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SeahawkTalons
01-28-2014, 04:23 PM
Seattle win 58.3%
Denver win 41.7%

Interesting. There must be something wrong here brahs?
http://www.footballoutsiders.com

ColoradoDarin
01-28-2014, 04:24 PM
This message is hidden because SeahawkTalons is on your ignore list (http://www.orangemane.com/BB/profile.php?do=ignorelist).

SonOfLe-loLang
01-28-2014, 04:25 PM
"Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?"

SonOfLe-loLang
01-28-2014, 04:26 PM
"Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?"

SonOfLe-loLang
01-28-2014, 04:26 PM
"Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?"

SonOfLe-loLang
01-28-2014, 04:27 PM
"Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?"

ColoradoDarin
01-28-2014, 04:27 PM
It all started when our (former porn) star, Duh, woke up in a magical cornfield. It was the tenth time it had happened. Feeling abundantly displeased, Duh backhanded a wolverine, thinking it would make her feel better (but as usual, it did not). Unaware of the bleakness of existence, she realized that her beloved iPad was missing! Immediately she called her so-called friend, Leslie. Duh had known Leslie for (plus or minus) 2,000 years, the majority of which were curious ones. Leslie was unique. She was charismatic though sometimes a little... stupid. Duh called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Leslie picked up to a very glad Duh. Leslie calmly assured her that most Indonesian devil cats cringe before mating, yet spotted wolf hamsters usually flamboyantly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Duh. Why was Leslie trying to distract Duh? Because she had snuck out from Duh's with the iPad only seven days prior. It was a saucy little iPad... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Duh got back to the subject at hand: her iPad. Leslie yawned. Relunctantly, Leslie invited her over, assuring her they'd find the iPad. Duh grabbed her giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Leslie realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the iPad and she had to do it skillfully. She figured that if Duh took the rice rocket, she had take at least five minutes before Duh would get there. But if she took the Segway? Then Leslie would be alarmingly screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Leslie was interrupted by six stupid marmots that were lured by her iPad. Leslie shuddered; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling worried, she aggressively reached for her banana and randomly attacked every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the lemur-infested moor, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Segway rolling up. It was Duh.

----o0o----

As she pulled up, she felt a sense of urgency. She had had to make an unscheduled stop at Texaco to pick up a 12-pack of ninja stars, so she knew she was running late. With a calculated leap, Duh was out of the Segway and went charismatically jaunting toward Leslie's front door. Meanwhile inside, Leslie was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the iPad into a box of dangerous oil-soaked rags and then slid the box behind her hammock. Leslie was exasperated but at least the iPad was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Leslie sassily purred. With a quick push, Duh opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some clueless coke fiend in a best-in-its-so-called-'class' sedan,' she lied. 'It's fine,' Leslie assured her. Duh took a seat wonderfully far from where Leslie had hidden the iPad. Leslie belched trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Duh was distracted. Absolutely thrilled, Leslie noticed a clueless look on Duh's face. Duh slowly opened her mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Leslie felt a stabbing pain in her fingernail when Duh asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the iPad right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A oafish look started to form on Duh's face. She turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's ripened avocados from when she used to have pet Indonesian devil cats. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Duh nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Leslie could react, Duh thoughtfully lunged toward the box and opened it. The iPad was plainly in view.

Duh stared at Leslie for what what must've been three days. As if it really mattered Leslie groped charismatically in Duh's direction, clearly desperate. Duh grabbed the iPad and bolted for the door. It was locked. Leslie let out a eccentric chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Duh,' she rebuked. Leslie always had been a little insensitive, so Duh knew that reconciliation was not an option; she needed to escape before Leslie did something crazy, like... start chucking gerbils at her or something. A few unsatisfying minutes later, she gripped her iPad tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Leslie looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Duh. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame six days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Duh. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Leslie walked over to the window and looked down. Duh was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Duh was struggling to make her way through the magical cornfield behind Leslie's place. Duh had severely hurt her love handle during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral marmots suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the iPad. One by one they latched on to Duh. Already weakened from her injury, Duh yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing she saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of marmots running off with her iPad.

