The funniest thread ever! aka "I'm going to be a rich man!"

[Pezman]

Ok, its been a slow news week so how about some humor? I ripped this from an outdoors forum and while its long, its just so freaking funny...

This is from the Poster named "NSB Photog" playing the part of Captain Chester McGillicuddy in the following messages...

Read on!

May 4th
"Last week I was notified by a company in Norway that I had won The New Hope Foundation Lottery. For information about this organization check out this link:
http://www.snopes.com/inboxer/scams/lottery.htm

I new as soon as I received the email that it was all a scam, however soon temptation and boredom got the best of me and I decided to claim my winnings. I subsequently penned the following letter, and awaited their response..."

******

Date: Tue, 4 May 2004 08:44:23 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Chester McGillicuddy" <captain_mcgillicuddy@*****.com>
Subject: Lottery...
To: the_globalpacific@winningteam.com

To:

MR. MAURICE WILLIAMS,
FOREIGN SERVICE MANAGER,
GLOBAL PACIFIC SECURITY AND VAULT SERVICES

I have been away for some time on a fishing expedition, and it was with great excitement that I read your email from April regarding my selection by a lottery committee.

This good news could not have come at a better time for me personally. As an elderly gentleman this latest voyage on the sea was especially hard on me physically, and I often reflected while gazing upon the deep blue sea how nice it would be to finally retire.

I was instructed in my email to relay the following information to you:

Ref No: NHF/2551256003/53
Batch No:14/0017/IPD
Zonal Draw No: GSLA2-003
Grand Draw No: 12099

I cannot express to you how excited I am. I look forward to hearing from you.

Captain Chester McGillicuddy
US Shrimp Vessel "Kittenpaw"

******

I waited for a few days without a strike, and then suddenly...
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ..... Right Rigger!
-------------------------------------------------------------

Date: Thu, 6 May 2004 17:54:01 +0200
From: williamsmaurice@tiscali.co.uk Add to Address Book
Subject: Congratulations
To: captain_mcgillicuddy@*****.com

Attn: New Hope Foundation Winner
Ref no: GSL/2551256003/53
BATCH NO: 14/0017/spm/ipd

Dear Captain Chester McGillicuddy,

We have verified your claims to ascertain the authenticity and the genuiness of your winnings. Congratulations the confirmation was successful. Thanks for contacting Global Pacific Security and Vault Services. We are a service organization that is into packaging, courier services, advertising and general services. This is to let you know that we will be happy to represent you in the collection of your winnings. On the services we render you can reach us on http://www.gpsvs.org. We have successfully represented other winners in the past two years.

There are two options available for collecting your prize winnings. One of the option set out for collecting your prize winnings is to open an account with Universal Credite Private bank an online private bank on http://www.ucpbnet.cc to facilitate the transfer of your winnings. You are advised to send a mail to the bank on ucpbnet@mail.comand let them know that you want to open an account with them. Your winnings will be paid into this secure private bank that handles payments to all winners. You will be expected to send the account co-ordinate to me to include it in your payment file.

After the prize winnings have been paid into the online bank you can access and order the transfer of your winnings to any destination of your choice.
Note that the on-line bank is a secured private bank that does not normally handle individual accounts as such login into the web-site will be impossible until you contact the bank and they give you the login code. When writing the bank, please quote the following;

Referee: Global pacific securities and vault services
Officer: Mr. Maurice Williams
Ref/Batch number...

Our insistence on all winners opening an account with the online private bank is obvious. Because of recent international terrorism, drug related offences and money laundry, large sums of money been transferred face sever international scrutiny by foreign governments. We have had cases where final payment to winners is unnecessarily delayed because of investigation into source of funds and destination. Though finally the winners get their winnings
after thorough investigation. To guard against this winners are advised to open an online bank, where they can, after their winnings have been paid in, make withdrawal in what ever proportion that is convenient for them. In order words winners can transfer their funds from the online bank in installments. Past winners who have used this method have had nothing but praises for us. We therefor recommend that you make attempt to activate your account with the online bank.

The second option is the postal option. We can arrange to send the draft to your postal address after your claims have been duly processed and amount paid. A draft for the amount you have won will be issued by New Hope Foundation. Deductions are not allowed as you will be getting the face value of the amount you have won. Once received the draft can be paid into your
personal account and it takes five working days to clear through the international banking system. In this option you will be fully responsible for the cost of postage and insurance. This option is generally preferable to winners who do not have the financial might to set up an account. If this is preferable to you please let me know at once so that I send you instruction on how you transfer the postage cost.

In addition find attached the claims forms which you should fill and return to me. Please the information contained should be correct and error free.
Once again congratulations. In your response please indicate the option
you prefer.

I hope you respond very soon.

Yours faithfully,

Maurice Williams.
NB: ALWAYS QUOTE YOUR REF/BATCH NUMBER IN ALL YOUR COMMUNICATION.

******

To say that Captain McGillicuddy is excited would be an understatement. He is now going to initiate the proceedings to collect his money, although for some strange reason I predict that there may be some bumpy seas ahead in the Captains future.
Stay tuned...

PS: Captain McGillicuddy was very impressed that they used his Captain title in their response.


****To be continued.... (trust me it gets better!)

[Pezman]

May 7th

Date: Fri, 7 May 2004 06:48:43 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Chester McGillicuddy" <captain_mcgillicuddy@*****.com>
Subject: Re: Congratulations
To: williamsmaurice@tiscali.co.uk

Mr. Maurice Williams,

I am very pleased to hear from you.

