to miss the wreck we are about to have ........

[MajikMan7]

If you hever had to wreck a chevy pickup for the insurence money to make the monthly payment you could be a redneck

ahahahahhahahahahha! That was awesome.

[Spider]

Blonde Joke .........................
As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says, "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load."

The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. When the truck stops for another red light, the girl again catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!" Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street.

At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door. The trucker lowers the window. Again she says, "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"

When the light turns green, the trucker revs up and races to the next light. When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde. He knocks on her window, and as she lowers it, he says... "Hi, my name is Kevin, it's winter in Minnesota and I'm driving the SALT TRUCK!"

[Spider]

If you are wondering where Swift trucking got their name .....
Slow
Wagon
In
Fast
Traffic

[Spider]

Did You Hear JB Hunt & Dick Simon Are Joining Forces To Create An All Woman Team?
They Are Going To Call It Hunt 'n Dick!

[Spider]

A Redneck buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Austin to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number. The Redneck says, "I want my $20 million."

The man replied, "No, sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you a million today and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years."

The Redneck said, "Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want it."

Again, the man explain that he would only get a million that day and the rest during the next 19 years.

The Redneck, furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I want my money! If you're not going to give me my $20 million right now, then I want my dollar back!"

[RunByDesign]

An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Monte Casino went to the local church for confession. When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said, "Father, during World War II, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the enemy. So I hid her in my attic."

The priest replied, "That was a wonderful thing you did, my son! And you have no need to confess that." "It's worse than that, father. She started to repay me with sexual favors."

The priest said, "By doing that, you were both in great danger. However, two people under those circumstances can be very tempted to act that way. But if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven."

"Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind. But I do have one more question ."

"And what is that?" asked the priest.

"Should I tell her the war is over?"

[RunByDesign]

A female Olympic swimmer was talking with one of her teammates about using steroids. She claimed that she was going to quit taking them because she was growing hair in scary places.
When her friend asked her where the hair was growing, she replied, "On my nuts."

[RunByDesign]

A state trooper spied a car puttering along at 22 MPH. So he turned on his lights and pulled the driver over. Approaching the car, he noticed that five old guys were inside, and they looked wide-eyed and terribly pale.
The driver pleaded with him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"

"Sir," the officer replies, "You weren't speeding, but driving slower than the speed limit can also be dangerous."

"I beg to differ, Officer, I was doing the speed limit exactly: twenty-two miles an hour!" the old man said.

The trooper, chuckling, explained to him that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the man grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out his error.

"But before I let you go, Sir, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car ok? These guys seem awfully shaken."

"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute," the old man said. "We just got off Route 119."

[Clockwork Orange]

A woman walks into a sex shop and asks the clerk, "Where are all the dildos?" The clerk points and replies, "They're on that wall over there." The woman looks at the wall for a moment and says, "I'll take that red one right there." The clerk looks at her and says, "No madam, they're on the wall next to the fire extinguisher."

[Clockwork Orange]

Two Irishmen are out in the middle of a lake fishing when a genie lamp comes floating up to the edge of their boat. One of them grabs it, rubs it and a genie pops out. "I'll grant you one wish, anything you want" says the genie. "I want you to turn this lake from water to beer!" says the Irishman.

POOF! The genie turns the lake from water to beer.

The Irishman looks at his buddy and says, "What do you think of that?" To which his buddy replies, "I think you're an a-hole, now we've got to piss in the boat."

[BRONCCRUSHFAN]

Two Irishmen are out in the middle of a lake fishing when a genie lamp comes floating up to the edge of their boat. One of them grabs it, rubs it and a genie pops out. "I'll grant you one wish, anything you want" says the genie. "I want you to turn this lake from water to beer!" says the Irishman.

POOF! The genie turns the lake from water to beer.

The Irishman looks at his buddy and says, "What do you think of that?" To which his buddy replies, "I think you're an a-hole, now we've got to piss in the boat."

Hilarious!

[Clockwork Orange]

A man is at the urinal taking a whizz when a tiny little man, no taller than 4 feet, comes walking up to the urinal next to him. Out of some strange curiosity he looks down at the little man and is stunned when he sees him whip out a freakishly large penis.

The man looks at him and says, "Excuse me, I don't mean to intrude, but you've got the largest dong I've ever seen!" The little man smiles at him and says, "Let me tell you a secret, I'm a leprachaun. I have magical powers and I decided that I wanted a giant penis and boom, there it was." The man then asks him, "Hey, any chance you could make mine that big?" "Sure I can" says the little man, "But you've got to do something for me first. You've got to give me head." The man refuses and the little man smiles and begins to leave when the man stops him. "Allright, come over into this stall......"

When they were finished and the little man was zipping up his fly, he looked at the man, "Hey, what's your name." "Mike," replied the man. "Mike, can I ask you a question?" inquired the little man. "Sure," said Mike. The little man looks him straight in the eyes and says, "Do you really believe in leprachauns?"

[Mtbrncofn]

LOL Good laughs out of all of them...except that ****ty Chevy one. :P