About nine hours later, Duh awoke, her ear throbbing. It was dark and Duh did not know where she was. Deep in the humid bush, Duh was exceedingly lost. Before anyone could take off their pants, she remembered that her iPad was taken by the marmots. But at that point, she was just thankful for her life. That's when, to her horror, a enlarged marmot emerged from the magical cornfield. It was the alpha marmot. Duh opened her mouth to scream but was cut short when the marmot sunk its teeth into Duh's ear. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Duh's lungs, but not before she realized that she was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Leslie was entombed by anguish over the loss of the iPad. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened potato. With a quick thrust, she buried it deeply into her fingernail. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Duh... wishing she had found the courage to tell her that she loved her. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the iPad that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant marmots, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

SonOfLe-loLang
01-28-2014, 04:28 PM
"Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?"

ColoradoDarin
01-28-2014, 04:28 PM
It all started when our uber geek, Duh, woke up in a foxy forest. It was the tenth time it had happened. Feeling abnormally relieved, Duh stroked a carrot, thinking it would make her feel better (but as usual, it did not). As if it really mattered she realized that her beloved iPad was missing! Immediately she called her parole officer, Leslie. Duh had known Leslie for (plus or minus) 200,000 years, the majority of which were eccentric ones. Leslie was unique. She was intelligent though sometimes a little... annoying. Duh called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Leslie picked up to a very unhappy Duh. Leslie calmly assured her that most 3-legged wallabies turn red before mating, yet disease-carrying chipmunks usually earnestly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Duh. Why was Leslie trying to distract Duh? Because she had snuck out from Duh's with the iPad only six days prior. It was a flamboyant little iPad... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Duh got back to the subject at hand: her iPad. Leslie sighed. Relunctantly, Leslie invited her over, assuring her they'd find the iPad. Duh grabbed her giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Leslie realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the iPad and she had to do it aimlessly. She figured that if Duh took the curb-jumping ghetto sled (Impala), she had take at least nine minutes before Duh would get there. But if she took the Segway? Then Leslie would be alarmingly screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Leslie was interrupted by ten selfish marmots that were lured by her iPad. Leslie sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling relieved, she aptly reached for her live hand grenade and fearlessly hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the magical cornfield, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Segway rolling up. It was Duh.

----o0o----

As she pulled up, she felt a sense of urgency. She had had to make an unscheduled stop at Big Lots to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so she knew she was running late. With a careful leap, Duh was out of the Segway and went wildly jaunting toward Leslie's front door. Meanwhile inside, Leslie was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the iPad into a box of potatos and then slid the box behind her giraffe. Leslie was frustrated but at least the iPad was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Leslie surreptitiously purred. With a deft push, Duh opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some stupid rationality-deprived retard in a homemade car,' she lied. 'It's fine,' Leslie assured her. Duh took a seat just under where Leslie had hidden the iPad. Leslie sighed trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Duh was distracted. Suddenly cheered up by the Hamtaro theme song, Leslie noticed a abrasive look on Duh's face. Duh slowly opened her mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Leslie felt a stabbing pain in her ear when Duh asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the iPad right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A clueless look started to form on Duh's face. She turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's ninja stars from when she used to have pet spotted wolf hamsters. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Duh nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Leslie could react, Duh skillfully lunged toward the box and opened it. The iPad was plainly in view.

Duh stared at Leslie for what what must've been seven nanoseconds. Ever so extemperaneously, Leslie groped flamboyantly in Duh's direction, clearly desperate. Duh grabbed the iPad and bolted for the door. It was locked. Leslie let out a striking chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Duh,' she rebuked. Leslie always had been a little selfish, so Duh knew that reconciliation was not an option; she needed to escape before Leslie did something crazy, like... start chucking wolverines at her or something. Before anyone could take off their pants, she gripped her iPad tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Leslie looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Duh. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame eight days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Duh. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Leslie walked over to the window and looked down. Duh was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Duh was struggling to make her way through the imaginery desert behind Leslie's place. Duh had severely hurt her taint during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral marmots suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the iPad. One by one they latched on to Duh. Already weakened from her injury, Duh yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing she saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of marmots running off with her iPad.

About three hours later, Duh awoke, her double chin throbbing. It was dark and Duh did not know where she was. Deep in the muddy foxy forest, Duh was abnormally lost. As if it really mattered she remembered that her iPad was taken by the marmots. But at that point, she was just thankful for her life. That's when, to her horror, a teensy marmot emerged from the swamp. It was the alpha marmot. Duh opened her mouth to scream but was cut short when the marmot sunk its teeth into Duh's scalp. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Duh's lungs, but not before she realized that she was a failure.