Your communication came at a convenient time, as I am leaving tomorrow for a 5 day tuna hunting excursion in the Atlantic Ocean. Despite the fact I know I will be able to retire soon, I've already committed to the crew of the Kittenpaw and do not wish to let them down. Not to mention the opportunity to enjoy fresh tuna while at sea is heavenly to say the least. I do not think I shall ever tire of that, no matter how rich of a man I am.

I do wish to explore the possibility of having the winnings sent to me via mail. I'm somewhat leary of opening an online bank account. It is usually by some great miracle that I can even start my computer, let alone bank from it. I will be happy to pay any postage or insurance costs incurred, and will try my best to ensure that you are compensated for your troubles as well.

I will await further instruction from you. Once I receive your instructions I will act without haste.

Kindest regards,

Captain Chester McGillicuddy
US Shrimp Vessel "Kittenpaw"

********

$340 is less then I thought it would be, but it's still a lot for an old shrimp boat captain. Captain McGillicuddy is going to go grab some lunch and think about working out a deal with Mr. Williams.
Also Captain McGillicuddy is somewhat disapointed that he was not properly addressed as Captain. He will have to remedy that.

---------------------------------------------------------

Date: Fri, 7 May 2004 16:03:43 +0200
From: williamsmaurice@tiscali.co.uk Add to Address Book
Subject: Postage Cost.
To: "Chester McGillicuddy" <captain_mcgillicuddy@*****.com>




Dear Chester McGillicuddy,

How are you today? Thanks for your quick response. I have receive your email and the attached verification form. Our responsibility is to safely guide you until you collect your prize winnings. I have noted the option that you prefer in receiving your winnings. Arrangement will commence in that direction.

We have already filed application to New Hope Foundation on your behalf for your winnings to be paid. Once the application is approved you will be issued with a certificate of winnings. This certificate is issued to all winners that have been approved for payment by the foundation. The certificate is also an important legal document as you can take legal action if your prize winning is not paid. Also the European Gaming Commission the regulators of all lottery, pools betting and gambling in Europe can take punitive action against the lottery firm if it defaults in payment to winners especially after the prize winning certificate has been issued. Winners are protected by the Commission to guard against unscrupulous activities of funny characters that might want to take advantage of potential winners or use it as publicity stunt.

Once we receive the postage cost, that is after approval has been given and draft issued, we will commence the process of sending the draft to the destination you have stated. Once we send the draft through express delivery, it takes three days for you to receive the draft. You are advised to pay the draft into your personal account once you receive it. It will take another 5 (five) working days for the money to clear in your account. At this point you can withdraw your winnings.

As I earlier informed you, you will have to pay for the postage and insurance prior to sending the draft to you. The charges can be broken down as follows;

Postage Cost? US$65.00
Insurance. ? US$150.00
Admin cost. ? US$125.00

Total Cost... US$340.00

To facilitate the transfer of the draft to you, you should transfer the sum US$340 through Western Union (to find a western union agent near you log on to http://www.westernunion.com) in favor of the Undersign administrative officer;

PETERS HARRIMAN
30 VANDER VILLE GUARDENS
LONDON N2 8HU
UNITED KINGDOM.

Upon payment please furnish me with the details such as Control number, Senders name and address, Receivers name and address etc, to enable us facilitate clearance of the money. In your next communication please include your postal address where you can receive the package by hand. For further inquiry you can call 44 7746 177485.

Hoping to hear from you very soon.

Maurice Williams
Claims Agent.

**********


Date: Fri, 7 May 2004 12:28:03 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Chester McGillicuddy" <captain_mcgillicuddy@*****.com>
Subject: Re: Postage Cost.
To: williamsmaurice@tiscali.co.uk

Mr. Williams,

I am doing splendid. Still reveling in this great news and fortune that has been stowed upon me.

I mean not to be a stickler, but I would greatly appreciate if you use my Captain title when addressing me in further communications. I'm very proud of my Captain status, and liken it to appending the title of Esquire to an attorney's name.

Pardon my inquisition, but I have just a few questions if you do not mind. I did not become the Captain of the Kittenpaw by blindly sailing through life without testing the waters beforehand. I hope you understand.

The postal cost seems a bit high to me. Please, I hope you do not take me questioning this cost as an insult, I'm just trying to gain a better understanding of what takes place, and from past experience when dealing with oversees shipments this seems like a high amount for the mailing of a check.

A few years back I negotiated the purchase of a wife from overseas, and if my memory serves me correctly I only had to pay $50 to get her here with me, and she was a live person, not a piece of paper. (And despite the common conception that women from the Phillipines are quite small and light in weight, this woman was not the case. A real porker if you know what I mean. I was not impressed at all, but I do understand that being the Captain of a shrimping vessel may not be the most desirable trait for the ladies. However I digress.)

The cost of the insurance seems fair. I can only assume that the administration cost would help differ your cost for assisting me in this manner? You seem like an honorable and fair man, and I definitely hope that you are properly compensated for your hard work.

I will take a look at the state of my finances this evening. I wish I could send the money this very instant, but that may not be the case. Maybe Western Union will take the payment in pounds of shrimp? HAHAHAHAHA Do not fret, I have a good feeling about this next fishing trip and suspect we will do well. It should be no problem sending you this money upon my return.

I hope you do not mind my inquisition about the postage costs. I mean no offense.

Fair Winds and Following Seas to you sir,

Captain Chester McGillicuddy
US Shrimp Vessel "Kittenpaw"

rofl

Part III next...

