View Full Version : Dumb Criminals
Crush Girl
03-03-2005, 11:28 AM
Okay, this one needs to be added to America's dumbest criminals...
I work for a dinner theatre and we have a large marqee outside with an advertisement for the current show. Someone last night blacked out one of the star's teeth, drew satanic symbols all over her, and wrote "I love Satin" on her forhead. Satin!?
Anyone else have any "dumb criminal" stories?
TexanBob
03-03-2005, 01:26 PM
I remember in the 1970s there was a Supreme Court ruling about affirmative action admissions in college where the plaintiff's name was Alan Bakke. Bakke said he had been denied admission to law school because he was white and the school had set aside spots for blacks whose grades weren't as good as his. The court agreed and told the school to change their admission standards.
A few days later, there was grafitti spray-painted at the local campus "Smash Bakke Desision". I chuckled because these illiterate nimrods were unintentionally proving Bakke's point.
Old Dude
03-03-2005, 01:27 PM
From: http://www.dumbcrooks.com/week.html
"Robbery plan has numerous flaws
A 26-year old Gary, Indiana man thought he had a pretty good plan to get some free smokes. According to authorities, Dan Griggs stole three cartons of cigarettes about 1 a.m. Thursday from a convenience store. As we shall see, the plan had a few flaws.
First, the convenience store was located across the street from the Lake Station Police Department.
Things got worse when, ... Griggs returned to his vehicle to find the doors locked.
Meanwhile, a clerk followed Griggs out of the store and confronted him. Griggs told the clerk it was just a joke and he didn't intend to steal the cigarettes. The clerk didn't believe him and called the police - the ones right across the street.
Griggs then went back into the store, ripped out the telephone cord and demanded money. He then opened the store's lottery machine, took about $50 and fled again.
...
He now had some cash to go with his cigarettes - but that left the problem of the locked getaway car. What to do?
... Griggs returned to the store and grabbed a broom. Dispatchers watched from the police station as Griggs used the broom to smash out a window on his vehicle.
According to the police, Griggs then drove away from the store and promptly ran into an oncoming police cruiser. He fled the car, fell into a ditch and was arrested."
Just this past Monday at a local High School a 17 year old called in a bomb threat from his cell phone! It showed on the caller ID in the school office!??
Police picked him up Quick! What was he Thinkin'?
:kiddingme
FADERPROOF
03-03-2005, 02:04 PM
There was one a few years ago around here, a guy needed to dry out his weed so he decided to use the microwave at the local BP station.
Not a bad plan I guess, but there just so happen to be 2 cops at the cashiers desk paying for their donuts and coffee at the time he walked in and tossed his bag of pot in the microwave to cook it.
Mtbrncofn
03-03-2005, 02:53 PM
Okay, this one needs to be added to America's dumbest criminals...
I work for a dinner theatre and we have a large marqee outside with an advertisement for the current show. Someone last night blacked out one of the star's teeth, drew satanic symbols all over her, and wrote "I love Satin" on her forhead. Satin!?
Anyone else have any "dumb criminal" stories?
LOL
I dunno. In my experience, that satin can be a real bitch at times.
This one happened just the other day around here.
http://www.dailyinterlake.com/articles/2005/03/02/news/news04.txt
Two jailed after bungled heist attempt
Posted: Wednesday, Mar 02, 2005 - 08:39:58 am PST
By CHERY SABOL
The Daily Inter Lake
A couple is in jail after what was apparently a spectacularly botched armed robbery Monday night.
Johna Criner, 33, and Richard Avila, 30, both of Kalispell, face felony charges.
According to Flathead County Sheriff Jim Dupont, Avila walked into Evergreen Gas & Deli on U.S. 2 at about 8:15 p.m. Monday.
He put a single can of beer on the counter and the clerk told him the price.
"He goes, 'No, empty your till,'" Dupont said.
The clerk told the man to get lost.
Then Avila pulled a gun out of his waistband and pulled back the slide, Dupont said.
The gun jammed.
An amused customer in the store told Avila, "If you're going to rob a store, you might get a gun that works," Dupont said.