Less than ten miles away, Leslie was entombed by anguish over the loss of the iPad. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened potato. With a heroic thrust, she buried it deeply into her kidney. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Duh... wishing she had found the courage to tell her that she loved her. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the iPad that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant marmots, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

Requiem
01-28-2014, 04:29 PM
http://www.desktopaper.com/wp-content/uploads/imaginative-big-lion-wallpaper.jpg

ColoradoDarin
01-28-2014, 04:30 PM
Debbie stared at Leslie for what what must've been two nanoseconds. Suddenly cheered up by the Hamtaro theme song, Leslie groped sassily in Debbie's direction, clearly desperate. Debbie grabbed the life and bolted for the door. It was locked. Leslie let out a exotic chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Debbie,' she rebuked. Leslie always had been a little annoying, so Debbie knew that reconciliation was not an option; she needed to escape before Leslie did something crazy, like... start chucking wolverines at her or something. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, she gripped her life tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Leslie looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Debbie. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Debbie. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Leslie walked over to the window and looked down. Debbie was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Debbie was struggling to make her way through the fanstic pumpkin patch behind Leslie's place. Debbie had severely hurt her kidney during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockroachs suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the life. One by one they latched on to Debbie. Already weakened from her injury, Debbie yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing she saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockroachs running off with her life.

But then God came down with His clever smile and restored Debbie's life. Feeling displeased, God smote the cockroachs for their injustice. Then He got in His tricked out go kart and sputtered away with the fortitude of 200,000 spotted wolf hamsters running from a little pack of long-haired sea monkeys. Debbie skipped with joy when she saw this. Her life was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in ten minutes her favorite TV show, Housewives, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When venomous koalas meet pipe bomb'). Debbie was excited. And so, everyone except Leslie and a few contraceptive-toting 3-legged wallabies lived blissfully happy, forever after.

SonOfLe-loLang
01-28-2014, 04:30 PM
"Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?""Just make it go away, I beg you," said David Mitchell, who added that he and another passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. "I can't stand looking at it anymore. I just can't stand it. What have we done?"

Requiem
01-28-2014, 04:30 PM
http://members.outpost10f.com/~lindax/spongebob/wallpaper/14_1024x768.jpg

SonOfLe-loLang
01-28-2014, 04:31 PM
Tiger, gator removed from Harlem apartment
Police: Tenant charged with reckless endangerment

Monday, October 6, 2003 Posted: 10:19 AM EDT (1419 GMT)


Video from a police surveillance camera shows the tiger resting in a Harlem apartment Saturday.
Video from a police surveillance camera shows the tiger resting in a Harlem apartment Saturday.
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NEW YORK (CNN) -- A man who kept a 400- to 500-pound Bengal tiger and a 3-foot alligator as roommates in his Harlem apartment was in custody Sunday, charged with reckless endangerment, police said.

Police Commissioner Raymond Kelly said the tale began Wednesday, when police officers responded to a call of a dog bite at the 19-story public housing apartment building. They found Antoine Yates, 31, in the lobby, with injuries to his right arm and right leg that he told police had been caused by a pit bull, Kelly said.

Yates was taken to Harlem Hospital, where he was admitted for treatment.

Thursday, an anonymous caller told police that "someplace in the city, there was a large wild animal," Kelly said. "There was a large wild animal who was biting people."

The tipster called back Friday night, saying that the "wild animal" was at Yates' apartment, Kelly said.

When police returned Saturday to the apartment building to investigate, a resident told them the tenants included a tiger. Yates -- who had checked himself out of the hospital -- was nowhere to be found.

Police talked with a neighbor who said the man in the apartment owned a tiger. A fourth-floor resident complained that urine had seeped through her ceiling from Yates' apartment, Kelly said.