[Pezman]

Captain McGillicuddy has not heard from Mr. Williams while he is out on his tuna fishing trip. The Captain will return on Friday, and then follow up with Mr. Williams to make sure things are still on track.
However, while the Captain was trolling offshore, another line comes to life...

Tel:+ 27-73-299-0304
Dear sir,

I write to solicit for your utmost assistance on a business proposal that would be of immense benefit to both of us involved. I got your contact information while making inquiries through a business Trade Journal for investment purpose in your country.

Permit me to introduce myself. I am Ben Chuks Savimbi, Personal assistant to the late Angolan rebel leader Mr. Jonas Savimbi of Unita Rebels in Angola. I was sent on a diplomatic mission to the Republic of South Africa to purchase arms and ammunition worth
US$ 15 Million (Fifteen Million United States Dollars) and the money was properly arranged and delivered to South Africa by a diplomatic itineraries, a border post monitored by our rebel group.

On my arrival here in South Africa, I had a change of mind and decided to part ways with all the money under my control, following the facts that I had realized that we were fighting for the selfish interest of my late brother, the rebel leader Mr. Jonas Savimbi. Moreover, I decided to give peace a chance to reign for the emancipation of a new era in our country, Angola.

This money in the diplomatic luggage was deposited in a security and finance company here in South Africa for safety reasons and I intend to invest this money in a business that could generate an income for me, as I am no more in service to anybody.

Furthermore, I am presently seeking for political asylum here in South Africa, while making contact to see a way I can move this money to a foreign country where I could invest, as the country South Africa did not permit any investment by refugees.

I decided to contact you to stand as a foreign partner to provide an account where I will lodge this money into as the beneficiary. If you are interested in helping me with this transfer, I am offering you 15% of the total money and 80% is for me while 5% will be for any expenses that could be made in the course of this transaction.

There is no risk involved, as I have made every necessary arrangement for a successful transfer of this money. Always call me through the phone before sending me a fax through the number above.

Thanks while expecting your reply.
Best regards,
Ben Chuks Savimbi.

**************

I reel up tight and set the hook...

Date: Tue, 11 May 2004 12:21:21 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Chester McGillicuddy" <captain_mcgillicuddy@yahoo.com>
Subject: Re: PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL
To: csavimbi6@yahoo.ca

Dear Mr. Savimbi,

I am sorry to hear about your plight. I have read all about the Angolan uprising in the papers. It sounds like quite an event.

I must keep this email brief. I am currently in the Atlantic Ocean aboard the U.S. Shrimp Vessel "Kittenpaw", and have access to my email via satellite, al though it is not cheap.

I am very interested in learning more about your business proposal. As an elderly gentleman, I have longed for the day I can finally retire. Working 20 hours a day every day at sea has taken it's toll on this 87 year old body.

Unfortunately given my current situation at sea I cannot communicate to you via phone or fax. Email will have to suffice.

Please let me know if you wish to succeed.

Captain Chester McGillicuddy
US Shrimping Vessel "Kittenpaw"

PS: Are there any pretty women in Angola?

[Pezman]

And...the fight is on!

Dear Captain Chester McGillicuddy:

Complements of the season, how are you doing? I received your mail and the content were well understood. Please be informed that destiny is an act of God which can only be delayed, but not changed, this business opportunity to you. Moreso, a golden fish has no hiding place in the sea.

But before I go into details of Modalities which my Financial Adviser. Who has been helping me both in planning and strategies regarding the successful transfer of this fund, since every necessary arrangement has been made, simplified and shortened. There are few striking questions; I will like to get the answers straight from your heart.

There are as follows:

1.Are you ready to keep the level of confidentiality needed to realize this transaction?

2.Are you so sure that you will never sit on my own share of the money once fund is transferred into your nominated account overseas?

3.That you will be coming to Johannesburg, South Africa to meet with me and deposit the fund in your account.

4.That your account is active and capable to receive the fund without being questioned by the authorities of your country.

5.How old are you? And what are you doing for your living now?

6.That you will be going to Johannesburg to meet with me and deposit the fund in your account also to sign some necessary documents.

We shall proceed with the business upon receipt of favorable answers on the above raised points. Please, I need your private fax and phone number for easy communications. I would like us to finalize this transaction through private telephone and fax number above for security reasons.

As earlier informed, the fund is deposited with the security company in South Africa as family valuables. The security company however has no knowledge that the box contains any money, thus it must remain confidential.

Meanwhile, you will be required to open a non-resident account in your name on arrival, You will then transfer the fund from your non-resident account into any other account of your choice, outside South Africa, for safe keeping and investment purposes. Waiting for your sincere and genuine response to my questions. Please call me on the above phone number to acknowledge the receipt of this message.

Yours sincerely,

MR. SAVIMBI.

[Pezman]

The Captain is concerned about Mr. Savimbi's attention to detail. He should already know how old the Captain is, as well as what his profession is...
Date: Wed, 12 May 2004 05:41:42 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Chester McGillicuddy" <captain_mcgillicuddy@*****.com>
Subject: Re: WAITING FOR YOUR MAIL.
To: "c savimbi" <csavimbi6@yahoo.ca>

Mr. Savimbi,

I'm looking forward to assisting you in this business venture, however there are a couple of things that already concern me. I am under the assumption that you did not read my previous message, and lack the patience and attention to detail that is necessary for a successful business partnership.

If you would have read my email and paid attention to it's contents, you would already have the answers to some of your questions. You would already know that I am of 87 years of age, and that I am the Captain of a shrimping vessel named the "Kittenpaw". You would also understand that I do not have access to telephone or fax as I am currently at sea aboard my ship, and am only able to communicate through email via a satellite connection.