............
No1BroncoFan
03-03-2005, 06:04 PM
How 'bout some dumb prosecutors? Here's one I heard about...
Over a period of four days, a man "robbed" 15 banks in the midwest, getting mony in varying abounts from all but one. During the course of the trial, each of the bank tellers who were confronted by him gave testomony. It seemed an open and shut case. In every instance his MO was the same. He would hand the teller a paper bag and a note with "Please fill this bag with money." written on it. The prosocuters were so focused on nailing the guy that they never asked themselves if a crime had actually been committed. It's not against the law to ask a teller to fill a bag with money. He never said it was a robbery. He never displayed a weapon (didn't have one in fact) or made any threatening gestures. The teller from the one bank where he did not get any money, while under oath, was asked to give an account of what happened. When he handed her the bag and note, she asked "Is this a robbery?" He replied "No, Thank you very much." and left.
He later sued for wrongful prosocution and on top of winning that case, the money he "stole" eventually had to be returned to him. Over $250,000 from the "heists" and another $250,000 from the wrongful prosocution suit. Not bad pay for a couple days work, a couple weeks in the tank and a three day trial.
Ben
TheManeMan
03-03-2005, 06:08 PM
how about this...I posted it quite awhile ago...pretty funny...
http://img35.exs.cx/img35/2931/GunControl505.gif
Northman
03-03-2005, 06:13 PM
Okay, this one needs to be added to America's dumbest criminals...
I work for a dinner theatre and we have a large marqee outside with an advertisement for the current show. Someone last night blacked out one of the star's teeth, drew satanic symbols all over her, and wrote "I love Satin" on her forhead. Satin!?
Anyone else have any "dumb criminal" stories?
You call that criminal? i call that genius. :woowoo:
I wouldn't classify this act as criminal, just stupid, but remember when the NBA star was arrested before boarding his flight for possession of marijuana?
Dumbass wrapped his weed in tin foil. Metal detector goes off. Takes all kinds man.
Pretty sure it was Damon Stoudamire.
Crush Girl
03-04-2005, 03:13 PM
I wouldn't classify this act as criminal, just stupid, but remember when the NBA star was arrested before boarding his flight for possession of marijuana?
Dumbass wrapped his weed in tin foil. Metal detector goes off. Takes all kinds man.
Pretty sure it was Damon Stoudamire.
Ha! Like the KU football player a few years ago who was arrested for getting stuck in the drive through window at Taco Bell after he tried to jump through because he was p*ssed they gave him the wrong Chalupa. Brilliant!
Arkie
03-04-2005, 04:51 PM
The Darwin Awards (http://www.darwinawards.com/) salute the improvement of the human genome by honoring those who remove themselves from it in really stupid ways.:D
(7 March 2002, Colorado) When Gerald was pulled over by police for erratic driving, he decided it was better to flee from the stolen car on foot, rather than face possible jail time for a parole violation. This was the first of two successive mental lapses. Gerald’s actual thoughts are unknown, but *may* have been something like this: "The officers are only suspicious and alert now... I’ll make them hot, sweaty, tired, and angry by leading them on a wild chase through dark alleys and fields."
During the subsequent foot chase, Gerald attempted to dissuade officers from the pursuit by firing a 9mm Ruger semiautomatic handgun blindly over his shoulder. This was the second illustration of a potential mental deficiency. "Officers are running behind me. They have guns. I have a gun! They have eyes in the front of their heads, so they can see to aim at me. I don't have eyes in the back of my head, so I’ll fire wildly behind me and see what happens!"
Unfortunately, Gerald appears to have been one of those folks who can't chew gum and walk at the same time. Or at least he couldn’t flee and fire at the same time. While discharging the weapon over his shoulder, Gerald managed to shoot himself in the head with his own gun, bringing the chase to a sudden conclusion.
Four shots were fired, none by the officers, who found Gerald's pistol next to his fallen body. Gerald was transported to a local hospital where he expired the following day, thus removing a set of genes deficient in both judgment and coordination from the gene pool.