ColoradoDarin
01-28-2014, 04:31 PM
It all started when our adventure-loving...adventurer, Debbie, woke up in a secret vineyard. It was the sixth time it had happened. Feeling alarmingly puzzled, Debbie poked a banana, thinking it would make her feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, she realized that her beloved life was missing! Immediately she called her parole officer, Leslie. Debbie had known Leslie for (plus or minus) 11,000 years, the majority of which were electric ones. Leslie was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... clueless. Debbie called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Leslie picked up to a very unctuous Debbie. Leslie calmly assured her that most man-eating capybaras cringe before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually explosively sigh *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Debbie. Why was Leslie trying to distract Debbie? Because she had snuck out from Debbie's with the life only two days prior. It was a curious little life... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Debbie got back to the subject at hand: her life. Leslie turned red. Relunctantly, Leslie invited her over, assuring her they'd find the life. Debbie grabbed her refrigerator and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Leslie realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the life and she had to do it fearlessly. She figured that if Debbie took the homemade car, she had take at least ten minutes before Debbie would get there. But if she took the Segway? Then Leslie would be very screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Leslie was interrupted by seven stupid cockroachs that were lured by her life. Leslie yawned; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling displeased, she fearlessly reached for her dangerous oil-soaked rag and fearlessly backhanded every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the foxy forest, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Segway rolling up. It was Debbie.

----o0o----

As she pulled up, she felt a sense of urgency. She had had to make an unscheduled stop at Big Lots to pick up a 12-pack of dull pencils, so she knew she was running late. With a apt leap, Debbie was out of the Segway and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Leslie's front door. Meanwhile inside, Leslie was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the life into a box of carrots and then slid the box behind her whale. Leslie was concerned but at least the life was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Leslie scandalously purred. With a inept push, Debbie opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling self-righteous ass in a Jap Trap,' she lied. 'It's fine,' Leslie assured her. Debbie took a seat just perfectly far from where Leslie had hidden the life. Leslie belched trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Debbie was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Leslie noticed a insensitive look on Debbie's face. Debbie slowly opened her mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Leslie felt a stabbing pain in her kidney when Debbie asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the life right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A dimwitted look started to form on Debbie's face. She turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's ripened avocados from when she used to have pet venomous koalas. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Debbie nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Leslie could react, Debbie carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The life was plainly in view.

Debbie stared at Leslie for what what must've been two nanoseconds. Suddenly cheered up by the Hamtaro theme song, Leslie groped sassily in Debbie's direction, clearly desperate. Debbie grabbed the life and bolted for the door. It was locked. Leslie let out a exotic chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Debbie,' she rebuked. Leslie always had been a little annoying, so Debbie knew that reconciliation was not an option; she needed to escape before Leslie did something crazy, like... start chucking wolverines at her or something. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, she gripped her life tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Leslie looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Debbie. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Debbie. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Leslie walked over to the window and looked down. Debbie was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Debbie was struggling to make her way through the fanstic pumpkin patch behind Leslie's place. Debbie had severely hurt her kidney during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockroachs suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the life. One by one they latched on to Debbie. Already weakened from her injury, Debbie yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing she saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockroachs running off with her life.

But then God came down with His clever smile and restored Debbie's life. Feeling displeased, God smote the cockroachs for their injustice. Then He got in His tricked out go kart and sputtered away with the fortitude of 200,000 spotted wolf hamsters running from a little pack of long-haired sea monkeys. Debbie skipped with joy when she saw this. Her life was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in ten minutes her favorite TV show, Housewives, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When venomous koalas meet pipe bomb'). Debbie was excited. And so, everyone except Leslie and a few contraceptive-toting 3-legged wallabies lived blissfully happy, forever after.

SonOfLe-loLang
01-28-2014, 04:32 PM
Alice,
I heard that anal sex causes the rectum/anus to become larger and creates problems with going to the bathroom. Can you please tell me what the risks are when it comes to anal sex beyond the normal STI/STD and pregnancy risk? Are there any risks involved with anal sex that are not involved with oral or vaginal? Thanks in advance.

—Anal Wonders

Dear Anal Wonders,

Anal sex enthusiasts can relax (a good thing to do during anal sex!), because contrary to what you heard, anal sex does not loosen the anus or cause an inability to control bowel movements. However, there can be risks associated with anal sex other than sexually transmitted infections (STIs), so it's important to take steps to minimize these risks.

Friction, the enemy of pleasure and safety during sex, is produced during anal sex, much as it is during vaginal sex. However, friction may be more of an issue during anal sex because the lining of the anus is more delicate and produces less natural lubricant than the vagina.