I am an honorable man, and do agree with the points and stipulations you have made, but I ask you to read my communications more carefully. Please let me know if you wish to continue.

Sincerely,

Captain Chester McGillicuddy
US Shrimp Vessel "Kittenpaw"

PS, Are there any pretty women in Angola? How about Johannesburg? I have been at sea for some time.

[Pezman]

May 13th
Still no word about my lottery winnings, although the Captain returns from his fishing expedition today.
I did receive this from my pal in Africa. Apparently he is still have a problem understanding that I am not able to telephone him since I am at sea. He did not call me Captain. He also has not answered my question about any pretty women in Angola. The Captain will respond to him after lunch...

Date: Thu, 13 May 2004 15:29:36 -0400 (EDT)
From: "c savimbi" <csavimbi6@yahoo.ca>
Subject: I look forward to hear from you very urgent and May Almighty God bless you and your family.
To: captain_mcgillicuddy@*****.com

FROM: Mr. Savimbi.
TEL: +27-83-503-6046
FAX: +27-73-252-0906

ATTN: MR.Chester McGillicuddy.

Dear Chester,

How are you and your family, I would like us to work as a team, brothers for good business partners for better
tomorrow.

Like I earlier explained to you, I would greatly appreciate your assistance in: 1.) Using your bank account to receive the funds on my behalf when they are transferred. In order words, acting as the owner of the funds. 2) Advising on the best possible means of investment in your country. I do not mind if you offer me opportunity to own shares or enter into some form of partnership with you. 3) Assisting in any other possible way that will enhance or expedite the transfer, e.g. sharing some of the costs that may be involved during the transfer process. I would like to mention that this might be necessary because the funds are not accessible to me at the moment until they hit your account.

I humbly request that you stand by me throughout this process, and in return, I promise to reward you as I have already mentioned in my earlier letter to you.

It is my desire to go into partnership with you but we must find a suitable way to establish mutual trust and understanding first, since the success of this business is centered on trust, honesty, capability and confidentiality, if this achieved, we will work with one accord and in confidence since we don’t know ourselves before now. I believe that it was based on this note that made you to give me condition, which I think that is unprofessional from my point of view.

Nevertheless, I want to assure that I am ready and well prepare for the execution of the business, my only concern is your capability of handling a business of this nature, you should understand that the amount involve is large so the transaction will require adequate co-ordination from the both side in order not make any kind of mistake.

I have hence, negotiated and agreed with the overall director of foreign operations, Reserve Bank of South Africa, MR.DANIEL MALOI. To take over this transaction and facilitate transfer to your account with minimum delay.

Since we are in the meeting with the Banker that will help us to finalize everything, the Banker said that they can transfer the money since the money is insured, so what I want to do is for you to give me go ahead, because I have been spending too much here, and also to bring this transaction to this stage.

I wait to receiving your reply as a matter of immediacy, so that we can move forward. Please call me on the above mobile phone to acknowledge the receipt of this mail message.

Thanks for your co-operation, while I look forward to hear from you very urgent and May Almighty God bless you and your family.

Best regards,

Mr. Savimbi.

[Pezman]

Date: Fri, 14 May 2004 10:55:57 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Chester McGillicuddy" <captain_mcgillicuddy@*****.com>
Subject: Re: I look forward to hear from you very urgent and May Almighty God bless you and your family.
To: "c savimbi" <csavimbi6@yahoo.ca>

Mr. Savimbi,

I am pleased to hear from you and I am looking forward to conducting business. I agree that we must establish mutual trust for this business transaction to be successful.

One thing I would like to ask of you is to please address me as Captain in all of our future communications. In my country this is a sign of respect, and the Captain title is one that I worked hard for and am very proud of. All of my employees aboard the Kittenpaw address me this way.

Since we are dealing somewhat anonymously via the internet, I would like to propose that we exchange photos of ourselves holding up a hand-written sentence or code word that only we know of. Doing so would confirm your identity to me and lessen the risk involved. I would be happy to photograph myself with a saying or code word of your choice and email to you. Just tell me what you want the code word to say and I'll digitally take a photo today and email it to you. I trust you would do the same.

I would be happy to assist financially to help start the proceedings, after some trust is gained. The Kittenpaw's rewards of fresh tuna have been bountiful, and business is good. I am happy to commit financial resources to this business venture, knowing that it is a good and safe investment.

Sincerely,

Captain Chester McGillicuddy
US Shrimp Vessel Kittenpaw

PS: I'm beginning to think that there are not any pretty women in Angola or Johannesburg. How about Madagascar? I hear the lemurs are quite lovely.

[Pezman]

Here's the photo I'm going to send him.

http://www.floridaimpressions.com/fs/mcgillicuddy.jpg

Date: Mon, 17 May 2004 07:41:29 -0400 (EDT)
From: "c savimbi" <csavimbi6@yahoo.ca>
Subject: May Almighty God bless you and your family.
To: captain_mcgillicuddy@*****.com

DEAR CAPTAIN MCGILLICUDDY,
THANKS FOR MAIL, THE CODE I WANTS US TO USE IS (JESUS
IS LORD),SO PLEASE SEND IT IMMEDIATELY TO ENABLE ME
SEND MY OWN TOO,AND PLEASE SCAN YOUR INTERNATIONAL
PASSPORT TOO.

PLEASE SEND IT IMMEDATELY TO ENABLE US PROCEED WITHOUT
ANY DELAYING.

THANKS AND ALMIGHTY GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILIES.

WITH REGARDS,

MR.SAVIMBI.

[Pezman]

The Captain just sent me a copy of his reply.
Date: Mon, 17 May 2004 08:31:48 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Chester McGillicuddy" <captain_mcgillicuddy@yahoo.com>
Subject: Re: May Almighty God bless you and your family.
To: "c savimbi" <csavimbi6@yahoo.ca>

Mr. Savimbi,

I am pleased to hear from you, and hope the blessings of King Neptune fall upon thee. Also thanks to you for using my proper Captain title, it is much appreciated and speaks well of our continuing relationship.

I have taken my photo with the code word you requested, and have also attached a copy of my passport. I hope you will find this satisfactory.

In place of a code word I would like to request that you print out the logo that I have attached and photograph yourself holding it. No one has seen this logo before, I have kept it secret as I plan to use it for a future fishing charter business once I receive my money. Once I receive a photo of you holding this logo I will know for certain that you are genuine.

I look forward to your reply,

Captain Chester McGillicuddy
US Shrimp Vessel Kittenpaw

PS: What do you think of my beard? Isn't it macnificient?

http://www.floridaimpressions.com/fs/mcgillicuddy.jpg

http://www.floridaimpressions.com/fs/mcgillicuddypassport.jpg

[Pezman]

May 18

Mr. Savimbi has responded. He did not send the logo that I sent him, and he has butchered the Captain's name. This is not acceptable. The Captain shall respond later, after he calms down. Mr. Savimbi did email me some lovely attachments however...

http://www.floridaimpressions.com/fs/mcgillicuddy/agreementpage1.jpg

http://www.floridaimpressions.com/fs/mcgillicuddy/agreementpage2.jpg

http://www.floridaimpressions.com/fs/mcgillicuddy/agreementpage3.jpg

http://www.floridaimpressions.com/fs/mcgillicuddy/certificateofdeposit.jpg

http://www.floridaimpressions.com/fs/mcgillicuddy/savimbiphoto.jpg

http://www.floridaimpressions.com/fs/mcgillicuddy/savimbirefugeepaper.jpg

More to come...

[Pezman]

Captain McGillicuddy has a son?------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Date: Tue, 18 May 2004 10:58:33 -0400 (EDT)
From: "c savimbi" <csavimbi6@yahoo.ca>
Subject: I look forward to hear from you very urgent and May Almighty God bless you and your family.
To: captain_mcgillicuddy@*****.com

Dear Captain Chester McGillicuddy,

Thanks a lot for all your support and willingness to
assist me. I am really very grateful, and pray God
almighty to bless you abundantly for this.

I have noted that you will use your position to make
this business a success; I will actually be depending
on your able guidance in the area of investment since
I have never been into private business before.Please
My Father, bear in mind that everything your are doing
for progress of this transaction take it as what you
are doing your son because i take you as my father.

Firstly, I have send my photo holding the logo and my
refugee paper including the certificate of deposit and
the agreement pager 1 to 4 and. Please note that you
have to sign the last pager and send it back to me
immediately.

Since we are in the meeting with the Banker that will
help us to finalize everything, the Banker said that
they cannot transfer the money without insure it, so
what I want to do is for you to give me go ahead, then
I will insure the money and send the insurance bond to
you to sign it. I will go to the Security Company and
sign out the money. The only expenses we have now is
the changing of ownership which is ($8,850) which I
want you to help me to pay, because I have been
spending too much here, especially in the Security
Company and also to bring this transaction to this
stage.

I wait to receiving your reply as a matter of
immediacy, so that we can move forward. Thanks for
your co-operation, while I look forward to hear from
you very urgent and May Almighty God bless you and
your family.

Best regards,

MR. BEN CHUKS SAVIMBI.

[Sassy]

Pez, You must be really bored....;D

[watermock]

To facilitate the transfer of the draft to you, you should transfer the sum US$340 through Western Union (to find a western union agent near you log on to http://www.westernunion.com) in favor of the Undersign administrative officer;

PETERS HARRIMAN
30 VANDER VILLE GUARDENS
LONDON N2 8HU
UNITED KINGDOM.

It's incredibly kind for this man to give an address to recieve a Western Union Cash Transfer.

What I find odd is how he managed to get your E-mail address and wanted your personal financial information, along with your personal address.

I would imagine that your social security number along with your date of birth might also be essential to claiming your prize.

[Evenrude]

This is freakin' great.... I love it when people like this get messed with...

[Pezman]

LOL This all came from a fishing board... still though its funny stuff.. It gets even better too...

[Pezman]

Date: Tue, 18 May 2004 09:11:48 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Chester McGillicuddy" <captain_mcgillicuddy@*****.com>
Subject: Re: I look forward to hear from you very urgent and May Almighty God bless you and your family.
To: "c savimbi" <csavimbi6@yahoo.ca>

My son,

Thank you for sending the documents. I have perused them thoroughly and must bring to your attention that my name was used improperly on all of the pages. My legal name is Captain Chester McGillicuddy, NOT Mr. Captain McGillicuddy Chester. I'm afraid that with my name being used improperly that the documents will not be valid. Would it be possible to redraw the documents using my name correctly?

I am flattered that you think of me as a father. You say you are from Angola? Believe it or not, I spent some time in the jungles of Central Africa in my youth. I have attached a photo of me during that time. Maybe you can show it to your mother and see if she recognizes me? I had quite a few lovers at that time.
(Photo Attached)
http://www.floridaimpressions.com/fs/mcgillicuddy/mcgillicuddyinafrica.jpg

As your father, I look forward to offering much advise in the future. I have made quite a successful business for myself, and I will happily share my business secrets with you.