Steps to safer anal sex include:

Being very gentle and moving slowly
Using plenty of lubricants (not just saliva)
Using a condom
Avoiding spermicide, which may irritate the rectum
Never moving from anal to vaginal sex without first changing condoms
Stopping if there is severe pain during penetration
Anal sex may make a person more susceptible to bacterial infection around the anus and rectum. This is because the lining of the rectum is not as heavy as the lining of the vagina, so it is more susceptible to tears. If the anus or rectum does get torn, it does not heal as quickly. Because feces that pass through the rectum contain bacteria, any tear in the lining is at risk of getting infected. Lining tears may lead to other problems such as an anal abscess, which

SonOfLe-loLang
01-28-2014, 04:32 PM
..Alice,
I heard that anal sex causes the rectum/anus to become larger and creates problems with going to the bathroom. Can you please tell me what the risks are when it comes to anal sex beyond the normal STI/STD and pregnancy risk? Are there any risks involved with anal sex that are not involved with oral or vaginal? Thanks in advance.

—Anal Wonders

Dear Anal Wonders,

Anal sex enthusiasts can relax (a good thing to do during anal sex!), because contrary to what you heard, anal sex does not loosen the anus or cause an inability to control bowel movements. However, there can be risks associated with anal sex other than sexually transmitted infections (STIs), so it's important to take steps to minimize these risks.

Friction, the enemy of pleasure and safety during sex, is produced during anal sex, much as it is during vaginal sex. However, friction may be more of an issue during anal sex because the lining of the anus is more delicate and produces less natural lubricant than the vagina.

Steps to safer anal sex include:

Being very gentle and moving slowly
Using plenty of lubricants (not just saliva)
Using a condom
Avoiding spermicide, which may irritate the rectum
Never moving from anal to vaginal sex without first changing condoms
Stopping if there is severe pain during penetration
Anal sex may make a person more susceptible to bacterial infection around the anus and rectum. This is because the lining of the rectum is not as heavy as the lining of the vagina, so it is more susceptible to tears. If the anus or rectum does get torn, it does not heal as quickly. Because feces that pass through the rectum contain bacteria, any tear in the lining is at risk of getting infected. Lining tears may lead to other problems such as an anal abscess, which

SonOfLe-loLang
01-28-2014, 04:33 PM
What a horrible experience! From that day forward i kept my clothes on at all times unless I was ABSOLUTELY SURE we were alone!

Houshyamama
01-28-2014, 04:43 PM
http://i.imgur.com/sK1y5Zq.jpg?1

UberBroncoMan
01-28-2014, 04:51 PM
"Harry had never believed he would meet a boy he hated more than Dudley, but that was before he met Draco Malfoy. Still, first-year Gryffindors only had Potions with the Slytherins, so they didn't have to put up with Malfoy much. Or at least, they didn't until they spotted a notice pinned up in the Gryffindor common room that made them all groan. Flying lessons would be starting on Thursday- and Gryffindor and Slytherin would be learning together.
"Typical," said Harry darkly. "Just what I always wanted. To make a fool of myself on a broomstick in front of Malfoy."
He had been looking forward to learning to fly more than anything else.
"You don't know that you'll make a fool of yourself," said Ron reasonably. "Anyway, I know Malfoy's always going on about how good he is at Quidditch, but I bet that's all talk."
Malfoy certainly did talk about flying a lot. He complained loudly about first years never getting on the house Quidditch teams and told long, boastful stories that always seemed to end with him narrowly escaping Muggles in helicopters. He wasn't the only one, though: the way Seamus Finnigan told it, he'd spent most of his childhood zooming around the countryside on his broomstick. Even Ron would tell anyone who'd listen about the time he'd almost hit a hang glider on Charile's old broom. Everyone from wizarding families talked about Quidditch constantly. Ron had already had a big argument with Dean Thomas, who shared their dormitory, about soccer. Ron couldn't see what was exciting about a game with only one ball where no one was allowed to fly. Harry had caught Ron prodding Dean's poster of West Ham soccer team, trying to make the players move.
Neville had never been on a broomstick in his life, because his grandmother had never let him near one. Privately, Harry felt she'd had good reason, because Neville managed to have an extraordinary number of accidents even with both feet on the ground.
Hermione Granger was almost as nervous about flying as Neville was. This was something you couldn't learn by heart out of a book- not that she hadn't tried. At breakfast on Thursday she bored them all stupid with flying tips she'd gotten out of a library book called Quidditch Through the Ages. Neville has hanging on to her every word, desperate for anything that might help him hang on to his broomstick later, but everybody else was very pleased when Hermione's lecture was interrupted by the arrival of the mail.
(Rowling, pp 143-144)