However, I am concerned. You failed to send me a photo of yourself holding the correct logo. I was very specific in my earlier communication that you must photograph yourself holding a printed copy of the logo I sent. I am sending the logo again and ask that you do print it out, photograph yourself and email the photo to me post haste. Again, you are the only other person to see this logo that I have created to use for my new fishing charter business, and only when I see the photo of you holding it will I have verification of your authenticity and commitment to this transaction.

Upon receipt of a photo of you holding a printed copy of the logo I have attached, I will begin to start the proceedings to send you the required money. Please do not forget to correct my name on the documents.

Captain Chester McGillicuddy
US Shrimp Vessel Kittenpaw

PS Do you have a sister?

[Pezman]

He seems a bit annoyed...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Date: Tue, 18 May 2004 15:08:42 -0400 (EDT)
From: "c savimbi" <csavimbi6@yahoo.ca> Add to Address Book
Subject: I wait your response.
To: "Chester McGillicuddy" <captain_mcgillicuddy@yahoo.com>

DEAR FATHER,

Complements of the season, how are you doing? I
received your mail and the content were well
understood.

The documents that I sent to are 6 copies with my
photo holding the correct logo bearing (JESUS IS
LORD). About the agreement that is human error, so
forget about it, is not possible for me to redraw the
documents thus that is secret between me and you only.

Please My Father, kindly send the money before
Thursday being 20/05/04 to enable us proceed
immediately. And please don’t forget to send me your
full address that I will use to come down to your
country, immediately these funds come into your
account. Please tell me if you are ready to send the
money, so I can ask them for their account details.

I only appealed to you to assist me and after share
money with me. If you feel that you are not equal to
the task, you are behaving like someone who is new in
business. How is it possible for you to earn all that
I promised you from this transaction, Listen Captain
Chester McGillicuddy, I have been talking to you like
a Father and partner, but you have been trying to put
me in trouble. This is not what I expected from you
when you decided to assist me. Please do forget about
women matter when we are taking about business please.

My Father, did you receive 6 copies with my photo
holding the correct logo bearing (JESUS IS LORD).

I humbly request that you stand by me throughout this
process, and in return, I promise to reward you as I
have already mentioned in my earlier letter to you.

Furthermore, I thank you for your kind understanding
and patient, while I look forward to a mutual business
relationship with you. I wait your response.

Kind regards,

MR. BEN CHUKS SAVIMBI.

[Pezman]

Date: Tue, 18 May 2004 13:00:14 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Chester McGillicuddy" <captain_mcgillicuddy@*****.com>
Subject: Re: I wait your response.
To: "c savimbi" <csavimbi6@yahoo.ca>

Dear Ben, (may I call you Ben?)

The "Jesus Is Lord" is the code word that you decided upon for me. For security purposes I have asked you twice now to have your photo taken with the correct logo that I have attached in two separate communications. You have failed to do so on both occasions. I do not want to see a photo of you holding a sign that says "Jesus is Lord", I want to see a photo of you holding the graphic logo I have emailed you twice, and am now emailing again. I now want the phrase "Captain McGillicuddy Rules The Sea" also written beneath that logo just to be sure that everything is clear and you are ready to do business with me.

I have been very patient with you so far. I have sent all items you have requested. I have taken you in as my son, but you are not listening to me as one.

Ben, I am your father!

Please obey me as such. Send me the proper logo and phrase and I will gladly send you the money you need.

I must admit to you that I have been in communication with another young man in need of assistance. I am beginning to think that I should send him the money instead. He has already sent me a photo of himself holding the correct phrase that I specified. He is also in need of a fatherly figure in his life. And, believe it or not, the little bugger looks just like me. Small world isn't it?

I shall await your photo holding the logo I have attached for the third time. I am afraid we cannot continue our business transaction until I receive the photo, it is just too risky for me to do otherwise.

I must go now, I have an email to write to Mr. Simba about his proposition.

Best regards,

Captain Chester McGillicuddy
US Shrimp Vessel Kittenpaw

PS, The seas are angry my friend. The seas are angry.

http://www.deutsches-filminstitut.de/hdf/pic/darth_vader_gr.jpg

[Rock Chalk]

Keep it up Pez, Im enthralled.

Im trying to discern whose really screwing with who here.

[Pezman]

Time to drop down the teaser...
-------------------------------------------------------------------

Date: Wed, 19 May 2004 08:59:16 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Chester McGillicuddy" <captain_mcgillicuddy@yahoo.com>
Subject: Son, time is running out...
To: csavimbi6@yahoo.ca

My dearest son,

I have not heard back from you. Is everything okay? Mother is worried sick.

We are fast approaching the deadline. I know you need the money by tomorrow, May 20.

To show you that I am committed to this transaction I have attached a photo of a sum of cash that I have removed from my treasure chest, stored in the galley. I am prepared to take this cash to the Western Union to send to you, however I must receive the proper photo of you holding the fishing logo I emailed previously. Once the photo is in my hands, I will send you the money without hesitation.

Son, just imagine the wealth we will have. Father and son, together at last. The world will be ours. Imagine placing your hands upon the Kittenpaw, and calling it your own. You heard me right, I shall retire and leave the Kittenpaw to you, my son. Ben Chucks Savimbi, Captain of the Kittenpaw! Has a nice ring to it doesn't it? Mother will be so proud.

Are you ready to be a rich man? Are you ready for the adventures that lie in store? All this can be yours for one photo of yourself holding the fishing logo I emailed you. Please do not hesitate, I'm afraid time will run out.