At three-thirty that afternoon, Harry, Ron, and the other Gryffindors hurried down the front steps onto the grounds for their first flying lesson. It was a clear, breezy day, and the grass rippled under their feet as they marched down the sloping lawns toward a smooth, flat lawn on teh opposite side of the grounds to the forbidden forest, whose trees were swaying darkly in the distance.
The Slytherins were already there, and so were twenty broomsticks lying in neat lines on the ground. Harry had heard Fred and George Weasley complain about the school brooms, saying that some of them started to vibrate if you flew too high, or always flew slightly to the left.
Their teacher, Madam Hooch, arrived. She had short, gray hair, and yellow eyes like a hawk.
"Well, what are you all waiting for?" she barked. "Everyone stand by a broomstick. Come on, hurry up."
Harry glanced down at his broom. It was old and some of the twigs stuck out at odd angles.
"Stick out your right hand over your broom," called Madam Hooch at the front, "and say 'UP!'"
"UP!" everyone shouted.
Harry's broom jumped into his hand at once, but it was one of the few that did. Hermione Granger's had simply rolled over on the ground, and Neville's hadn't moved at all. Perhaps brooms, like horses, could tell when you were afraid, thought Harry; there was a quaver in Neville's voice that said only too clearly that he wanted to keep his feet on the ground.
Madam Hooch then showed them how to mount their brooms without sliding off the end, and walked up and down the rows correcting their grips. Harry and Ron were delighted when she told Malfoy he'd been doing it wrong for years.
"Now, when I blow my whistle, you kick off from the ground, hard," said Madam Hooch. "Keep your brooms steady, rise a few feet, and then come straight back down by leaning forward slightly. On my whistle- three- two-"
But Neville, nervous and jumpy and frightened of being left on the ground, pushed off hard before the whistle had touched Madam Hooch's lips.
"Come back, boy!" she shouted, but Neville was rising straight up like a cork shot out of a bottle- twelve feet- twenty feet. Harry saw his scared white face look down at the ground falling away, saw him gasp, slip sideways off the broom and-
WHAM- a thud and a nasty crack and Neville lay facedown on the grass in a heap. His broomstick was still rising higher and higher, and started to drift lazily toward the forbidden forest and out of sight.
Madam Hooch was bending over Neville, her face as white as his.
"Broken wrist," Harry heard her mutter. "Come on, boy- it's all right, up you get."
She turned to the rest of the class.
"None of you is to move while I take this boy to the hospital wing! You leave those brooms where they are or you'll be out of Hogwarts before you can say 'Quidditch.' Come on, dear."
Neville, his face tear-streaked, clutching his wrist, hobbled off with Madam Hooch, who had her arm around him.
No sooner were they out of earshot than Malfoy burst into laughter.
"Did you see his face, the great lump?"
The other Slytherins joined in.
"Shut up, Malfoy," snapped Parvati Patil.
"Ooh, sticking up for Longbottom?" said Pansy Parkinson, a hard-faced Slytherin girl. "Never thought you'd like fat little crybabies, Parvati."
"Look!" said Malfoy, darting forward and snatching something out of the grass. "It's that stupid thing Longbottom's gran sent him."
The Remembrall glittered in the sun as he held it up.
"Give that her, Malfoy," said Harry quietly. Everyone stopped talking to watch.
Malfoy smiled nastily.
"I think I'll leave it somewhere for Longbottom to find- how about- up a tree?"
"Give it here!" Harry yelled, but Malfoy had leapt onto his broomstick and taken off. He hadn't been lying, he could fly well. Hovering level with the topmost branches of an oak he called, "Come and get it, Potter! "
Harry grabbed is broom.
"No!" shouted Hermione Granger. "Madam Hooch told us not to move- you'll get us all into trouble."
Harry ignored her. Blood was pounding in his ears. He mounted the broom and kicked hard against the ground and up, up he soared; air rushed through his hair, and his robes whipped out behind him- and in a rush of fierce joy he'd found something he could do without being taught- this wa easy, this was wonderful. He pulled his broomstick up a little to take it even higher, and heard screams and gasps of girls back on the ground and an admiring whoop from Ron.
He turned his broomstick sharply to face Malfoy in midair. Malfoy looked stunned.
"Give it here," Harry called, "or I'll knock you off that broom!"
"Oh, yeah?" said Malfoy, trying to sneer, but looking worried.
Harry knew, somehow, what to do. He lean forward and grasped the broom tightly in both hands, and it shot toward Malfoy like a javelin. Malfoy only just got out of the way in time; Harry made a sharp about-face and held the broom steady. A few people below were clapping.
"No Crabbe and Goyle up here to save your neck, Malfoy," Harry called.
The same thought seemed to have struck Malfoy.
"Catch it if you can, then!" he shouted, and he threw the glass ball high into the air and streaked back toward the ground.
Harry saw, as though in slow motion, the ball rise up in the air and then start to fall. He leaned forward and pointed his broom handle down- next second he was gathering speed in a steep dive, racing the ball- wind whistled in his ears, mingled with the screams of people watching- he stretched out his hand- a foot from the ground he caught it, just in time to pull his broom straight, and he toppled gently onto the grass with the Remembrall clutched safely in his fist.
"HARRY POTTER!"
His heart sank faster than he'd just dived. Professor McGonagall was running toward them. He got to his feet, trembling.
"Never- in all my time at Hogwarts-"
Professor McGonagall was almost speechless with shock, and her glasses flashed furiously, "-how dare you- might have broken your neck-"
"It wasn't his fault, Professor-"
"Be quiet, Miss Patil-"
"But Malfoy-"
"That's enough, Mr. Weasley. Potter, follow me, now."
(Rowling, pp 145-149)
"Potter, this is Oliver Wood. Wood- I've found you a Seeker."
Wood's expression changed from puzzlement to delight.
"Are you serious, Professor?"
"Absolutely," said Professor McGonagall crisply. "The boy's a natural. I've never seen anything like it. Was that your first time on a broomstick, Potter?"
Harry nodded silently. He didn't have a clue what was going on, but he didn't seem to be being expelled, and some of the feeling started coming back to his legs.
"He caught that thing in his hand after a fifty-foot dive," Professor McGonagall told Wood. "Didn't even scratch himself. Charlie Weasley couldn't have done it."