Captain Chester McGillicuddy
US Shrimp Vessel Kittenpaw

PS: Do you like gladiator movies?
http://www.floridaimpressions.com/fs/mcgillicuddy/moneyforwesternunion.jpg

[watermock]

dude, I am slayed.

It's not fair.

[Pezman]

During the battle the line has gone slack. I reel frantically, yet feel no tension on the line for what seems like an eternity. My heart sinks into the pit of my stomach, and I fear the battle has ended.
Then, miraculously, the line pulls taught. The reel comes to life and the battle resumes. The line streaks towards the horizon, the surface erupting as the fish clears the water, showing itself to us again.

It is an amazing site.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

STICKMAN AFRICAN STYLE

http://www.floridaimpressions.com/fs/mcgillicuddy/savimbistickman.jpg
Hilarious!

[Pezman]

The follow-up email I received from him...

Date: Thu, 20 May 2004 09:14:53 -0400 (EDT)
From: "c savimbi" <csavimbi6@yahoo.ca>
Subject: looking forward to hear good news from you.
To: captain_mcgillicuddy@*****.com

MY DEAR FATHER,

I RECEIVE YOUR EMAIL, WHICH THE CONTENTS ARE WELL
NOTED.

FIRSTLY, I WILL LIKE YOU TO SIGN THE AGREEMENT THAT I
SEND TO AND SCAN IT BACK TO ME.

SECONDLY, SEND ME YOUR FULL ADDRESS TO ENABLE ME COME
DOWN TO YOUR COUNTRY IMMEDIATELY THE MONEY TRANSFER TO
YOUR ACCOUNT.

THIRDLY, HOW YOU SHOULD SEND THE MONEY IMMEDIATELY
THROUGH MONEY GRAM OR THAMOS COOK.

1.NAME: ISAAC ANYANWU

ADDRESS: 24 MAINS STREET JOHANNESBURG SOUTH AFRICA.

2.NAME: CHRISTOPHER OKOYE

ADDRESS: 78 PORTO HOUSE YEOVILLE 2198 JOHANNESBURG
SOUTH AFRICA.

PLEASE SEND IT IMMEDIATELY TO ENABLE US PRECEED
WITHOUT ANY DELAYING.

THANKS AND GOD BLESS YOU.

BEST REGARDS,

MR.BEN CHUKS SAVIMBI.

N/B: SEND THE INFORMATIONS AFTER SENDING THE MONEY
IMMEDIATELY TO ENABLE US PROCEED.

[Pezman]

Date: Thu, 20 May 2004 07:08:06 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Chester McGillicuddy" <captain_mcgillicuddy@*****.com>
Subject: Re: looking forward to hear good news from you.
To: "c savimbi" <csavimbi6@yahoo.ca>
Yarrrrrrrr, ahoy me son. I hope this email be not too difficult t' read. T' arthritis in me hands be fierce this mornin', and I'm havin' t' use me speech t' text translator on this computer t' type out this message. I'm currently at sea on t' Kittenpaw, but I plan for return in t' afternoon. I will send t' doubloons immediately after I return t' port. I'll communicate with you once t' doubloons be sent.

http://216.77.188.54/coDataImages/p/Groups/72/72342/folders/145098/1056322P0000724(Small).jpg

I wonder if the Captain could get a book deal out of all this.

I have a good idea of how I'm going to end everything, which will be soon. Stay tuned.

[watermock]

before I go into details of Modalities which my Financial Adviser. Who has been helping me both in planning and strategies regarding the successful transfer of this fund, since every necessary arrangement has been made, simplified and shortened.

I spit up a damn good liter of Bourbon.

[Pezman]

May 20

Date: Thu, 20 May 2004 12:19:56 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Chester McGillicuddy" <captain_mcgillicuddy@*****.com>
Subject: Re: looking forward to hear good news from you.
To: "c savimbi" <csavimbi6@yahoo.ca>

Dearest son,

I have returned from my day of fishing and am prepared to send the money to Mr. Anywho and Mr. Kokomo via Western Union. I know where to send the money, but I do not know how much to send. My memory is not what it used to be, but I do not think you told me how much you need.

I have placed my mark upon the documents, but I have not yet had the time to scan them. I shall do that shortly.

If you are planning on coming to my country, how about I come and pick you up in the Kittenpaw? If you have never sailed the open seas aboard a shrimp vessel, it truely is quite an experience. It should not be a long sail from Africa.

Also, I hope you do not mind, but I showed your photo to Ms. Cornshucker, our shrimp cleaner. She is quite enamored, and thinks you are quite the handsome fellow. She asked that I send you her photo, and hopes she can meet you aboard the Kittenpaw some time in the future. What do you think of her?

Please tell me the amount you need me to send as soon as you can. I hate to make you wait any more then you have already.

Captain Chester McGillicuddy
US Shrimp Vessel Kittenpaw

PS: Do you like polka music?

http://www.floridaimpressions.com/fs/mcgillicuddy/cornshucker.jpg

[Rock Chalk]

" If you have never sailed the open seas aboard a shrimp vessel, it truely is quite an experience."

A BAD experience.

[watermock]

I won a vacume cleaner from Russia named Natasia.

Should I claim my prize or wait for mail confirmation?

[Pezman]

Still no word from Mr. Savimbi. I'm afraid that asking for a clearer photo will break the line.

I have a good ending in store. Stay tuned.

PS: The Captain is 87 years of age.


May 21st

Unfortunately, all stories must come to an end. Some stories have happy endings. Some stories have sad endings...
Date: Fri, 21 May 2004 13:46:43 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Maurice Williams" <mauricewilliams69@*****.com>
Subject: Please Read: Important Business
To: csavimbi6@yahoo.ca

Mr. Savimbi,

My name is Mr. Maurice Williams. I am the personal attorney to Captain Chester McGillicuddy.

I regret to inform you that the Captain's shrimp vessel, the notorious "Kittenpaw", was destroyed yesterday afternoon during a storm. I have attached the newspaper article that was in the newspaper today, as well as a photo that was taken of the Kittenpaw in it's final place of rest. Captain McGillicuddy is missing, and presumed to have drowned and perished in the storm.

As Captain McGillicuddy's attorney, I have been placed in charge with the dispersal of Captain McGillicuddy's estate. While going through the Captain's personal effects, I discovered some printed communications between you and the Captain. From the information I have gathered, you are the Captain's only heir, and therefore now qualify for inheritance of the Captain's belongings.

I have spent the greater part of the day determing the contents of Captain McGillicuddy's estate. Based on my records you stand to inherit the following items:

-One chest filled with gold coins and various international currency
-One parrot, slightly insane
-One jar of pickles, half full (or half empty?)
-One yellow rain slicker, minor damage
-4 tons of frozen shrimp, valued at $39,600 US Dollars
-One chimpanzee, approximately 75 years old
-One gold Buddha statue
-A large hook, worn in place of hand
-One lifetime subscription to Phillipino Bride magazine
-One carrot, mildly nibbled
-Collection of photographs from around the world
-$23,871.35 in US Currency

Please contact me as soon as possible so that I can arrange for the delivery of these items to you. You may contact me either by phone, fax or physical address. My contact information is as follows:

Mr. Maurice Williams, Esquire
Phone: 44 7746 177485
** VANDER VILLE GUARDENS
LONDON N2 8HU
UNITED KINGDOM

http://www.floridaimpressions.com/fs/mcgillicuddy/kittenpawwrecked.jpg

http://www.floridaimpressions.com/fs/mcgillicuddy/newspaper.jpg

I still have not received any word from the Captain McGillicuddy. I suspect we may not hear from him for some time. I promise that if I do hear anything, I'll be sure to share it with everyone.

-Tom

PS: How long does it take to swim to Africa?

A synopsis of the Captain's adventures will soon be documented on his website, which is currently in development. Still no word from the Captain himself, however he can be reached at captain_mcgillicuddy@yahoo.com.

THE END!

[Pezman]

Needless to say, when I came across this, I nearly died laughing! The gladiator movies bit and the shipping of former brides had me in stitches forever!

Here's the original link http://outdoorsbest.zeroforum.com/zerothread?id=200606&page=1

Classic stuff eh...

[watermock]

Here is a really funny story.

This idiot gets a mail from Publishers Clearinghouse.

The they tell him he's won like 20 million or whatever.

This idiot goes to a lawyer.

Want to know what this lawyer tells him? You won't believe it.

This lawyer tells him he has won 20 million. Mock told him he was an idiot and explained the hyperbole.

I am not sure how it is more funny than pathetic, but I got a good laugh about it. He running round like a fool thinking he could buy the local car dealership.

I kept explaining the print.

What amazed me is how a legitimate lawyer told him he had won. like this clown had not seen a Publishers Clearinghouse SpamPaper.

He's a damn Lawyer. so I was broken down into tears.

[Mr Chatterboodamn]

Needless to say, when I came across this, I nearly died laughing! The gladiator movies bit and the shipping of former brides had me in stitches forever!

really well done... that would be great if he bilked the african out of some money in the end.

rep if it let me again

[watermock]

This fool thought he had won millions of dollars. I literally fell of my stool. I literally died.

[Pezman]

It makes me appriciate the spam filter on my e-mail. Although occasionally I'm get one through... The amazing thing is that there are so many people who fall for this stuff still.

If ever my grandma knew how to use the internet, I'd be horrified to think all the scams she would fall for.

[watermock]

I am sorry to sa this, but i might know more about this than you know.

one is to let you move your intentional phone number.

They also desperatly try to push in trojans.

Second, your Email crap promising you something.

Damn Cats. supposed to storm like Noah and i barely get them in.

Tell them that your planning on sending the 340 to accept your winnings.

Then contact Scotland Yard. I am sure they might be amused.

[Pezman]

Classic! That board has started mass e-mailing that spammer. Good to see the good guys win a battle...

R.I.P. Captain... RIP...

The beauty of it is that both Maurice Williams and Mr. Savimbi are indeed real "scammers" out there in internet land somewhere. As proof I have attached screen captures from Captain McGillicuddy's email inbox. You will notice that the dates of each email match up with the contents of the emails I posted in the thread.
The Captain's Inbox...

http://www.floridaimpressions.com/fs/mcgillicuddy/inbox.gif

[epicSocialism4tw]

That was purely a thing of beauty. I am waiting for the movie to come out! How great is the T-shirt with the S. African dude holding a printout of a stickfigure of a fisherman? Beautiful!

[epicSocialism4tw]

You know, someone should start an organization whose sole purpose is to do things like this to those scumbags.

[Pezman]

Heh, a bump for old times sake. Gotta love those Nigerian scams :rofl:

[Crushaholic]

Thanks for the bump, Pez. That was great...LOL

[epicSocialism4tw]

One of the all-time greats. Capt. MacGillicutty forever!

[broncoholic]

Some other good ones here...
http://419eater.com/index.htm

This guy even gets some of the Nigerian scam artists to tattoo themselves.