SonOfLe-loLang
01-28-2014, 04:57 PM
Your Worst Diarrhea Story ever...?
Joe Bob Charlie, Joe Bob Chopper asked 8 years ago
Here is my two best, try to out do me...

TWO GOOD STORIES THAT HAPPENED TO ME

Kern Country Golf Course (dont remember the name) (Outside Bakersfield, CA)

I was on the way to go golfing and we stopped at this gas station. I ate two large hotdogs really greasy, some twinkies, and one of those Huge Gulps like 64 oz drink..

Fast forward 40 minutes

we are at the golf course and on the driving range, we were 100 meters from the golf club (and toilets).

I was swinging away when i felt real bad. I ran to the bathroom but didnt make it, i was wearing tighty whities thank god! so its sort of caught in there, but I could smell it, and if I could smell so could others...
Additional Details
I went in the bathroom and took off my pants and threw away my underwear. Cleaned as best I could then left. I told my friend that I was done golfing and needed to go home. I told him I felt sick, so we left. On the way back we had the windows rolled down, and it stunk too. (I could feel my pants were still wet a little, not with water either.) so we made it home and I changed.

The worst part is I left my wallet in the bathroom and had to go back the next weekend...

Story two

Hooters - Pensacola Florida Dec 1999.

The guys and I went to the Hooters (downtown Pensacola location) and took advantage of the chicken wings. I ate about 30 I think really hot ones. Then we were going to play pool or something. So we are driving (4 of us) and I was in the backseat all of a sudden it felt like my stomach just dropped out!

....
8 years ago
I said pull over guys and they did. We just happened to be at a TV station. So i ran around back through the gate, but as I was running up to the gate I farted and then felt a lot of mush... I started walking and feeling gross, (but my stomach felt better imagine that). I walked up and im looking then this guy asks if he can help me, i said "where is the bathroom?" He gave me this sad/disgusted face and pointed it out. I went in locked the door and cleaned up. I threw away my underwear (this time boxers) and my socks. This took about 1 hour. Then I went outside to see that my friends were not there, I was relieved. So I went down the street pretty fast (i didnt want them cicling the block and looking for me) I went to a strip club and called a taxi, then waiting inside so they wouldnt happen to see me. It took like 2 minutes. I caught the taxi home, put my clothes in the washer, and took a shower. I heard a knock like 20 minutes later it was my friends. I asked "why did you ditch me?"
8 years ago

Houshyamama
01-28-2014, 05:07 PM
http://i.imgur.com/qh9Niwo.jpg?1